Wednesday, 09 March 2011
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My Name is Sarah - And I'm a flirt.
If in some crazy way you were to get my cell phone without my knowledge and go through it, you would find 90% of the names are guys. If you were to bring me to a party, I'd become social and find a group of people to get to know, most likely a group of guys.
I'm a flirt and I'll admit it.
SLUT? No.WHORE? Try again.
I don't sleep around, I flirt around. I've been told all my life "Oh, what a gorgeous little girl!" or "What a lovely young lady." I wish I could say I believed them and that I'm a stuck up bitch who knows that I'm absolutely gorgeous, but I can't.
I'm a college student with the self-esteem of a Jr. High drama queen, so I flirt to capture attention. What has this gotten me? A reputation that isn't even halfway true, angry best friends who get upset at me for starting relationships with douchebags who end up cheating on me,and two restraining orders (not against me, against two separate gentlemen that took things too far).
My question is: How do I change my ways?I really am confused.
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- From: simplyhappy22@xanga
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Comments (29)
Don't get yourself into situations where you can flirt with people. You could study more...by yourself or in a really quiet space.
If you do go to parties, just have a friend keep you accountable.
Is your flirting breaking up meaningful friendships that you have? Is your flirting becoming something that gets in the way of your life that brings more negativity then it dose joy?
Maybe you should make a pros and cons list on your flirting. Think about what is it that you get out of it and captivates you...ask yourself if you should decide to cut back on it or continue. Maybe by doing the excessive flirting you are drawing in the wrong type of guy, the manipulative cheater, who doesn't really know the true you. Is flirting a mask you put on as soon as you enter a party? Or is it just your form of socialization?
I've always been a HUGE flirt. Then I got a boyfriend who actually isn't a douche bag. Problem solved. =)
ive always been a huge flirt as well. with some people its just a natural tendency but im constantly being told how cute and skinny i am by girls, guys, adults so i guess i believe them but its just fun to flirt :)
@sleeping_on_the_edgeoftheworld@xanga - agreed
there's a girl that flirts w/ my boyfriend all the time. i hate her. and i agree.. if u get a boyfriend that u actually really like, you'll stop flirting for him.
From what I can tell, flirting isn't your problem, flirting is how you deal with your problem. Your problem (from what I read into) is that you base your self-worth off of how attractive others think you are, instead of the qualities inside of you that make you who you are. So by flirting others find you more attractive. How to solve it is by accepting that you are a good person because you are smart, kind, (insert anything positive about you that isn't physical beauty here). If somebody doesn't find you attractive, that doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, that just means that you are not their type. When you accomplish that, you will flirt when you want to, not because you feel you need to.
Maybe you feel the need to flirt to get attention, which means you don't have a healthy was of feeling worthy. I can't suggest how you go about doing this, there's cliche answers I could give, but you need to find your self-worth. You have to get to a point where you don't need superficial attention to make you feel better about yourself. You want people's attention because they truly admire you or find you fascinating for who you are (your personality). Not because of your looks or because you're overly flirty. In the end that will feel the best, but it takes discipline because you will no longer get attention whenever you want, but you need to realize the difference between that attention you're getting now and respect from people who truly enjoy your company.
Just don't flirt....... ........................................... ............................................................
What other answer were you looking for?
wow, we may be the same person hahah... possibly twins ;p
Sounds to me like you know the answer: raise your self-esteem. Easier said than done, of course, but there are ways to do it.
I used to flirt so much. Of course, this was all during high school and now I'm in my third year of college and all the guys think I'm a prude haha. The only thing that stopped me from flirting really was starting to date the absolutely most amazing guy and I just didn't have the urge to flirt anymore. My first semester of college we were broken up though and I took that time to get to know my girl friends even more. You could always just try to make more girl friends and while at parties go hang out with girls instead of guys or whatever.
you may not be a literal slut/whore, but it sounds like you are an attention whore and self proclaimed "self esteem of a jr high drama queen," who gets a fix out of the drama/misconceptions about you that is created by your abundant flirting with many guys. so you feed off of the attention. I think there are two types of stuck up bitches; the ones with big egos and the ones with low self esteem...but there isn't that great of a difference, because both are motivated by their ego to increase their self esteem. my advice is don't seek attention in the wrong places(I've been guilty of doing this before, too, the attention thing) do other non-superficial things to gain recognition.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - This
I think you just need to have a reason to stop flirting and craving the attention of .. men? Like some people have said, they were flirts and then found a man who made them realize that one was enough. I'm not saying that a boyfriend or relationship is going to be the answer but it sure was for me. I was a huge flirt and liked to have fun. But I've been in a relationship for 3 years and though there is the occasional flattering situation, I'm pretty content without the flirting.
I know this may SOUND extreme but truly it's worth looking into, do some poking around online for sex/love addicts. Even if you arent' going all the these men, the underlying causes are the same, and there are people in those groups that are in the same place as you.
there are ways to address the self esteem issues that lead to excessive or compulsive flirting, and thus eliminate the many problems that go with it. I understand where you are coming from, and just getting a great boyfriend probably won't be enough to halt the flirting.
I've lost friends, the respect of family members, and boyfriends because I am a flirt.
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Just stick with good friends that won't fall for you.
Do you flirt when you are drunk? I do that more. If that is the case, have friends watch you. Flirting is kind of addicting. It makes you feel good about yourself. I see myself going down a similar path as you. This is a big wake up call for me. You could try reminding yourself where flirting has got you. I think a little flirt isn't too bad, but when it comes to the point that you end up making out with some guy that your friend likes or some guy that has a girl friend, that is obviously crossing a line. I don't think you should completely avoid flirting and become stiff. But at the same time, if you find out a guy really likes you, and you don't want to commit, just be completely blunt and let him know you aren't looking for a boy friend or anything serious. And I'd probably not flirt with him as much. Maybe that is what is getting you in trouble. Not flirting so much, but the actions that you do after you flirt. I don't know because I don't know your situation. This is a vague post. I find attention to be addicting. Good luck, let me know if you find a solution. And by the way, you are beautiful.
@xsimplepleasuresx@xanga - totally well spoken, and i agree- this should help!
also, spending more time on yourself- finding a hobby (one you can do alone or with a girlfriend- not to meet guys!), using a talent, taking a class or something...whatever, but if you feel better about yourself and your uniqueness, maybe you won't need the attention so bad
At first I thought your post was harmless until I read the part about two restraining orders. You better get some help looking into why your self-esteem is so low as it appears to be preventing you from being able to discern which men are safe people and which aren't. If you don't get help, you could end up really getting hurt by the wrong guy.
I'm not sure what you mean by flirting. I kind of consider myself a flirt but I would never go beyond eye-contact, smiling type flirting. As a teen I was scared to even look boys in the eye. Now, as a young woman in her twenties, I've learned that the right look and smile can get you.....
Free soda with your meal
A drink upgrade at starbucks
Free subs at subway
Discounts on auto repairs.... etc. I love being a woman.
First of all, a whore is someone who uses sex as a commodity. Enjoying men and having great sex doesn't make you slutty. There's nothing wrong with getting to know people who interest you. You might as well have fun while you're young and beautiful, as long as you know to stay away from creeps and put your friendships first.
thank you
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i think if you're single, it's okay to flirt. but to other people, if you incessantly flirt with everyone, it comes off as slutty, even if you're not. flirting with everyone is also seen as a sign of being unattainable. that may be the reason you end up with douchebags; they think you're unattainable, so when they get you, they are very pleased with themselves, but they don't respect you. i suggest you subtly let people know that you're going to change your ways and try to start a serious relationship.
hopefully, people will begin to respect you and in guys eyes, you become attainable.
hope i helped! (: