Saturday, 12 March 2011
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Family Whore?
I love my best friend to death. She's been my best friend for the better part of my twenties and I always thought that she would some day really become family. You see, my best friend is my brother's girlfriend; or rather, was my brother's girlfriend. They were high school sweethearts and for as long as I remember, she was always a part of my family.
After ten years of good times and bad times, they finally called it quits. Well, more like, she called it quits. I was surprised. Surprised because for so long, she held onto their relationship; she was extremely committed to making it work, regardless of everyone's doubt. She always stuck by him and their relationship.
The night they broke up, I assumed it was just one more of those times, where they'd argue, they'd fight, they'd take a break, and then get back together because life without each other was no life at all.
Two months after they broke up, I sensed that she was interested in someone she knew better than to be interested in: a cousin of mine. I didn't say much; I held my breathe. I assumed she'd know better. But she didn't.
Is it wrong of me to end our friendship? Is it wrong of me to feel like she cheated me and our friendship? Is it wrong of me to feel extremely betrayed?
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- From: TheUglyTruth
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Comments (46)
I would think so... but then that's just me. As I see it, love falls where it will. Why try to micromanage it. If you love your friend, or anyone, you love them for who they are, not who they're with.
I don't really see the problem. If you want to end your friendship over something this stupid, maybe she's not really as great a friend as you thought she was. If you truly cared for her friendship, you'd see both sides.
I think you overreacted a little bit, personally.
Ending a friendship because of who their (or not) with? isn't that abit shallow? I have a saying i go by;
"People who mind, don't matter and people who matter, don't mind."
Can't control who wants to be with who, people change on a regular basis.
also, there is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do, it's whether you act on it. you are allowed to feel the way you want to feel.
I'm guessing the editors picked the title? I am sure everyone will point it out, but whores don't have committed relationships for ten years....
I see how you feel like she cheated on you as well. Since she was like a part of the family already. But at the same time, you have to realize that sometimes people are just not meant to be together, no matter how long they were together. You can keep friendships, but you can't keep with a relationship, if you don't feel it's right.
I think you should talk to her, about maybe trying to change her mind about seeing your cousin. But at the same time remember- Friends are forever.
maybe its just me, but I like the loyalty she's displaying to her brother. If I was in her brothers position, I think it would be pretty tough to deal with the fact that my sister was still good friends with my ex, on top of everything else going on. Not saying it's necessarily right, but it does make things a bit easier.
I think its fine that this girl likes their cousin; people can't really help how they feel. But she does have the decision to not persue him, which I really think she should consider.
Should you not be friends with her? That's really up to you, but before you make that kind of decision I would suggest having a long talk with your best friend and brother about it before you choose anything.
10 years is a long time.
@Footballblogs@xanga - Nope, that was the original title of the post.
I think you're overreacting.
The relationship was between her and your brother, not you and her. She can date whoever she wants.I don't mean to be making assumptions but you made it sound like she was the one who held up the majority of the relationship with her brother. When you have everything going against you ("everyone's doubts")...it's hard to stay extremely committed to making it work, especially if the other person isn't putting the same about of effort/commitment. So...kudos to her for sticking it out for 10 years.
As for showing interest to your cousin in a couple months...maybe should could be more sensitive to the timing and i know "girl code" says no. But if you love your best friend that much and she and your cousin are truly happy together, wouldn't you want two important people in your lives to be happy? I understand that you want to be loyal to your brother and I totally respect that...and there may be awkward times in the future but I'm sure in the end, if you want to find the good, you will find the good in the circumstances.
@jacigurl88@xanga - agreed
I can understand how you feel, but I also think it's irrational. It was THEIR relationship. While I do think it kind of sucks to be interested in another family member (especially so soon after the split), it still has nothing to do with you and your friendship with her.
Ask yourself this: if she was just a friend and it had been some other guy that wasn't related to you, would you still feel the same?
I think you're let down because you wanted her to become part of the family, and any time that long relationships end in a family, it's hard. That said, she IS your best friend. Talk to her and tell her how you feel. You might not even be right about her feelings about your cousin, and if you are it's something you should talk to her about... irrational or not. If your best friend hurts you, you should be able to talk to them about it.
Yes, you're overreacting. This is her dating life - you really shouldn't be telling her who she can and cannot date. She can make her own decisions and deal with whatever consequences may come her way. You have to keep your relationship with your brother and your bff separate. If you can't do that, then I guess you lose a friend.
it's totally your call, but best friends don't come by often :(
if my best friend dated one of my uncles, then that would be creepy and weird but a cousin, I feel a tad iffy, but whatever
I don't really want to hear my best friend talk about her relationship with my cousin though because I wouldn't want to be put in the middle and take sides later(which has happened to me before when some family members argued) but she can date whoever she wants.
you shouldnt feel betrayed. but the cousin thing wasnt a good move. but being honest, break ups do lead to losing the family members pretty much. so i think the break up alone would prob make your friendship suffer, thats just what happens.
@AsylumBlue - Wow I guess she does feel strongly :O
If I were you, I'd talk to her about it, she's your best friend so you should be able to be straight up with her, but not too mean about it. I think it's pretty awkward of her going for your cousin right after your brother and her ended. As much as people are telling you that you're overreacting, I think it's perfectly NORMAL to feel this way. We're only human after all, if I were in your position, I'd feel iffy too.
I think that you overreacted a bit, maybe you should have talked to her about it.
I disagree with everyone saying its over reacting. You'd be heartless if you weren't feeling for your brother while in a sense she is now going for your cousin..........It's a pretty intense switch up.
But.....if you are best friends then.....thinking if it was mine... I'd tell her how I felt and why I thought it would be odd but tell her it didn't mean that I didn't love her any less than before.......Thats what.....being a good best friend is all about.
First of all, I want to point out that the fact that really... People really don't have any control over who they fall in love with. Now, I'm not saying that she is in love with your cousin or anything... Just that because he is related to you doesn't change the fact that she happened to fall for him...
I can't tell you about whether it is wrong to end your friendship with her. Everyone's views on what is right or wrong is very relative. You have to do what you feel is right and when it comes to emotions such as betrayal... Well... You really shouldn't have to justify all this to anyone.
Personally, I would feel the same way... In fact, I have felt the same way. My cousin and I had a mutual friend who went out with another one of our cousins. Well, she used him pretty badly and we were all hurt by it. Needless to say, we were no longer friends with this girl.
This is such a god-awful post, that I had to comment just to let it be known further.
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You have not said anything that would justify calling her a whore. You made it very clear that she put up with your brother a long time and should know pretty well that that relationship was not worth pursuing further. And you never stated why she should not date your cousin.
So the most important thing to remember right now is that she is clearly one of your oldest and dearest friends. Nothing else you stated matters.
thank you
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