Sunday, 20 March 2011
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From No Distance to Long
So I'm in bit of a problem.
Well not yet. or...maybe never? But definitely potentially.As you can see from my last post, I'm extremely worried about what's about to come. I've been dating my current girlfriend for about a year and a few months. We're doing great, we had our bad times, but definitely had our amazing times. May is approaching, which means she will be graduating from college, while I still have a year (possibly two, if I decide to work on this double major) to go. I hail from South Jersey, and she's from Long Island.Now yes, I know. It hardly calls from anything extremely long distance. But since she doesn't have a car, and I'm nearly supporting myself when it comes to extra pocket money to visit/drive to her/other leisure activities it can add up to one.Not going to lie, I'm getting a little bit worried. We've been doing great, but we're both really social people, with a lot going for both of us. ( I really believe in her, and her career.) I'm crazy about her, and I get the same vibe from her (even though we annoy the shit out of each other sometimes). I'm just extremely...I Guess...paranoid?I don't know.A lot of people just tell me, look, if you want to make it work, it will work.A lot of other people also tell me: You guys are young, don't have your hopes to too high, you know?Agh.What do you guys think? Should I just...stop thinking about this, and enjoy everything for the moments. Or...should I have the talk that can definitely change a few things. With just one conversation.Or...any other ideas?
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Comments (21)
I think you should express your concerns to her.
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I think it depends on how commited you both are. I've seen long-distance relationships end badly, I've also seen a few that were the strongest relationships ever. Anyone can speculate any scenario when it comes to the future, but no one really knows how strong a relationship is besides those two people in it.
There has to be the intent of moving closer otherwise it probably won't work out.
I left for basic a few weeks after my boyfriend and I started dating. It was rough, especially because I couldn't even make phone calls or write everyday! It was horrible. But we got through it. He wrote me at least one letter every.single.day. We had been friends for years prior to our dating, so it wasn't like we didn't know each other. I wrote him when I could and called every chance I got. We just celebrated our first year together not long ago. He lives with me now and everything worked out great.
It is sort of true, though, if you want something to work, you will do everything you can to make it work, If it doesn't, then it wasn't because of your lack of trying, you know?
I would have to say, don't put your expectations too high but keep your HOPES alive!
I have dealt with several of my pupil's issues concerning long distance relationships. All I could say is that if you have love for each other, the future will be happy for the both of you as long as you treat each other well. It doesn't necessary mean you two will eventually marry, nor it means you guys won't...it means, we don't know.
There's nothing wrong about you enjoying the moment, but the fact that you mentioned "should stop thinking about it"...it could be an issue because when the separation comes you might not be able to handle your emotions well, and eventually things between you two would just get ugly.
The second statement you made: "you should have a talk" - I would agree on it, BUT any decisions that are to be made, make sure it's being made in a logical state of mind. That is very important. However, don't expect it to "definitely change a few things". That's why I said don't have your expectations high because there are so many factors that are out of your control. But do have your hopes alive, because without it it'll definitely won't work.
Bottom line, do you love her? If you do, make sure whatever you do you both are happy about it. Wherever she is, be there for her and make her happy...then at least you have done all that you could to treat her well. Good luck with it, I'm sure things will turn out alright!
CF
Oh and for your info, I have witnessed all sorts of relationships (well, a lot I would have to say)...those that went long distance and didn't work, those that went long distance and worked, and those that went long distance and didn't work but eventually they got back together. And for your info, I was the last sort
As long as you put your heart, faith, mind and effort in it, and that you really concerned about your significant other, you have nothing to regret! Good luck again!
My boyfriend is a German, I'm an American. We live 4 hours apart from eachother in Germany, and already have plans to stay together when I go back.
Even as it is, we both have little to no money. We see eachother about 3 times every 2 months. But we know it won't be like that forever...and when you really love someone, you pick right back up where you left off. When they really mean everything to you, you find the money for that train ticket or push back the "boys weekend" to go dancing with her...you know?
Whatever will be, will be.
M
@nerdyveggiegirl@xanga - agreed
OP:
I'd suggest talking to her about it though.
Talk about it please. My boyfriend and I decided that we didn't want to think about me leaving. Didn't want to talk about it. Nothing.
And then we had to do all the talking over the phone later...which SUCKED. I hate phone calls with a passion. Serious conversations should be kept face to face as much as possible, so have it while you still have time.been there done that.
from experience, talking about it is important. but no matter how much talking you do or how much you prepare yourself for it, it's going to be so freaking hard. especially when you've been so used to having her close by.
but if you want to stay together, long distance relationship needs an expiry date. have something to look forward to.. whether it be you finishing school and joining her, or moving somewhere together, there has to be a goal.
but if you think such long term plans are a little much, then things will fall into place the way it should be as time goes on. take it one day at a time.
in any case, it's a good test for the strength of your relationship.
just remember not to lose yourself.
well said @sonnigenmai@xanga - am in a long distance and I know people have a lot to say! We decided we'l always do what feels right to us coz in the end its the two of you who feel the impact of whatever happens!!
You should talk to her about it. My boyfriend had to move for school and to start his career. It was/is a bummer since he's in Texas and I'm in California, but we make it work with texts/phone calls/video chats. He's really social, too. I'm not so much of a social butterfly. We talked about it before he left because we dated once before and he had to move that time because of money issues then. Our relationship went to hell basically because we decided before he left that it was out of sight, out of mind. We talked about it before he left this time around and I think it made a huge difference. We discussed what we wanted from one another and where we thought the relationship was going. Luckily, we were on the same page so it's been working out well. He's only been gone since August, but we've dated for two years and he was only living near me for one full year. Our long distance is always off and on. We do have money to see each other, but our issue is the time to go see each other. I think you guys can make it work if you want it to, but it's just something that you both have to be dedicated to.
My boyfriend and I are doing the long distance thing (he is living in Berkeley, CA and I in PA). I was paranoid like you were but it's worked for the past two years, going on three. We did date for three years of our relationship within 1.5 hrs of each other so I'm not sure if that matters. I will admit there are some issues with communication...but if you can work out those kinks you should give it the good old "college try".
I'm in a long distance relationship exactly like the potential one you're talking about. We're only 200 miles apart, but both broke and without a car!
We've been like this for 7 months (we've been together about 14 months total), and I will tell you that yes, if you want to make it work, it will work.
But it won't be no picnic!
It's not going to be fun, it's not going to feel good, and you're not going to be happy. I promise you that.
But, if it's worth it, and if it's what you want, then it will work.
Good luck!
Talk about it. Then after you hit two years, ask her to marry you! Well, if you're both ready of course. My friend got engaged yesterday and it was beautiful! So maybe I'm biased...haha.
My boyfriend is worried about the long distance thing too... but we have only been together for one MONTH. You guys have been together for over a year... enough time for your relationship to grow to the stage where you can overcome an obsticle like this. I used to think that long distance was foolish, and that they tend to not work out, of course I dont think that anymore. But I sincerly believe that if you loved someone enough, it will work out.
So, I really just want to say... go with the flow, because my boyfriend certainly am not. And it is pissing me off.
communication is the key to understanding each other better.
have a heart-to-heart, open up, express your concerns, share ideas, listen to eachother.
then you can access the situation better, such as the level of commitment, expectation, worries, attitude towards the longd and the relationship..
we're so so so blessed to have the help of technology to keep in touch with eachother.
my bf and i have been in hong kong and the UK respectively for 4 years already (since the age of 18). got at least 2 more years to go.
i feel closer to him than ever :)
go for it, or you will never know whether it will work or not.
all the best :)
talk.
but hey, I've been doing the long distance thing for over a year now.
I won't lie, it's pretty horrible, but it can work. Especially if you both love eachother and put the effort into it.
I think you should definitely do what feels right. You can always try it out and see how it goes before making a decision. Hope it works out :)
I think going from no distance to long distance is hard, but I'd probably see how it goes first before thinking of "the talk." No way to know unless you try it out.