My friend Lisa and I were having a conversation about women paying when they are on a date. Lisa said that when a guy takes her to dinner she will offer to pay the tip, and I told her I usually do the same.
Melonie, another girlfriend of mine says that she never pays or offers to pay when a guy takes her out on a date. If I call up a guy and say, “Hey let’s go have sushi tonight,” then I am the one paying, because I have called and asked him to hang out with me for the evening, and I would expect the same. Some women (and to ladies that are reading I did say SOME) will disagree with me and say that I have lost my mind! Never, ever pay for a date. A woman agreeing to it is like blasphemy to them.
A couple of days ago I went out with a guy and he paid for our dinner, so when we went to the movies I paid for his candy as well as my popcorn. My friend Melonie said that she would have not paid for the stuff at the concession, and I thought to myself why the hell not?
Some women feel the same way my friend does--that the man should always pay on the first couple of dates. Another girlfriend of mine said, “After we've gone on a few dates and are moving towards establishing a relationship then I'm perfectly fine with paying the bill a few times or maybe even alternating." I can understand that, but if we went somewhere after dinner, to play some shuffle puck or grab drinks, I’m usually down to buy a round and I think there’s nothing wrong with that.
Personally I feel weird when a guy pays for everything all of the time. Don’t get me wrong, I think I’m awesome and should definitely be treated out to a wonderful night, but if I think a guy is just as awesome then I think he should be treated once in a while. My friend Tom says, “Definitely offer to pay if you asked the guy out, but if he leaps at the check, let him pay." He added that men still like to feel like men, especially when many of us are making more money than them, and they can find it a little intimidating.
That made me ponder an entire new question, but for now I want to know how you
feel about women paying sometimes when going on a date?
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Comments (65)
Well when women can approach men ask them out on a date, we'll talk. I would like to be asked out!! why must men do it!?
thats what really grinds my gears, back to you diane. (family guy referance)
I like your thinking. I feel sorry for the guy when he has to pay for EVERY expense because if it doesn't work out then ALL of his money is wasted.
@DarkWaver@xanga - I got the reference! Yay. lol.
While ideally I agree with paying for half, I have been burned too much that I would just prefer to get a free meal/whatever out of it. But sure if I ask him out, I'll pay. However, I once took my friend (not even a date) out for his birthday and he insisted on paying. He told me he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he let me pay. I was like ummm, okay go for it.
My bf and I used to just have the system of one person pay for everything one time and the next time, the other person do it. But on the first date, it's important not to go somewhere not too expensive and easily affordable, so if the date doesn't end up connecting, it won't break anyone's bank too badly.
I usually let the guy do it on the first dates
I think it's fine to go dutch, I used to do that with my ex but for me, I feel that some things should be more traditional.. there are some things that guys should pay for, like my ex paid for our couple rings.-. but for regular dates, we both chipped in.
My boyfriend and I take turns. We're both indecisive and it takes us a while to find a place to go, but generally we're both pretty easy, especially when it comes to food and the prices are usually in the same ballpark. I highly doubt we'd ever make a big deal of breaking even, but fairness is nice. I would be really uncomfortable if a guy paid for everything.
My boyfriend and I split it. He'll pay for food, I'll pay for the movie...or something similar. He sometimes pays for me completely, and sometimes I'll pay for him completely, too :)
I definitely don't mind paying for dates, especially when I instigated the date. However in general, i think the first few dates lend themselves to the guy paying. It's quite romantic, and it shows me he is interested. Once we're more together, I honestly feel bad if he pays every time. Makes me feel a little like I'm taking advantage.
I'm going to go ahead and say I don't even like to ask the guy out, because I see my friends try to get guys interested in them by trying to take THEM out, and they just end up frustrated and hurt when they keep trying to make something happen that the guy doesn't want to make happen. He says yes because he's flattered, or yeah, it's cool to get asked out by a girl, but... in my experience, most guys will make something happen if they are interested (not to say that I won't TALK to a guy first, or tell him I enjoyed meeting/talking to him - which is what I did with my last relationship... and then he asked me out on a date the next night ).
Anyways, when I go on a first date, it's the guy who has asked me, and I would think he would pay. On the other hand, if I DO suggest something, I will pay no problem. When I've been out with someone a few times, I will pay for dinner, and even if we aren't in a relationship and we go out for drinks or something along those lines, I'll pay for him. So on an actual first date type setting, I would probably be a bit turned off he didn't pay... I would still pay, and I wouldn't say anything, but honestly, I probably wouldn't stay interested (I've tried not to let it get to me before when that's happened because I know it isn't fair, but it always does), but in a more casual setting, or later in the relationship, I will foot just as much as he will. I still like it when the guy pays for dinner when we go out on a date, but I'll offer to pay for the rest of the evening.
So... that's my opinion.
I like to alternate who pays. I feel uncomfortable if the guy pays for everything. Even though, I did date one guy who acted like I had injured his male pride when I paid for dinner. After that, he seemed to make a point of getting to the check before I did. But, really I prefer to pay for myself or if I call someone up and want to go out, I’ll pay.
My boyfriend and I are both very focused on equality and split absolutely every expense right down the line - I even pitch in for gas when he drives me around. We either alternate costs or split the bills. When we go to the movies, he covers tickets and I cover concessions. When we go out bowling, we split the bill. I pay for every other meal out. If you're serious about who you're with, you'll ideally ed up sharing expenses in the long run, anyway.
I'm totally with you on that. My current boyfriend finds it strange that I always offer to pay for dates and such because he already has a job and I'm just a student. I just get really uncomfortable when people pay for me- I may be a student but I can still afford to pay for my own things! I just don't like the feeling of "owing" :P Plus if I'm the one that suggested we go somewhere, I don't see why he has to pay for me as well.
I feel the same way as you! But every time I pay, it confuses whoever I'm out with. A lot. That's what I've found...Especially with my current boyfriend! When we first started dating, we went bowling. He payed. A few nights later I asked him to catch a movie with me, and when he got there I was waiting, tickets in hand. He was like "wait...you already payed for my ticket?"
Yeah. I did. I've always felt that way. I'm not a Princess. Treat me right, but don't assume that I can't pay, ya know? Especially when I make more than you.=P@DarkWaver@xanga - Who's to say they can't? I've asked guys out before, and I really don't think it's a big deal. I'm sure I'm not the only one.
I dont like other people paying for me.... PERIOD.
It's uncomfortable.. It's not because of like "WOMEN POWER!" or anything like that, but I feel guilty when others pay for me, other than my own parents.
If I go on a date, I always offer to pay my own half, but if they dont let me, I HAVE TO pay the tip, otherwise I tell them I'm gona be pissed off.
At first, my boyfriend and I took turns paying because we were both students and I didn't want him to pay for everything. Sometimes, we would even split the bill. Now, after dating for 3 years, he pays 99% of the time when we go out, partly because he has a job right now and I don't. Now, whenever I offer to pay for anything, he always ask me "why?" He feels bad if I pay since I'm jobless. Another reason is that he just became comfortable with it and it didn't matter to him anymore. There are times that I would insist on paying and he would just let me.
No offense to anyone, just my personal view, but I do know some girls would make the guys pay for everything, and they believe it's a man's job to fork out the money. However, I do have some guys friends and I hear them say from time to time that girls are so expensive. I know girls want to be treated nice and have the guys be "gentleman" and pay for everything, but please feel for the guy too. Guys work hard to earn money to take girls out on dates, so if the girl pays sometimes too, it would should she cares about him as well. A relationship is a two-day deal, so I think that should go with eating out on dates too. I do know some girls would intentionally pick an expensive restaurant like Sushi or Italian because they make sure the guy pays, so they can eat what they want, which they would usually not get if they were the one paying. I think this is terrible, especially if you're interested in the guy, you wouldn't do this to him. Now if you're husband and wife, that's a different story because by that time, it really doesn't matter anymore...
i agree with you.
s/he who asks, pays. it's as simple as that. how disgusting to suppose that one person has to pay just because of his gender.
@DarkWaver@xanga - i am usually the asker-outer. i go for what i want. :)
I go by the who asked first method too but I always offer to get my food. Once the relationship is established then you can talk about finances. There have been times I didnt have alot of money so I would specify "hey lets get drinks & appetizers/dessert" or something.
I find it funny how some girls wants to be independent women then fall back into the old fashioned thinking when it comes to dating & wonder why some men dont like them. Compromise is key!
it's give and take. I agree where a man should pay if he asks the girl out, but the girl can also offer to pay, if he asks her out too. If 7 times out 10 the guys pay, then let them, ladies... pay the other 3 times. It's sweet, and the guys also likes it too. It shows them that the girl likes them enough to offer to pay.
I haven't been on a date in awhile since my boyfriend and I have been together for two years. They've turned into more of just hanging out and less of dates haha. Anyway, we always just pay for ourselves. When I visited him in January he actually paid for a lot of everything since he has a good paying job and I paid to fly out there so we were probably about equal. I think on the first date it's nice for the guy to pay or at least offer to. I've had guys who asked me out and then just expected me to pay. I definitely paid for my boyfriend while he was living near me and he was low on money since the living expense in California is way different than Texas, but they were always times I asked him to go to dinner with me. He's paid for me quite a few times, too. I think it's a good idea to keep it equal. No one is really made of money and with the economy the way it is you shouldn't expect someone to foot the bill especially every time.
@EccentricSiren@xanga - but i am sure your a rare one
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - again, a rarity. Lol.
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http://www.shoes4world.com/
So far my boyfriend pays for everything. :( I feel soooo bad about it, because he's awesome, but I don't have a job! And he's all, "You should NEVER have to pay for anything" and that's so incredibly sweet, but I still feel guilty. :(
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - yeah, but how often do girls approach guys let along ask guys out on a date.
as for me personally, it depends on the situation like if both of us who have a job or not OR if they are still in school OR how much salary differences.
I don't really care if the girls pay or not, I usually pay most of the time even if they offer to pay, But it is good that they at least have the COURTESY to offer.