Wednesday, 16 March 2011
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I Have Never Been in a Committed Relationship
There was something that sparked inside of me as I met with a few friends of mine and started chatting. They immediately started talking about their love life, and I began to feel like an odd ball even more. I started to sink deeper into my seat sipping on a virgin margarita as their conversation flooded the entire table leaving me left out.I tried to join in on the conversation, but what does a single, young woman have to say to a bunch of women who are married, expecting, engaged, or both?
Sometimes I wish I were in a committed relationship with someone who will love me back. But it seems as though I will never have a relationship like that.
I haven't had a relationship since I was 17 and I'm 21 now. The last relationship I had was just about fun, games, and...fucking around. There was no commitment in it. I wanted it to be filled with commitment, but at that age it was rare to find a guy who wanted the same things I did. Besides, he treated me like shit anyway so I had to move on.
What makes it worse is that the majority of my friends are still with the same guy they have been with since we were all teenagers. I always thought I'd be just like my friends and share our most intimate stories, our battlefield with our boyfriends, and our wedding plans with one another. But now here I am, the odd ball among all of my friends who are now pregnant, married, or engaged.
For one thing, I have way too many sexual desires. I remember sitting back and chatting with my mother about getting away for a while. I mentioned, "Yeah! I would love to go to an island with sand that sparkle like crystals. Imagine how great the sex will be laying in that sand...." There was a long pause until I realized what I had said.
I tried to make it as though I meant something different but she laughed and said, "You're the kind of person who would love someone to tie you up and do you all kinds of ways...," and she was right. I never told her she was, but she was right.
I guess as more years goes by my sexual desires become stronger because I want to do it. I want to have "wild" sex, but I also want to be in a committed relationship.
I want one of those relationships where the fire is always lit, the love never dies, everything is passionate, romantic, intimate, etc.... Is that too much for a guy to handle?
But I can't seem to find a guy who wants more than just sex. Every guy I have ever talked to or was interested in had always sparked up a conversation about sex and only sex. The only two things I knew about them were their names, how many sex partners they had, and how much they loved sex.
Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy being single. I've been single for four years and have not complained about it once, until just now.... I get lonely too, sometimes, and watching my friends go on to get married and have kids just makes me wonder if I'm missing out on something good
I often tell myself, "It's worth the wait," but I wonder how much longer I can hold on before I burst out sexually (haha) and emotionally.
Where do I begin to find someone who is worth being with? What would you do if you were in my situation?
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About the Author
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- From: NeoSoul20@xanga
- Name: NeoSoul20
- Location: New York City, New York, United States
- About Me: I live in nyc. I love to blog. And I am currently enrolling in college.
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Comments (27)
Yes, it's definitely possible to have a fiery sexual relationship within a committed relationship. In fact it's likely because you probably wouldn't stay long with someone who didn't satisfy you sexually. Just wait. You're still young.
Don't wait too long, though. Eventually you will pass the expiration date.
you wanna know why!!!!!!!!!????????
its usualy the same for all ya females
IT BE THE TYPE OF GUYS YA ARE ATTRACTED TO................
The ones you prob arent attracted to are prob the ones you need to get to know and after you really get to know them then you will start to be attracted towards them!!!!!!!!!!!
Its ya fault ya like the idiots and typical guys!!!!!!!!!!!
matter of fact i have been in your shoes my whole life!
i am 24 years old and only had 2girlfriends my whole life.. i am a fly as dude lol and very nice and outgoing and smart and down to earth and ect....
the first GF was just a common careless mistake lol just you know being in highschool type of shit.. i wanted to see if my theory on relationships at certain ages was correct so i had to test it out!
but the 2nd GF which is now my fiance and soon to be married.........
we met on the internet just talkn about religion and had LONG LONG LONG talks about morals and ect.. i was not interested in her at all........ but the more we talked and hung out and read the bible together and went to burger king or mc-donalds (lol) the more i started to see the real* her in which i started to be attracted to..... Its like the LIGHT started to shine from her*
......Its just like a book! sum books dont seem like it would be fun to read or interesting ...... and there mite not even be nuthn wrong with the cover ......... but you will be surprised*
now if i was chasing the typical type of females i like or thought i would want........ ID prob still be single as of today!
@kingsaul@xanga - lol. thats actually true.
advice wise-- just start talking to cute guys you see out. after doing that regularly ur bound to run into something.
The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side, trust me. I have had only one committed relationship but we started dating when I was 16 and we broke up when I was 20 and a 1/2 years old. I have so many regrets about that relationship, and I keep wishing I had spent those years single instead. You are a different person than your friends, and maybe settling down right now is not the right thing for you. And, maybe I am biased, but I think you have more to lose by committing too soon to someone like I did than you do by staying single and finding someone that meshes really well with you.
you're still really young; don't worry about settling down and having babies yet. your friends are gonna regret doing all that so soon, i bet. enjoy your single life & freedom.
and yes, it is possible to fid someone that you will have a great sex life with and that will really love you also. wait for it, and don't be like me and let it go when you do find it.
i was exactly in your position. then, i had a fwb relationship type of thing that blossomed to us dating :) we're both happy, satisfied (emotionally, physically, sexually, mentally), and learning from each other. you never know where you might find love -- found out mine was right in front of my face.. hehe
just go out and frolick with people --you'll eventually find someone that will fit your needs
@tomorrow_may_rain@xanga - agree
OP:
And unfortunately, even if you find love, it can never stay like that. Passionate, romantic, intimate all the time. You get comfortable with your loved one over a period of time and it feels like a routine. And don't settle down either because it seems like you are still wild and need time to look around. And you're young now. Remember you're different from your friends. Just enjoy your time single =D
@vicdaily@xanga - agree
Maybe you just need new friends...
I wouldn't worry about it. Your friends are morons for having kids and getting married at 21, which will tie them to a place, without having explored the world. Ok, maybe they are not morons, maybe they will genuinely be happy, but I know you would rather live your life than theirs.
Get out, focus on your own life, pursue your goals, explore the world, and enjoy yourself. While your doing that, you will meet someone doing the same thing, and fall in love. Then you will have everything they have, except with experience, conviction and a life.
Your 21. Don't worry about a future you can't fathom. You have 10 -15 years to fall in love, have kids and get married. Ignore all the bullshit about "gotta be married before 25 or you be a loser". Thats fucking bullshit society throws at you to tie you down. Get out there into the world and enjoy yourself!
when i started reading this, i thought you were like...30. i think the fact that you're young and have had guys pursue you before is enough to convince you that you're not going to die alone. (if you were older and still a virgin, i wouldn't say the same thing.) committed relationships are overrated, anyway. you should also realize that almost nobody in the city, guy or girl, wants to have a relationship.
oh, and do you seriously have friends your age who are expecting? that's fing crazy. most of my friends are 26+ (i'm 24), and are generally single. those who are in serious relationships aren't even thinking about getting married. anyway...if it makes you feel better, you can expect 50% of your friends to get divorced...
Secondly, to answer your question "I want one of those relationships where the fire is always lit, the love never dies, everything is passionate, romantic, intimate, etc....Is that too much for a guy to handle?" There is no way to always have fire, passion, and romance in your life. Fire is the initial spark when you've met that guy and you'll have it for a while when you're getting to know one another, and it's fresh and new. But eventually, you'll reach a level of comfort around each other. You can still be passionately in love with one another, but eventually, your desire to be with one another every second of every day will fade. At least in a healthy relationship, you'll eventually want to give each other space to breath. And romance is the hardest thing to keep alive, after so many surprises, people will run out of ideas. And romance is really tiresome to uphold because you can't relax, it's like an ongoing competition to awe your SO, not knowing whether or not it's good enough. Love is important, but there are other things like life, financial stability, family, etc. that are also important, so romance doesn't last. Those who seek eternal romance is looking for a fantasy, not a real relationship.
To sum it up, if endless romance, passion, and fire is what you seek in a relationship, you'll be disappointed a lot.
I can't help you, unfortunately. Its been a long time between drinks for myself too. Problem for me is that all available women in my social groups are either taken, obese, red necks, deeply religious, or combinations of such. I'm involved with a lot of social groups too, and have left some, and joined some others on the way, yet still no luck. I'm at an age where single women in general are statistically hard to find, let alone the healthy-weighted, refined, secular types. I've discussed my issue with friends, and they say back "No one will ever be good enough for you", which gives me the impression they gave up and settled for second best themselves (as opposed to indirectly calling me a snob
). However, I agree with Madonna in one of her songs: Never settle for second best. Unfortunately its a proverbial desert out there.
@StillNotaPrettyGirl@xanga -
my mom had us when she was very young* and you know she looks hella young now* when me and her are together people think we are dating (EWWWWWWWW) and shes just about half my age! so I dont think your friends will regrete having kids or babys at a young age...... gone get that shit over with and out the way!
i see too many grandparent lookn moms and dads.. who cant play sports with their kids and too old to be kool and fun with their kids....
i have kids and im young..............I take care of them and i dont regrete it and im actualy glade i can get them out the house while im young so me and the wife can spend longer days with just us two lol plus the more kids you want you better knock them out the way......lol
@kingsaul@xanga - that's a good point... for some people, they are just anxious to settle in and start a family right away... and that's fine for them, in some ways it is easier if that is what they want...
but in other ways it can be really hard, like financially or if the person wants to go to college, or if they want to travel or just keep having fun with their friends with no responsibilities (i know that's how i was when i was 21).
i think having kids between 28-35 is a good age, because you have had your freedom by then, and also you are still pretty young and have energy and aren't out of touch with what's cool yet.
i guess it just depends on the person and how mature they are at a young age...
I've never been in a committed relationship either, let alone a relationship. What I would do is just space out and think about cake. -happily single-
@xSayakax@xanga - I dunno. I've been with my man four years, and it's been great.
Well, no point to look for something that doesn't seem to be there for you right now.
Work on doing what you want with life, and the man will come into the picture - and honestly, he may be nothing like you ever would have thought you wanted. But you will find it.@xSayakax@xanga - Also, in response to "And romance is really tiresome to uphold because you can't relax, it's like an ongoing competition to awe your SO, not knowing whether or not it's good enough. "
Yeah, I have to disagree. When you find the one, you know that anything you bring to the plate is good enough, as long as you tried and meant it.
@kingsaul@xanga - Hahaha, same shit happens with my mom. You know how a lot of hispanic women are, shitting out babies at an early age. I was walking somewhere with her one time, and some dude was like, "Damn... what a lucky guy." while glancing at us. My mom was flattered of course, but I kind of wanted to end myself right there.
@AsylumBlue - hahaha yeah thats soo funny! its like you dont know how to re-act.. so not kool lol
@StillNotaPrettyGirl@xanga - yeah true.... I just wanna be young and energetic when my kids are like 16 n stuff......
how lazy i can feel or tired at times.. i can only imagine how i will feeel when im 55 lol with a 18year old.....lol i wont have no energy at allllllllllllllllll lol
yea I'm about to be 22 but in the same boat