Friday, 11 March 2011
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Dating Illegal Immigrants
Although it is hard to know how many illegal immigrants are in the country, there are many estimates that this number exceeds twenty million. So of these twenty million "illegal" immigrants, how many of them are dating American citizens?
I started dating a guy about two years ago that I worked with. He had a legitimate license, spoke pretty good English, was a student at a local high school, and was extremely sweet and romantic. We pursued a fairly normal relationship, involving dates, phone calls, and all the usual good stuff.
He had a pretty normal family. He lived with his brother, mom, and sister, and to me, everything was great. I had a sweet loving boyfriend in one of the most normal, guesswork free relationships I've ever had - all signs were pointing to awesome. Honestly, the question never came up, "Are you a legal resident of the United States?" That's not usually part of my getting to know each other talk.
After seeing each other for awhile, he got in a bit of trouble and got locked up on a simple assault charge. I, being naive and stupid, went with his family while they bailed him out. After spending a whole day and $1,000 dollars, we arrived at the jail where I fully intended to pick him up, take him home, and yell at him for being stupid.
However, when we arrived at the jail, we were informed he would not be getting out. Quite the contrary, he would be picked up by INS, the Immigration and Naturalization Service, and after a series of questions about his "legal status in the US," if he was found to be illegal, he would be sent back to his country.
I sat flabbergasted the whole car ride home. "He doesn't have a social security number? How did he go to school? How did he have a license?" And what kind of person would I feel like, if I just left his side now? I felt that if he was not illegal, that our relationship would continue to be fine.
I believe it was the combination of my liberalness, my dislike for anything jail or government related, and my anger at the entire immigration system for tearing people apart, that led me to wait for his return.
And he did return, right on schedule. About four months later he was back, but now that they have his fingerprints, he has a twenty year ban from the country with no possibility of ever returning legally. Knowing about all of this made it stressful. Also, his return, specifically for me, made us pretty obligated to be together.
I guess the reason all this is coming back to me, is that he had a car accident, and is now going through the system again because he had no license. Also, illegal immigrants won't do jail time, because American taxpayers pay for that, and that is something illegal immigrants are not.
It's obvious he'll be deported; the most pressing issue is that I'm four months pregnant with his child while he goes through the system again, hopefully quickly. However, we both agree it's not right for him to return again due to all of this. This whole situation has been outside my whole realm of normalcy, but I guess normal is something we departed from the first time around.
So, tell me: Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? Have you ever dated somebody who was not a legal resident of your country, and how did it affect your relationship, if at all?
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- From: Kill_GaryLarson@xanga
- About Me: I'm not too sure about anything anymore.
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Comments (78)
I'll say a prayer for you and your loved ones. Think you'll need more then luck this time around.
I have not.
well i'm married to someone with the same issue, so i know how you feel.
Maybe the illegals should try and stay under the radar and NOT get in trouble. And when I mean, "Under the radar," I mean not playing your Spanish music at ten at night until two a.m. I am baffled at how these people get a license, attend school, and other things they're allowed to do.
I prefer if the guy that I'm potentially dating spoke fluent english, is legal and a law abiding citizen amongst other important things. but I'm biased, because I feel that sometimes the law isn't doing enough.
My heart goes out to you. He can't come back if you have his baby?
Shit. This sucks.
However, I think illegal immigrants should be persecuted even more harshly than they have these past few years. 20 million?Can someone answer this: I thought that if he were to marry you, then he would automatically gain citizenship. No?
Maybe it's because I live in California where there are thousands of illegal immigrants or (more likely) because I'm Republican, but I would never ever date an illegal immigrant. So, I understand that at one point all of our ancestors were immigrants. In fact, I'm only the second generation of my dad's family to live in the US, but when my grandparents came to the US from Ireland, they did so through the proper channels. They had sponsors to get here and they became legal citizens. Cold hearted, bitchy, etc, I have no sympathy for any illegal immigrants. I had friends in high school who were not legal citizens, but the moment they graduated high school they legally had to take their citizenship test and they all passed. I have nothing against immigrants, but illegal? No way man.
From what I've heard, even if they marry you, they cannot become legal citizens and even if she has his child, he is not allowed to come back. Children born here become citizens automatically but the parent(s), who are illegal, are deported and never allowed to come back.
I do have sympathy for illegal immigrants; you cannot blame them for seeking a better life for themselves and their family and to come to a country that offers more widespread education and a higher standard of living.
I am sorry to hear that this unfortunate string of events have split you two apart and at a crucial time in your life when you're bearing a child. I pray for you and your family.
I do sympathize with you because you didn't know he was illegal and he didn't give you any reason to think he was, but all I have to say is, I hope you have enough money to take care of that child.
I have sympathy for you both as humans and as parents. If he wants to be in his son's life then it seems you're going to have to move near the border so he can go back and forth. Although - I'm not sure if you're aware that foreigners have been kidnapping US citizens and holding them for ransom - though I'm sure most of them (children usually) are never seen alive again unfortunately. AZ has the highest kidnapping rate in the US because of that. So while for you and the baby's father that may be best I would be careful.
And an assault charge is hardly simple. If he is here illegally you would think he would be on his best behavior and turning some cheeks if he's being provoked so as to avoid getting caught illegally.
I'm with @sunflowersforlove@xanga , I agree that with as many illegal immigrants as you say there are in the US - our country is doing a piss poor job of keeping them out & extricating them. They need to be here legally or not at all.
All this whining garbage about them here to make a better life for themselves is an excuse. If they really wanted a better life for themselves & their families they would do it legally. There are reasons countries have these rules & procedures. There has to be balance & protection for the country & its citizens financially and otherwise. Or they could simply revolt against their current government if it is so bad there.
@cherryluva7@xanga - I believe so, but I have heard that it's taking a while to get citizenship even through marriage.
I know someone who was in a similar situation minus the baby and getting in trouble issues. They got married so she could stay. They were planning on getting married someday anyway, but they just had to do it earlier because of the legal issues of her being deported.
NO sympathy for the illegal immigrant from me. They should pay taxes fair and square. I hate having to think they get a free ride while the rest of us are pooring money into this godforsaken economy in taxes and other expenses.
@cherryluva7@xanga - No.
what does "simple assault charge" mean??
If he marries you, he will become a citizen. A relative of mine once married a woman so she could gain citizenship. As soon as they were married long enough for her to become a citizen, they divorced and she went on with her life elsewhere in America. She actually owns a bridal shop now.
I want to make a point that not all illegal immigrants are not trying to do anything about their paperwork, many are, and it is just a very difficult, long, and expensive process. Also, not all illegal immigrants are not paying their taxes, but are very much paying all the expenses that everyone else has to pay. I don't think it's fair to completely generalize all illegal immigrants.
Anyway, I am sorry for the situation you are facing.. I can imagine it must be very difficult. I have not been in that kind of relationship, but I remember there's something about getting married that could legalize someone's status over a certain period of time? Hang in there, your family can get through this.
@demonchic6669@xanga - I would love to hear more from you. I really put this out there to maybe find some people going through this and get some advice.
@cherryluva7@xanga - @o0dahts_me@xanga - @donspike@xanga - @tomorrow_may_rain@xanga - I just want to throw this out there, after someone is caught illegaly in the United States, you cannot marry them in, he has a twenty year ban from even coming here at all in any way shape or form ever. I've talked to some lawyers about this and it's pretty unfortunate.
@vballer1410@xanga - You know, I think they told me they were going to use vballer's money for his bus ride home, so thanks!
@WhenHateIsTheOnlyOption@xanga - whoa, youre a fucking dumb ass.
@cherryluva7@xanga - No to that question. You must apply through immigration status. If he is deported before your paperwork it approved, then he or she could be banned from the country for years before allowing re-entry. If you are married, then do the paperwork. It is a long and expensive journey.
Interesting story. Can't say i been in that situation, but it often makes me wonder; would you (not personally, but generally) be on his side if you didn't know them that well?
I love how y'all assume that all Illegal Immigrants are the same...Mexican, non-taxpaying, trouble causing, etc.
I'm
not illegal, but I do have a brother who is. He was brought here when
he was only two months old from INDIA, legally, but due to
circumstances, my parents ended up overstaying their visa, thus making
them illegal. Yes, they did break the law by overstaying, and yes they
have been persecuted for it, but life was anything BUT a free ride for
my parents and my brother. I don't say that my parents did the right
thing, but they did what they had to provide my brother with a better
life than what he would have gotten back home. He is now 24 years old,
spending 24 years in the county, working three jobs, going to school,
AND paying taxes. My parents have never missed a year of paying taxes.
They own their own business and they have paid taxes for that as well.
As soon as my brother turned 21 he started paying his own taxes. You may
ask how he was able to work, get into school, etc. Well there are legal
exceptions such as a work authorization, which will enable illegal
immigrants to work and get their licenses and get into school. But only
minor part time jobs, and NO financial aid. And he did just that. He has
never committed even the most petite felony, let alone even get a
speeding ticket for that matter. He's a lawful citizen, hard working,
very intelligent, and just like any other American citizen,working his
BUTT off for school because he is not allowed financial aid, and now
after 24 years, he's being deported because it's NOT easy to get a Green
Card, whatever you may believe.
Again, I'm not siding with illegal
immigrants, nor am I saying none of them are at fault, I'm just saying
that everyone has their stories, and you shouldn't assume they are all
the same. For all you know, your best friend whom you admire could be an
illegal citizen on the verge of getting deported. When I hear the word
amnesty, I just want to yell, because y'all have no idea what it's like,
and I'm an American citizen. If you must blame someone, blame the
parents, because that's what I've done. Their desire to give their kid a
safe and successful life was probably the biggest mistake they've ever
made.
Anyway, I'm sorry about that little rant, this is not about
my brother, this is about you. I'm terribly sorry that you've been put
in this situation, it must really suck. I can only IMAGINE what you're
going through. For one thing, he probably shouldn't have take advantage
of his opportunity to live here in the US and done what he did, but
that's a personal fault, and not something he did because he was
illegal. I know you fell in love with him because of who he is, and the
fact that he's illegal shouldn't change that. I honestly don't know what
you can do. I'm so sorry girl, I highly sympathize.