Friday, 11 March 2011
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Adventures In Post-Sex Cuddling: A Man's View
News flash, ladies: the stereotype is true. Men don't like to cuddle after sex. The truth is, it's not as bad as it sounds; we've just had terrible PR for the past hundred years or so. Here's the scene most of you probably imagine when you think of the guy passing up on the cuddle:
Following a supremely intimate lovemaking session, the two soul mates collapse on the bed next to each other. After removing the ball-bearing from her mouth, the woman turns towards her lover, ready to embrace him and feel his warmth, run her fingers through his chest hair, and disappear into his arms. Instead, she grabs a pillow, opens her eyes, and finds him putting his argyles back on and lighting up a stogie. "Sorry, honey, my tee time is in fifteen minutes, I've gotta run!"
Hogwash, I say. Let's go over some facts.
First of all, more often than not, we're doing all the work, and it shows. Even if you've been riding him like Seabiscuit, you're a girl - you don't sweat until you've ran four miles and done 150 crunches. Alright, before the storm of comments informing me that women, too, have the right to sweat thanks to the landmark ruling in Jane Doe vs. The State of Louisiana (1964), let me clarify: you don't sweat like us.
I'm in solid shape - I run at least three times a week - and I still sweat if I go overboard on the hot sauce. If I forget something on the 3rd floor and run back up to get it, I'm dabbing my neck with a kerchief. If I'm shaking the sheets on a hot day in July? You better believe I'm going to be hot, sweaty, and willing to murder a 3rd-world baby for an ice-cold beer. The prospect of embracing is less than desirable, for both you and I.
See? We're just lookin' out for ya.
Secondly, there are some fundamental differences between women and men that even I don't fully understand. I can't explain why, but after we bury the bone, we feel different. Call it fatigue, call it the calm after the endorphin storm; whatever you call it, the male climax is a complete and utter transformation.
It drains all emotional arousal and leaves you wondering where the wet naps are, and how much time is left in the game. The psychological effects are almost instantaneous. Here's some more proof that it's beyond our control: I can recall masturbating during my early years, when I was still figuring out how to use all the tools in the shed, and afterward having this feeling of disgust. "What am I doing?? This is gross!" That was the 15-year-old version of not wanting to cuddle.
Don't get me wrong - I'm a cuddler. I'll freely admit it. If pressing myself against the warm body of a beautiful woman makes me less of a man, then we need to amend the rules. But that doesn't change the fact that after sex, I need to be treated like a dying beached whale - just pour some water on me and give me some space.
Do you think that cuddling after sex is a must, or do you let your man wash you down with an Amstel Light?
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About the Author
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- From: jackieboy
- Name: jackieboy
- Location: New York City, New York, United States
- About Me: I'm here to give all the gals out there a glimpse into the mind of a regular dude. I won't show you everything - really, a lot of the time it's pretty barren, maybe a random boob here or there - but for once you'll know what we're like when you aren't around. Not all of us, but most of us...including your boyfriend that says stuff like, "He's totally wrong babe, you know I love it when you wear those gladiator heels! Whatever makes you comfortable!" You might love me, you might hate me, you might wanna date me - but in the end, you'll realize I was right all along.
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Comments (103)
I love this~ And honestly, the same can be said for a lot of women. I'd rather grab a quick shower, a cold beer, and some sweats first....or just roll over and pass out!
I don't like the feeling of sweat hugging sweat. When you're doing the deed and sweating all over one another, it's fine then, but I don't like feeling all gross and clammy at the end. And I don't want to share that with my girlfriend because it's a disgusting nasty feeling and she deserves better. However since she likes to cuddle, I'm willing to put my own preferences aside and cuddle for a bit.
Plus I tend to run warm anyways which means post-sex, I feel like I'm on fire. I'm the guy who kicks all the blankets off, keeps a bottle of water by the bed, and opens all the windows after doing the deed.
ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
My boyfriend always cuddles with me ^_^
My boyfriend always cuddles me :) He's probably more into it than I am!
My husband has always initiated the cuddling. Although he's a pushover when it comes to me (I try really hard not to take advantage), so he could just be humoring me...
But he honestly doesn't seem to mind.
-Katie
Yeah usually the reason a guy wont want to cuddle, I find, is because it gets too hot for them. Which kinda sucks because girls are usually cold and want to cuddle. Ah well...
I understand the whole "ew wth is this" after climaxing. I often have that feeling. I think mostly for girls (speaking only for myself) it just does make you feel more connected to someone because you were just so vulnerable with someone, so that instinct to cuddle comes in. Plus it feels nice.My husband almost always wants to cuddle after sex. Hell, we usually cuddle until our hands start wondering which leads to round 2.. 3.. sometimes round 4.
I don't mind cuddling. But it all depends on the type of sex, how long it lasted, how hot it is, whether the bed is clean, whether she or I are clean etc. Lots of factors, and generally the factors don't work in favor of wanting to just lay down after and cuddle. Sometimes yeah, but generally it's just too hot. I don't drink and I don't smoke, but sometimes a glass of water, or a shower is nice after.
I think I would just sleep after sex
There is actually a scientific reason behind why most men do not like to cuddle after sex. Simple article that explains both sides: http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_250/283_cuddling.html
Sometimes my man doesn't mind but usually afterward we both need our space. Especially in the middle of the summer when it's hot as hell and you don't want to be near anyone for long periods of time.
since women can have multiple orgasms, then maybe I'm overwhelmed with too much pleasure that my limbs are weak, so I can't move even if I wanted to. so the "just laying there" isn't necessarily a bad sign, but that might mean that he is such a stallion that I'm having multiple orgasms. if the sex was okay to good, then I'll have extra energy to cuddle. if it was multiple orgasmic sex, I'll usually just pass out for a while or be in a smiley daze
lol I usually prefer to cuddle on the sofa while watching tv/movie. during sex isn't a must, but it is a mood killer if I was snuggling under his sweaty hairy armpits~
I don't have to cuddle (it's not a must) but my boyfriend and I will usually take a shower together afterward, turn the fan on and cuddle.
I’m not really big on cuddling. Usually, after sex, I just need space. The way I see it: he’s sweaty, I’m sweaty and I can cool down faster if his sweaty arm isn’t holding me against his sweaty chest. Besides, I’m usually the one that gets dressed and leaves in a hurry right after we’re done. I don’t stick around and cuddle.
I love cuddling and my boyfriend does cuddle with me after. It might sound disgusting to most people, but we don't mind each other's sweat :D
It's weird, I totally know what you mean and I've always been like that after orgasm. From what I hear though, it's like I'm the only girl who's that way. I actually wish I weren't... Every guy I've had sex with (or, more specifically: had an orgasm with) has not appreciated it. I've never been with a guy who rolls away from me. lol, sometimes I wish they would..
my boyfriend always cuddles with me...and i love itttt
My boyfriend usually always goes and smokes immediately after. Then, he comes back and cuddles. I'm assuming he's no longer sweaty by then anyway :p
I'm not a cuddler, really, and I'm a girl. I like to air off a bit first, or walk around the bed and get my legs to work properly sometimes. Closeness is nice and all, but it's so much better after being cooled off a bit.
I think it just depends on the person. I know plenty of women who feel that way, and I know guys who love to cuddle after. The guy I'm seeing is huge into cuddling after. We are both gross, cuddly, sweaty, and smell like all sorts of sex, and he always initiates the post-sex cuddle...with or without his cigarette first.
I don't know what kind of sex you have, but I always sweat.. even if I'm on the bottom. I put in some serious effort. LOL.
I don't need a lot of cuddling but I hate when the erection fades and it falls out of me. I just love the feeling of him inside me. but once we get to that inevitable stage, yeah, I'm ready for sleep. I don't need to be spooned all night long.
Sometimes my husband will cuddle, sometimes he won't. Sometimes I'll want to cuddle, sometimes I won't. If I ask him to stay he usually will happily. He don't mind because he knows it makes me happy. If he asks me to stay and cuddle and I would rather just lay there catching my breath, I'll cuddle because I know it's what he wants. I believe relationships are about compromise(not solely). You have to give a little to get a little. In the end you will both be happier.
Interesting...I definitely understand the hot, sweaty and need space part. Maybe it's just a coincidence, I've never met a guy who doesn't want to cuddle after sex. Sometimes cuddling gets uncomfortable to me, especially if the guy has heavy arms or legs draping over me, squashing me. On the other hand, I guess it's a reminder that I tend to attract guys who like to show affections? Hmm...