Monday, 14 March 2011
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I Can't Read This Guy's Mind (and It's Driving Me Insane)
I feel like this guy I admire likes playing mind games with me and I don't know what to do about it. We will hold hands in public and he likes to put his arm around but he has yet to ask me out on a date. Does he see me as a friend with benefits or something?
While we might have sped things up by kissing on our second encounter there isn't really much other physical interaction that we've done yet. Afterward I questioned him about our relationship, since I was just curious about it.
He replied that we are "Just friends." It just makes me wonder. He mentions how each time we are together how much fun we have and that he likes my personality. I know he doesn't mind when we are touchy feely with each other, like sitting close to each other or he will occasionally put his arm around me.
I know he likes me because he's stated that there is an attraction. But I feel like there's some barrier there for some reason. My friend who introduced us already told me he has a shy personality but I feel like there's more to it than that.So I don't understand why he hasn't asked me out on an actual date yet? And why does he keep holding my hand like we are? Who does he think I am to him anyway? The people I'm friends with I don't kiss and hold hands with in public.
I wonder if he is doing this with other girls besides me and if this is his strategy. Maybe it's time I find someone new because this guy obviously doesn't really want me. Or at least, that's what I'm getting out of this whole mind game. I just wasted my time and thoughts. I feel like this whole thing was so meaningless, and in the end it all amounted to nothing. I'm already over him.Has this happened to you before?
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- From: sleeping_on_the_edgeoftheworld@xanga
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Comments (77)
Maybe he likes touchy-feely stuff, but he doesn't want to actually commit. If I were you, I would stop with all of that - the hand holding, letting him put his arm around you, etc. If he says your just friends, show him what just friends is. If you're just his friend, then does he treat his other "friends" the same way? Maybe. If you realize that he can't give you what you want, then you definitely need to move on. Find someone who wants to hold your hand AND take you on a date. There are plenty of those guys out there. Don't compromise for less
You just have to find out yourself. He may have been playing games with you, by saying "Just friends". But if it is for real, you should get away from him ASAP as he is just getting benefits from you everyday.
You may want to ignore him for sometime or reject some activities that he took it for granted. If he really cares he will step up eventually and takes things seriously.
What if he doesn't? You will ask this if you sort of like this guy and do not want to get him out of your life like this. But girl, if he is not really interested, it will end eventually and it is gonna end worse as times go by. Just don't be those girls who know the guy is not into them and aware he is just using them but still willingly falling for it.
he's too chicken to ask you on a date.if you make a move i bet he'll respond positively
@y0_MaMa@xanga - No reason for him solely to be labeled a chicken when she isn't asking him out either even though she obviously likes him.
I've been through something like this before. It started out with a little flirting and ended with kissing, not sloppy making out or anything, just kissing goodnight once. After that he went to WA for two weeks for his dad's funeral, came back and we didn't talk anymore. A year after this and I've been in a relationship for 8 months when he sends me a message on Facebook (a week ago) giving me his number and saying I should text him. Nah, I don't think I will.
If he says you two are just friends, then that's as far as it's gonna go.
i think you already know the anwser about if you should move on or not, because you wouldnt be doubting it in the first place. I think it is time to move forward, dont sit here and let him plays games it immature and annoying plus dont let him disrespect you by just trying to be friends with benefits.
When me and my boyfriend first started dating he would tell some people we were friends or if we were in a crowd of guys he would say i was his gf, So it kinda pissed me off like why is it that you tell some people were friends and others that im your gf. Although we were just dating at the time and i wasnt his gf I liked when he said it because being just friends is like saying i dont really like this girl i only see her as a friend. So i know how you feel and if it bothers you that much you need to bring it to his attention. && if he doesnt have anything good to say then move on. Cause im sure there are plenty of guys out there that would love to date you
oh guys can be weird, but i think by letting him do all that you're messing yourself up more than anything. just push his hands off. stay friends in the same way that you're friends with everyone else if you want but that's it. i have a lot of guy friends, my bf is the only one allowed to hold my hand...
i have had a guy friend of mine try to hold hands with me.. not going to happen. the only person that i would allow to ever hold my hand is the guy that i am with.. guys are stupid.. lol that is all that needs to be said about that.
also, i would be straightforward with him. what are we? and if we are just friends then it should be just friends
Something similar has happened to me, but the guy in question had a long distance girlfriend (I was 16? at the time and increadibly dumb, cut me some slack. I know it was wrong on both parts.. This entire situation is embarrassing). This guy would do the same things - put his arm around me, hold my hand, hug me, and cuddle. He told me is LDR wasn't working out and he was on the brink of breaking up with the girl. It never happened. He would say he liked being around me & all that bull. I saw him alot at a music venue & at school. Finally I wanted it all to stop because he simply was a player..and how many other girls was he feeding lies to ya know?
I'm not insuating your guy is a player because I don't know him, but have you considered something along those lines? I'm curious, why didn't you try to make the first move? Maybe he was waiting for you to ask him on a date? I would stop with all touchy-feely stuff for now because you could end up hurt and disappointed in the long-run. Good luck.
I've been through this and hunny get out now...trust me. Plus, if hes this way with you as "just friends" what makes you think hes not "just friends" with a lot of other girls?
@KickDrumHeart - Agreed!
How about talking to him about this?
there are different levels of friendship, maybe he's just a really physical person. i hold hands with just friends, or have their arm around me/my arm around them.
it doesn't necessarily mean he's messing with you or anything, at this point it means you want there to be more than there is now.
classic committment-o-phobe. Trust me, I've been there. Hell, I AM there. Run.
This exact situation happened to me.
It'll feel like it's real, and you'll probably believe that it is, but I would leave now before your heart gets broken. If he wanted something real from it, it would have happened already - if that's what you want, just let him go. It won't be worth it, trust me.
Just from reading your interactions and the one line "Just friends" it sounds to me that you may have found a "player".
From my experience with the Pick Up Artist Community this is classic behavior and techniques they use purposely meant to confuse the woman, keep her on her toes, and to make it so the woman wants to keep him happy. Be behavior I mean being physically affectionate and intimate but then saying your just friends. Again, that statement is meant to screw you up a bit but it's also meant to display that he's in control of himself and he's not going to fall for you just because you two have messed around a bit.
In other words, all of this is so you'll prove himself to him.
But perhaps I'm just completely misinterpreting the information and he's just as unsure of the whole situation. Calmly talk to him and see what's up. Don't attack, don't make accusations, don't panic, just friendly conversation.
I was in a situation similar to this at one time....the guy was just using me for emotional and physical comfort, but never had any intentions of actually dating me at all (when I found this out I was deeply hurt and betrayed...he was my best friend before all that crap and I was also in love with him...oye). So anyway, if this guy isn't communicating his true intentions, he's not worth it and he's not serious about you specifically. Good idea in finding someone new. Its not worth it.
Assume that he is showing you exactly what he wants. This is IT. If THIS isn't enough, terminate the relationship and move on. No mind games, he is doing what he wants, and if you don't object, then he has every right to assume you're good with it. We can never control the other person, but we maintain veto power.
I'm sorry this guy is just using you for physical affection. You deserve someone who will be proud to have you around. There will be a guy out there for you. :)
if he says the 2 of you are just friends, then start treating him like that too see how he likes it. no more hand holding or kissing. if he sees this change, he might actually ask you out on a date
Be forward with him. If hes being shady about it, hes probably using you. Trust me, dont fall for him beforehand. The pain isnt worth it.
First of all, shy guys would not kiss and be touchy openly, if they were really shy. Holding hands, arms around the shoulders and kissing, is NOT just friends anymore. If he says you guys are just friends and he's acting like you're his date by the looks of his actions, then he's leading you on and you're better off looking for someone, who would like to date you. My current bf is a shy guy and we never did have a private one-on-one date, it was mostly group hangouts, before he asked me out. However, the first time he grabbed my hand properly was in the movie theater and afterward, I asked why he did it and his answer was that he wants to see where it can go. After the theater incident, we met again for badminton and afterward, he asked me out. But he NEVER said that we were just friends because he wanted something more. My boyfriend is a shy guy and even he can be straightforward when I questioned him about our relationship, so for this guy to say that you guys are "just friends" after doing the things normally couples would do, he sounds like he wants a "no strings attached" relationship. Although you confronted him about your relationship status, but did you ever tell him you expected more than just friends? Did you properly talk to him, saying that friends don't do the things you guys are doing? Talk to him and state your expectations of this relationship. From my point of view, if he doesn't think that this is a relationship, then there's no point to stick with him. He doesn't sound like a shy guy and he's definitely not stupid, so lay it straight and if he still rejects the idea of a relationship, then it's not worth it to pursue a fruitless relationship that's going nowhere.
Why is having a good friend "meaningless"? My best relationships in my life have been with my friends.
He straight up told you that you guys are "just friends" so I don't see what the confusion is here. You want more, so you are looking for clues that he is just hiding his true feelings or something, but he isn't. He knows you like him, so if he wanted a romantic relationship with you, he would ask you out. It's that simple.
Some guys (and girls) are just flirty by nature and like little touches and so on. I get like that occassionally with people I feel comfortable with. It doesn't really mean that he's into you on a romantic level, but you're interpreting it that way because that is what you want it to mean.
If you really can't be around him because you like him too much, then move on. But I don't see anything wrong with just remaining friends; just don't keep hoping that he's gonna change his mind.
um.. hello.. he said "just friends." you can give up now. that's about as straight forward as he can be without being a dick. you're giving him the goods for freeeeee.