Thursday, 17 March 2011
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Past Relationships and How They Shape You
They say every relationship has a purpose; that you learn from the good and the bad. I'm a really strong believer in this. So here are letters to three guys I think have really impacted me and my beliefs on love.
Instead of names, I've decided to represent each guy with a song
1. When I'm With You-Best Coast
You weren't my first but in many ways you are the one I wished was. With you I was never afraid to admit my fears because you had similar ones. You helped me through such a time in my life that I'm so thankful that I met you when I did. You taught me to appreciate things for the fun of it and not too care if people thought I talked too much.
I know to the outside world we looked dysfunctional and our friends' opinions of each other often had us acting badly to save face. But we were young and stupid and as much as we hurt each other toward the end, I'm glad we're friends now. It was weird the first time we started talking again.
I realized how much we didn't know about each other, yet how in the past it felt like we knew each other too well. That moment when I went to visit you and you drunkenly told me, "You and me, we had a good run, we had fun," it really summed up our whole relationship perfectly. With all the drastic highs and lows in my mind you'll always be my first.
2. I don't think so-Priscilla Ahn
I always said it was never worth the effort to hate someone, but there was definitely a point when I hated you. I felt that you were the reason that I lost my best friend. Cheating with your girlfriend's best friend is not something a good person does and ironically, everyone used to always tell me you were such a good guy.
But unlike most people who get cheated on, I don't think you affected my level of trust towards guys or my friends. It was a horrible time, but I really learned how strong I could be. There were obvious flaws in my friendship with her that were just waiting to come to surface and you made that happen. Honestly, ending my friendship with her was more painful than any break up could ever or has ever been and I really grew from that.
I learned about my capacity to forgive and to really trust that feeling in my gut if I think something's wrong. It took a year but I have forgiven her and you. Not that me and you are friends, but in retrospect it all just seems too insignificant to really act awkwardly with you. Pretending like it never happened--that we never happened--really seems like the best option.
It was hard to pick a song for you because we've been through so much together. I know you don't think you did, but last summer you gave me the closest thing I've ever had to a proper romance. You know how you read books like Pride and Prejudice and there's just so much passion and attraction yet so little physical action? That's what we had and it was magical.
Maybe that's why it didn't last as long when we were finally in front of each other. It just... lost its magic. Either way, there were never any regrets with you because I have so many great memories of our time together. As you liked to describe it, "We just click." We don't have an incredible amount in common, we're just so different in our opinions and motivations yet somehow we click.
We feel comfortable around each other more than with anyone else, really. And if breaking up was the trade for the connection I have with you, it was well worth it. You were the first guy I ever felt jealousy with and insecurity and maybe I needed to know I could feel those things to know just how vulnerable I was.
It hasn't been easy but it was definitely a growing process I needed. The best thing you ever gave me I have to say though, is the motivation to really want to find someone and fall in love. As great as things were/are with you, it's not love. And if how I feel now isn't love, it makes me really excited for what being in love is really going to feel like.
How have your past relationships shaped you?
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About the Author
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- From: strangers_silhouette
- Name: strangers_silhouette
- About Me: I'm just your average asiancollege sorority girl in one of the top party cities in the world, Montreal. Some say I'm promiscuous but I prefer sexually outgoing. We're only young once, so we might as make the best of it.Hope you enjoy my memories.
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Comments (9)
My last boyfriend was my first love. Even though our relationship was dysfunctional and a bit crazy, it was a passionate love. I can't imagine ever loving anyone else so much or going through the extremes that I did with him. I loved him with my everything and even hated him with every inch of my body. It's been over a year since we've broken up and we both have SO's, but I have to admit that I still think about him and miss him and hope he feels the same way about me.
He made me more cautious about relationships-- good and bad in a sense. I am less trusting, more skeptical of love, and more cynical as well. But, this cautiousness has allowed for me to guard my heart more and only open it up to people I know will not hurt me as much as he did.
Won't sugar-coat it: it fucked me up for life. The only person I ever truly cared about, and it was the same for him. Fucking Ethan "first love lasts .. forever." Hawke..
I've only really had one real relationship. And what I learned from it is that people can really freak out when you're suddenly not perfectly confident all the time...and that the people you think you can trust all the time, you can't always. I've mostly gotten past that. And some other bad experiences that didn't involve actual relationships. But I still kind of wish that when I'd met my current crush, I'd been a little less screwed up so I wouldn't have scared him off. Because the more I think about it, the more I realize I really love him and wonder if he'll be able to see past the crap he knows about me now.
i've only had one past relation ship. my current one is so much better at the moment. my last relationship taught me never to go out with someone who is more emotional than you are. don't go out with someone who manipulates you, makes you feel bad and stupid for insignificant details. sure there were some happy moments, but most of it was over dramatic, and just bad. oh did i mention verbly and physically abisve as well? ahha i mean, yes i have flaws too. i make promises i don't keep, and i am a blabber mouth. he made me to be more cautious and to no tolerate over dramatic behavior. people need a chiil pill. teehee :]
I've only been in one relationship prior to the one I'm in now. That relationship made me realize what I need and what I don't need. It made me realize a lot of things actually. My first relationship changed me while I was in the relationship (and not for the good), but after I ended that relationship I changed back. And my relationship now, pure bliss, pretty much a fairy tale. I would say that it's too good to be true, but my relationship is real and it's good. really good.
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I love Priscilla ahn <3
My first one taught me "if something is too good to be true, it probably isn't true". He knew how to sweet talk and acted so sweet. Yet, behind my back, he would flirt and even went out with girls. He even dated my brother-in-law's niece. Second one was so sweet but the timing was off. He had to go away for college. From both, learned that I wasn't meant for long distance relationships.
i learned that i had a lot of issues with being close to someone. i associate love with anger and hurt, but i couldnt walk away from a bad relationship because i was addicted to the person. i was desperate for us to get past problems. luckily and unluckily for me, the last boy i was with tried to work things out just as much as i did, but he saw first before i did that we werent good for each other. even though i saw it too, i fought for us to stay together over and over again...even after he had broken up with me twice because he was scared he couldn't be the boyfriend i needed. even when i knew i didnt want the relationship anymore.
i also learned that i have a lot of trouble forgiving. i expect and try to generate resentment. i want love so badly, and i want to be happy with the person i love, and i want to be able to love and make them happy, but i still have this association between love and hurt...i dont know where it comes from.
i wish i could hurry up and heal and learn and grow up so that i can make someone happy, instead of leaving both of us completely in love but also completely shattered.