Well, to begin with, I need to clarify that I really love my boyfriend and he loves me too. It's a bit weird to say but his popularity among people is putting me under immense pressure.
I am the kind of girl who'd rather keep her social circle small but intimate. I have great girl/guy friends that I know and they love me for who I am. In short, I'm not the loner type but I'm not good at socializing, either. The fact is that I kind of hate being surrounded by crowds. Having too many strangers around makes me feel a bit uneasy.
My boyfriend is the opposite of me. He's humorous, charming, handsome and sociable. He gets along with all kinds of people easily. Another reason adding to his popularity is that he is really rich and generous (of course that's not the reason why I love him, but it might be the reason for many who want to get close to him). He has many pretty, talkative and social girlfriends but he always keeps a distance with them, and has been very loyal to me.
I know he loves me but sometimes I really doubt we should be together because we seem so different when it comes to socializing. He once told me that the reason he chose me to be his girlfriend was that, I'm special and different from all the other girls he's met. "In what sense?" I asked. He said he wasn't sure.
I don't feel secure at all as I have no clue why this charming guy is attracted to ME while he has so many other choices readily available at hand.
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend who is so popular that you are afraid of losing them because you think he/she would one day turn to someone who's more or less of the same social type?
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Comments (43)
I think you need to get over your insecurities...he picked you for a reason. If you can't handle that he has a lot of friends then maybe you need to move on.
Mmm...if you're really running in different social circles, it might be an issue later, but if he doesn't think it's a problem, then don't worry about it.
Hun, if he loves you and he's loyal (with a history of being loyal) then you really have no problems when it comes to social circumstances. How do I know? My boyfriend (and future husband) is the exact same way! He has incredible social energy and is the life of every party while I'm his quiet girlfriend who thinks serious thoughts and doesnt crack jokes every other sentence (as he does). It isnt a problem, though, as we interact evenly when we are alone or in other circumstances (ie family events). His relationships with other people are his business, as long as he remains loyal and supportive of me (and my often quiet approach).
yes. my boyfriend is super popular at school. and i wasnt.
An ex actually said something similar to me.
My dad held an esteemed position within our town so everyone knew me (although I didn't know many of them). And my ex wanted to be introduced to everyone I had a conversation with in passing.
Yup. My Dad too. EVERYONE and their Mom knows my Dad. So they all know me. When I'm home people are always like "you're Cliff's daughter, right?" And even when I'm not at home! Like right now I'm halfway across the country, and I met someone who knows my Dad. Just by chance. AGH!
And my boyfriend? He's in a band. EVERYONE (especially girls) loves him. And it's hard being nice and smiling all the time when I just want everyone to go away so I can have him to myself. Especially since we don't see eachother often. Like...I don't know these people. I don't care to know them all.
now you're just putting your own confidence level down...
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - agreed
As a guy who falls into the category of a social nut, if he's with you then he is with you for a reason. Just because he's super social doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. Believe me, even though he might be super social, with you he can be his real self and you'll be able to see the layers of him.
You should take your bf's word for it. He likes you because you're special to him and he may have tons of friends, but he wants to be with you and can be himself with you. I asked my bf the same question you asked yours, and he wasn't able to specify in great detail either. I think guys aren't descriptive, especially if it's about their feelings. Plus, you said he's loyal to you and from the way he keeps the girls at a distance, he respects and cherishes you, so don't fear.
it sounds like kanye west and his ex-gf, amber rose. he was the popular one and she was mainly the hot armcandy to accompany him to events. maybe that's what he meant by "wasn't sure." because he didn't want to describe you in an objectifying way
nearly every guy that I've met gave me that "you're different." line but couldn't follow up with an actual reason or two, but when they asked me, I gave them specific reasons. if it is that difficult for the guy to answer, I question whether he is even paying attention and my pet peeve is when people don't pay attention. if you trust that he is all these great things, then be with him. I don't think I'd even start dating a guy if our lifestyles were too contrasting; I'm quite mellow, so I don't think I'd enjoy being around someone flamboyant. I don't like having lots of casual social friend/acquaintances, but a few close friends.
Sounds like he's more confident than you are, at this point. Don't freak out and ditch someone because you feel inferior. It's irrational.
Hmmmm I am a little vary of his "unsure" response.
It is nice to know that some people out there are as introverted as me when it comes to socializing. truly, you are me 5 years ago.
to tell you the truth? you have to get over it. if you love him and you know it, who cares? let's say he does choose someone else over you, you can't change that, or force it to go your way. i have the very same kind of relationship, where my significant other is popular, not because of any other reason except her charisma. sure it crosses my mind, dont you doubt, so if he loves you, enjoy knowing it, because being insecure is only going to hurt you in the end.
so ultimately, no, atleast not anymore.
In school I was a loner, I kept to myself. People only knew through my artwork in magazines.
My boyfriend was all over the place, he was in clubs, and was class president.
I never thought we would get together (even though I had a crush on him).
His personality definitely attracts people (especially the females).
I know he's loyal to me, but I also have insecurities.
Stay with him. Don't break out of the relationship simply because you think you differ in social circles and can't believe you are together. Only break up if you think this is a real issue or maybe your feelings aren't as strong as you thought.
If your feelings are there, then remain. Don't be afraid that he'll go to other people. Be appreciative and feel like you're the luckiest girl in the world. I do every time I see him. I think I can't believe I got him. We've been together for six years now.
without sounding like i'm tooting my own horn, i'm kind of like your boyfriend. there's the part of me that likes really outgoing girls, and the part of me that thinks shy girls are cute. i wouldn't be surprised if he thinks the same thing i do.
but in any case, as @DarkWaver@xanga pretty accurately said it, being insecure is only going to hurt you.
I say keep him and deal with your insecurities. Only worry about it if he's doing anything that would set off some flags.
Not really, but everyone knows my parents, and in turn, they all know me. They all see me in town and want to know everything about me. My parents hold trusted positions at the local hospital, and are pretty well respected, which does make things quite awkward sometimes, but my boyfriend doesn't really care. He's easy to get along with and very sociable, so it's never really been a problem.
ha.. i loved the obama pic..
this website is very good, you can go and see it
http://www.shoes4world.com/
@Lydia_K - 'I can't believe I got him.' - that's exactly how i feel!! lol outsiders usually give me this..weird looks as if they were thinking
WHY ON EARTCH DID XXX(MY BF) PICK HER?! glad to know you guys are getting along so well:))If he loves you for who you are and is loyal then don't question. You're setting yourself up for drama and a potential breakup if you keep up with your insecurities.
Sorry I can't help lol'ing at the pic.
I feel that way with my boyfriend. He's working towards getting into the music industry so he's really social. I know it comes naturally to him. I'm more of a loner type. I have my few friends and I'm comfortable with that. I do know that he'd rather just hang out with just me than a bunch of people though. I don't let it bother me that he's social. He knows I'm shy and I think that's one of the reasons him and I get along so well. I can talk to him for hours and hours so it's not like I'm shy with him. It just works for us, I guess. I'm not afraid of losing him to his growing number of crushes. Crushes that he doesn't return mutual feelings for, of course haha. It sounds like he really cares about you, I wouldn't stress out about it too much. If he starts doing something that sets off red flags than yeah, I'd probably talk to him about it, but it sounds like he's really attune to your feelings.
My boyfriend and I are just like this, too. I put up a good front when around people I don't know, at least i try to, but I am actually very shy and I don't really talk to anyone unless they talk to me first. I just don't have that "thing" that lets me know what kinda sentence to say to a person you've never talked to before, you know? My boyfriend seems to know all the things to say to start a conversation with an absolute stranger, and he does it a lot. It was awkward at first, for me, him always bringing random people into conversations and I stand there like an idiot while he does all the talking. But I am kinda used to it now. I don't think you should be insecure about it, he obviously cares about you, and the way I see it, very social people and very shy people kind of complement each other. If both people were very social and popular all the time, it would be a battle for attention (either that, or everyone in your group of friends would get tired of all the constant babble, haha) so, you know. If it's not a problem for him, try to make it a non-problem for you and just go with it the best you can, I'm sure it will be fine :)