Friday, 11 March 2011
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To Wed or Not to Wed: An Idealistic View on Marriage
From shainanairobi.ricketts@gmail.comLately, I have been involved in lots of conversations about marriage. I don't know if it's because of the time of year, age, or just because women like to talk about marriage, but for whatever reason it has come up quite a few times just this week alone. Now Rob and I also have lots of conversations about marriage but as I think about it, the conversations aren't that in depth.
We generally discuss why marriages don't work, what we will have to keep doing to ensure ours does, and our fears about the subject in general. It's odd because as much as I have always wanted to be married, I have friends who have always desired to stay as far away from "I DO" as possible and that is so foreign to me. But recently I was asked why I wanted to get married.
I realized that the answer is not quite as easy to formulate into words as I thought.
Ever the ponderer, I began to truly think about this question and tried to put my emotions about marriage into words but I was really difficult, so I started scribbling all over a piece of paper without paying much attention to what I was writing.
I started doing this some years ago when I realized that I tend to think so much that my subconscious can't always keep up and by scribbling, I can later look at what I write and find some meaning in it. So as I was watching the television, I started writing all over this spare piece of paper and at the end I was able to start putting it together.
I've always wanted to be married. Really. Some girls dream about money and living a fancy life, but I have always wanted to be someone's missus. But it wasn't until very recently that I really began to understand what having a real marriage really means. In my own words, its like one of the most rewarding jobs I will ever have.
It's a job because it's the joining of two completely different people who have to compromise and ultimately understand the ins and outs of the other person. Every relationship is different so I can only speak of my own, and I know for sure that we have worked so hard and communicated so much to get to where we are now and we are really just starting.
Marriage is about being prepared to let someone see exactly how fucked up you are and who you are through and through. It's being emotionally naked in front of someone. It's trusting someone enough to let them into the depths of your being and knowing that no matter what, they will love you anyway-AND THAT SHIT IS HARD. It's a commitment of mind, body and soul for the world and heavens to see and acknowledge.
So when I was asked this question about why I wanted to get married, I realized something that I had not consciously stated to myself or anyone else because I didn't really think about it, it's just been something I knew I wanted to do, but that argument doesn't hold anymore. I've had a lot of boyfriends and most of them wanted to marry me (not bragging, this is truth) so I could have been married a long time ago.
I can honestly say that I no longer just want to get married- I want to marry him. I want to cook, clean, and take care of him; be his. And I want that to be recognized by my God. People don't realize that if God doesn't approve, no matter what religion you are, your relationship will fail. Period.
I want all the good and am prepared for the bad times. I don't want it because it's the next step, but because I want him. My perfect match. Once upon a time I was in a rush, but not anymore. The anticipation is actually exciting. Wondering when it will happen, how it will happen, and knowing that it will be him.
Maybe its super cliche but I can think of nothing better than being with this guy for the rest of my life, and while you don't have to be married to be with someone forever, for me, it solidifies everything. It's the ultimate expression of trust and love for someone and I guess some people don't need that, but I want it. To each his/her own.
Have you dreamed of getting married, and have you been excited for it?
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Comments (40)
Just fyi, not everyone believes in god. So that statement saying about if God doesn't approve then your marriage fails is kind of silly to make. Not everyone is going to agree with that. Just letting you know.
@Hinase@xanga - word.
I think that most of the people who´s life dream is getting married just want a wedding, not a marriage.
I know a girl who went to macys, put on hold an engagement ring and then gave her then boyfriend the receipt so he could propose to her :S she just wanted a wedding. They gor married in november and are still together but I dont think that will last.
I've never dreamed of getting married. My boyfriend and I have highly considered running off to Vegas and eloping. My parents have been married for like almost 30 years and they got eloped in Vegas and they are ironically enough the only marriage that has lasted out of their siblings and parents. Anyway, I guess that isn't really the question. I want to get married eventually, but only if it's to me current boyfriend, but if he doesn't want to get married then I'm sure we'll be fine. If we survive this long distance battle and everything else that has already happened, I'm pretty sure I could survive not being his wife, especially if I got to wake up to him everyday instead of a thousand miles away. Marriage has never been a big thing to me though.
@Hinase@xanga - That is exactly what I was thinking haha.
@PseudoEuphoric@xanga - Of course, I wasn't discounting that..it's just that everyone has different beliefs and not everyone believes in one thing. That's all I'm saying =D Nothing more or nothing less.
I feel similarly. I want to be married because it'll mean I have found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with and want to take care of and show and share my life with. All the things you said, pretty much. And to me marriage solidifies it and is the ultimate expression of trust and love. And it goes along with it that the guy I end up with would have similar beliefs about marriage as well.
minus the God thing (sorry, but the most successful marriages i'm personally aware of don't have God present as a third party), i agree.
"No matter what religion you are," huh? What about people who aren't religious?
To assume everyone is religious, just like you, is insular and naive. It's also offensive, actually, and makes me less likely to want to listen anything else you have to say, on this topic or any other. I mean, if you don't care to respect my beliefs or non-beliefs, why should I give your writings the time of day?
I want to get married. I want to find that person who loves me in spite of all my crazy and says they want forever with me. I want to be able to make someone happy.
sigh.
When I was a little girl and my friends all dreamed of their weddings and who they were going to marry and looked through magazines to find dresses...I just didn't care. But now that I'm with the most perfect guy that I could ever be with? I want to be his so badly. We've talked about it once or twice, but never really gone in depth. We both know that we'll eventually get married, but like you said...it's just about "when". No rush. It's a mystery. And it's exciting.
hmm. lol o__o i was a true skeptic of marriage, and love the whole bit, but somehow i've been convinced that maybe just maybe i do want the marriage. the marriage is to be with the person, not for the glamor and storybook wedding. fuck that princess complex nonsense. i want him for him, not for one attention seeking luxurious day. being with him would mean much more than the actual wedding party.
@Hinase@xanga - I have issues with this statement. It's not you, I promise. It's just this statement that so many people use when Christians write blogs and/or reply to other's comments stating their beliefs. I'm going to bring God and my beliefs into all of my conversations because I'm a Christian and I believe I'm right (although it's not me, it's God), just like any other person with religious beliefs (or non-beliefs) will believe they're right and will want to state their beliefs. So saying, "Not everyone believes in God.", and also pretty much saying your belief system isn't valid for everyone is rather offensive. I'm saying that because one of my reason's for being on this earth (that God created, might I mention) is to be a witness for God, telling people what he's done for me, what he can do for you, and what he's all about (for lack of a better phrase). And I say all of this because I believe all of this (obviously), so why would I stop saying it just because I know there are people on this earth that don't believe what I believe?
I'm (hopefully) going to be getting married next summer. I'm praying so hard that my boyfriend and I do get married next summer. We've been dating for 2 years now and we've been talking about marriage since we started dating.
We are of the same mind in this matter. Same reasoning and everything. I totally want to get married. :)
@xhalesx@revelife - I am a Christian btw. Though I'm thinking you're overtaking a single statement and running it off somewhere. There is no intentions of dissing any other religions, it's just simply stating, that not everyone believes in god that is fact. Not everyone believes in god. The end. Simple as that. If you see something in it, then you're looking much too deep into it. And regardless, it's not meant to offend but to just point out something. I had a bit of a problem with what the poster was saying about if it's not right with god, it won't work. Unfortunately, not everyone believes in god, and I feel perhaps, this poster is imposing his/her own beliefs down a bit of our throats. I like it better when people are subjective and I felt like this post wasn't all so much. I understand it is written from a personal view but adding that bit that he/she wrote was an insult. I'm a christian, a full devoted christian and I personally thought it wasn't right. One can't judge people by someone else's standards especially if another person believes something else especially on important topics like marriage etc; etc;. Like I said, whatever you are getting out of that simple statement, forget it and stop reading too much into it. Sometimes a sentence is just a sentence and means nothing more.
@PseudoEuphoric@xanga - Making sure. Lol
I wish I wanted to be married. Stupid thinking lol.
i don't understand why datingish decided to highlight the god part in order to stir up controversy or something.
Oh well then I guess atheists shouldn't get married.
I'm not going to get into the religion thing -- being an atheist, I'm apparently going to hell no matter what I do, so fuck it -- but I want to get married at some point because it's sort of like a promise, in my eyes, that you'll be there for each other. I mean, of course I want the wedding, but I moreso want a person to spend my life with, that I can tell anything to, that I never have to worry about thinking I'm crazy. And I want to be the same thing for him.
i want to get married too, but right now i'm not sure if my bf is the one (all that "I want to cook for him and to clean for him etc." ? not feeling it..) , and i've been dating him for over a year already.. :\
@Hinase@xanga - I'm just telling you that I'm sick of people using that statement. We ALL know that Not everyone believes in God. And as a fellow Christian I would think that your goal would be the same as mine. It's all written out clearly in the Bible what our goals as Christians should be. I thought she did a great job writing her post. She was honest. "People don't realize that if God doesn't approve, no matter what religion you are, your relationship will fail. Period." That was truth. And truth needs to be said. We shouldn't live our lives only saying what the world wants to hear. We should live our lives wanting to say and do things pleasing to God.
@yan_ni@xanga - That's how I was with my first boyfriend. I ended up breaking up with him because I decided he wasn't the one. The like not even a month later I start really talking to a guy at my church and we start dating. He's the one. And I can't wait to be his wife and give him a clean home and cook for him. I'm excited.
@xhalesx@revelife - That's truth by our standards, not by everyone's else. Again, I'll repeat because you don't listen. Sorry if you get tired of hearing that..but that's really the truth. A lot of people don't believe in god and have different religions. That is their truth and their beliefs. Yes, but I'm not going to shove my beliefs down people's throats either. There is a difference. I'll only talk about my beliefs if someone is interested. Nothing more. And I'll help people but even if you are sick of it, deal with it. I'm done with this. Done arguing with you.
@Hinase@xanga - Okay. It's awesome that you think I'm not understanding what you are saying and I was by NO means trying to start an argument. I'm just tell you, as a fellow believer, that there is something wrong with disputing other Christians for being witnesses (which is what you were doing by saying that not everyone believes in God). Well Duh! God put us on this earth to be witnesses (yes I know I've said that a lot, but I obviously need to say it again) to those people who don't believe in God and/or believe in false gods. No it's not our job to shove our beliefs down everyone's throats. But, it is our job to evangelize and fellowship, etc. And it is also our job to talk to other believers when they are going against the Bible, so sorry if I sound judgy.