Wednesday, 09 March 2011
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Withholding Sex If You're Mad
I don't find this to be a reasonable form of punishment. For one thing, if a guy needs to have sex, he can do it by himself in the shower, or sign up for a massage at one of those places that inspired Lifetime to make a Jennifer Love Hewitt movie.
For another, when you withhold sex, you're also punishing yourself. Sometimes the only good thing about a relationship is the sex.
When you're in a relationship sex becomes a special bond that connects you with your partner.
Since relationships aren't always wine and roses, it's not uncommon for people to withhold sex as a form of punishment during an argument, but doesn't that create a power struggle in an otherwise healthy relationship?If you really want to punish him, make him watch Charlie St. Cloud.
What do you all think? Is withholding sex as a form of punishment a do or a don't?
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- From: iwriteyouread@xanga
- Name: iwriteyouread
- About Me: my name is viviana but you can call me vivers. i was born and raised down south in houston texas. im ninteen years old. i have a boyfriend who excepts me flaws and all. if i can say so myself im quite interesting, you will never find another girl like me & thats a promise. i do have my regrets and i have made mistakes but we all live making them. -im a mess &my room usually is too; i never have it all together & i laugh at the stupidest things and i always say the wrong thingss at the wrong time i have hurt others & i cry for no reason sometimes.. i get jealous really easily but thats just me, and i like the way i am...
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Comments (64)
Well, I know when I'm angry with my boyfriend the last thing I want is to have sex with him until we talk out our problems. But thats just me....
I think it makes perfect sense. If a woman is angry and upset, why would she want to sleep with someone? Now if it's just being done out of spite, that's different.
I'd dump a bitch who'd do something like that.
I can see why some people do it. When you're angry at someone, sex would be the last thing on your mind anyway. Taunting them with it though is juvenile.
To make my stance clearer...
Obviously I'm only talking about someone doing it out of spite. People saying "well when I'm mad at my boyfriend the last thing that's on my mind is having sex with him"... It's doubtful the dude wants to have sex either in a situation like that. However, anger in a healthy relationship should wear off after a reasonably short amount of time...
It's when it's specifically some sorta ultimatum bullshit where the chick thinks she's doing it as punishment or "for their own good" or something like that. And the amount of time she withholds is an unreasonably long time period suggesting that she's being a passive-aggressive bitch about something.
Yeah... I'd dump her.
I admit, that the last thing i want is sex, if i am angry, unless provoked, then its hot. but prolonging anger and turning it into a grudge after the situation has been solved? yeah i would have to talk to them about the justification behind it (if any) and decide whether or not this person is right for me.
life is too short for grudges!
Withhold it for too long and see what happens.
when i'm mad at my boyfriend i want to f*ck him more.
I agree with what many other people are saying. If I'm angry/upset at you, I'm not going to want to sleep with you. It's much in the same when when I just don't even want to talk to a person. I'm not thinking, "Gee, I bet this will make him angry" or anything.
@SpOnTaNeOuS_sPiTbAlL@xanga - haha : )
I find it a common thing to do when a girl gets mad at her guy. If it is done out of spite, like @npr32486@xanga said, it's a different story. It would be the same as a guy saying he will take you to dinner, but then calls it off just because.
If I'm mad at him, I'm probably not in the mood to be intimate. It has nothing to do with punishment, just that I'm simply not in the mood (or anywhere even remotely close to being in the mood).
To be honest, when I'm mad I'm usually even more inclined to want sex. Fighting is awful, yes, and while it by no means is a great thing if it's happening all of the time, fighting occasionally is a sign that you still feel there is something to fight for. ... That and it's just a bit adorable to see him get worked up about something, knowing that we'll be okay later regardless.
But okay, that isn't the case for all women. Withholding it out if spite, though, is just.. fucked up. Don't.
Not wanting to have sex because you're not in the mood is logical and makes sense (for many people, being angry is a turn off). I agree that deliberately withholding it as a punishment is stupid.
On the flip side, I also don't believe in using sex/sexual favors as a reward. So just as I won't withhold sex as punishment when the guy pisses me off, I also won't be having sex/giving blowjobs just because he got me a present or because I want a present.
Simply put, I don't like the idea of using sex as a bargaining chip.
@AmorVomnia7@xanga - That's what I assumed the OP meant as well.
I think punishment in a relationship is stupid regardless of what it is. You're supposed to be adults and equals. Handle things that way.
@SpOnTaNeOuS_sPiTbAlL@xanga - lucky bastard, even when he's screwed he's screwed!
if he withholds his apology, then I'll give him the silent treatment. I won't directly say that I'm withholding sex. when I'm angry, it is usually because he crossed the line. if we're being equal, if he is an ahole to me, then I'll be one right at him. treat me badly and I'll do the same. then I dumped him. done with that. next! lol
If I'm angry, no I'm not gonna want to have sex with my bf. I probably won't even want to be in the same room as him for a while. So this seemed like a pointless blog.
Also, if sex is the ONLY good thing about a relationship, that's NOT a healthy relationship. That's basically just being f**k buddies.
If the guy is being a dick, he doesn't deserve sex. Duh.
@AmorVomnia7@xanga - I'm with you. She'd get dropped so fast, she wouldn't even have time to leave before the next one walks in.
If the only good thing about a relationship is the sex, then that means the relationship has problems.
Of course, I'm not in the mood when I'm angry, so it isn't so much about trying to punish the guy as it is about whether or not I want it.
I have never withheld sex. If it's enough to upset me to that level, my husband and I talk it out and then we're fine. I don't believe in pouting and stewing about it without trying to fix the problem. I think withholding sex is childish. If something is so wrong in your relationship that it can't be fixed with reasonable discussion, and you feel the need to "punish" your partner, then you probably shouldn't be together.
Just my opinion.
-Katie
@xsimplepleasuresx@xanga - idk what it is.. like i'm pissed and i know i shouldnt want it, but idk when he's mad its like damn! and it hits me. normally he's too mad to give it to me though. lame. he punishes me!
@npr32486@xanga - This, pretty much.
also, i swear that guy in the background looks like that main guy from Glee... Cory Moneith or something?
when i'm mad i don't have sex cuz i'm not in the mood. not really a punishment.