Monday, 07 March 2011

  • Things That You Suck At

    We all have things we're good at and we're proud to talk about them. But what about those things which we're pretty damn terrible at? I propose that we make a list of these things, embarrassing or not. Our relationships aren't perfect either, and we should always strive to better them - but it starts with bettering yourself.

    1. I suck at playing Billiards.
    Absolutely terrible. I have a better chance of hitting an anorexic, anabolic steroid taking male's atrophied nuts with the cue stick than any of the balls, striped or solid. One would think that being as terrible as I am with a stick between my fingers would prove me to be sexually incapable; it's that bad.

    2. I suck at being punctual.
    I swear, I'd be late to my own mother's funeral even with a teleportation device at my disposal. I don't know what it is about being on time, but my body tends to be allergic to it. Actually, on a more serious note, I think it's because I overestimate the amount of time I have left before going somewhere.

    3. I suck at Australian accents.
    Whenever I try to sound like an Aussie, I end up speaking like a British woman with a speech impediment. The only thing I can say decently is "Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!" and only assholes say that. If you're trying to impress women at the bar with a fake accent, make sure it isn't as horrid as mine.

    4. I suck at being respectful to police officers
    I've had my share of run-ins with the cops, none of them being serious but every encounter was insulting and demeaning. It doesn't matter how justified your actions are though when the police have a quota to fill. Nowadays, I can't help but act on immaturity and yell out "I SMELL BACON!" whenever I pass by some officers. They're not all bad, but I like having stupid fun sometimes.

    My encounters with the police have led to some hilariously shitty situations while out with girls.

    5. I suck at riding NYC taxi cabs.
    I never get motion sickness... unless I'm in an NYC taxi cab. I don't know if it's the foul smell, the reckless speed, or a combination of both. It's like they're racing against time to stop a nuclear holocaust and the sickening smell within the cab is a sign of chemical warfare.

    6. I suck at kinky sex.*
    I once killed an ex-girlfriend who asked me to choke her until she was close to passing out. I got excited and carried away; I kept going until I realized it wasn't my intense thrusting and skill that left her lifeless.

    7. I suck at using nail clippers.
    Every time I try using nail clippers, I end up cutting off too much of the nail, and creating that uncomfortable feeling of exposed skin where you have to constantly squeeze at the fingertip. You know what a better solution is? Biting your nails off right before you exit the shower. The water will always soften up your nails, and biting them off will almost always result in a perfect peel. Try it.

    Now toenails, that's a different story. I get careless with them and they eventually turn into talons. I once had an ex-girlfriend clip my toenails for me because they were latching on to her legs when in pleasure. Luckily, I've resolved this problem. I think.

    8. I suck at quickly picking out food at restaurants.
    I can't remember the last time I went to a restaurant where I didn't have to tell the waiter to bugger off at least twice before deciding on a meal. I just want everything to be perfect, and I don't want to have any regrets later on with my food choice. I have to gauge what my taste buds want at the moment, and that takes precious time and brain power.

    My date would simply have to deal with it and if it bothers her, she can order something for me instead and pay for it while she's at it.

    9. I suck at writing legibly.
    My handwriting is that of a blind, geriatric amputee. It's fucking miserable, and I blame it on my reliance of computers. I've definitely seen kindergarteners with better handwriting than mine. It's embarrassing. Just imagine how terrible my signature looks on one of those shitty electronic UPS machines that they have you sign at the door. Dear God.

    10. I suck at being emotional.
    No matter how my writing comes across, I'm beyond stoic. It's really difficult for things to phase me, and I deal with situations in a calm manner. This possibly helps out in relationships where my girlfriend is more emotional or excitable, but I can't help but feel like a robotic asshole. At least the robot part sounds cool.

    What's on your list?
    It doesn't have to be ten, but if you're a miserable failure, be sure to make it longer than a starving man's grocery list.

    *That one was a lie.

    Sincerely,
    Nunez Love Doctor

    Certified with a PhD in The Art of Sucking and Evading Possible Jail Time.

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Comments (49)

  • Hinase@xanga

    I suck at being a person, at myself, and at life as well. There's nothing really anything I do right or well. I'm just lying to myself..sometimes. 
  • ccccourage@xanga

    you made me smile, as usual...
  • DarkWaver@xanga

    1 - I suck at judging people; thinking their cool and they stab me in the back.

    2 - i suck at commitments; i say i want to do something and stick to it but damn i just do not want to

    3 - i suck at reading situations; not entirely but its there

    4 - i suck at getting my voice heard; i do not cut people off, so i never get to talk even if they ask

    5 - i suck at relationships; the fact that it is up on the list speaks for itself, women secretly hate me

    6 - i suck at teamsports; bs competition, leads to bs arrogance and blame, makes me want to murder people

    7 - i suck at math; i know the value of a dollar, thats all i need

    8 - i suck at making friends; because half the time i do not trust them Lol.

    9 - i suck at focusing; i get easily distacted and assume i am done

    10 - i suck at leniency; what can i say? when people say "i am just joking" and they do not laugh, i tend to talk it to heart

    11 - i suck at remembering; honesty, i will put something down within 10 secs and forget where it is
  • lttlegel@lovelyish

    1- I suck with directions : I don't know why, but it is so ridiculously hard for me to get around anywhere, even the simplest, closest places from where I started!

    2- I suck at math.

    3- I suck at dancing. When I see people dancing i feel like they've all had professional dance lessons or that it comes so naturally to them. People have told me that I just have to relax and move my body, which results in me looking ridiculous.

    4- I suck at traveling. I do not have my license, I do not know how to ride a bike, I'm awful with directions and I am clumsy, so even walking sometimes is a terrible option.

    5- I suck at hiding my feelings. I'm extremely honest, blunt and straightforward, which sometimes is good and sometimes isn't.


  • P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga

    I suck at playing billards, too. it is like my right arm was suddenly injected with anesthesia. it is like that dentist scene from horton hears a who and his lifeless arm that flails around without caution. then I try not to burst out laughing at myself and casually walk it off while the other person hits the ball at 60/mph I can relate to #9. I'm so used to typing on the keyboard that I forget how to write with a pen. the cable guy handed me papers to sign and I had to think for a moment on how to sign my name but I somehow managed to give my squiggly superstar signature


    I suck at whistling, not that I have any use for that skill


    I suck at not giving off this conceited vibe(ok, this is sometimes true but I prefer to seem friendly than conceited) because I'm usually a mellow person and it gives the impression that I'm standoffish and stuckup when I'm just preoccupied more with listening and observing than talking. many people think I'm shy but I'm not. when I don't talk, I'm very quiet but not necessarily shy. when I talk, I tend to talk a lot. so I'm either one extreme or the other


    I suck at rollerblading/ice skating lol I can't think of other things. maybe I am in denial about conceited because I think I'm quite awesome overall
  • UnconventionalButterfly@xanga

    1)I suck at walking and not finding something to trip over-I swear, If I was walking bear foot on a flat surface I would find something to trip over.

    2) I suck at directions- Normally, when people give you directions they generally say: Take route 84 to exit ct-42 ect ect.... Somehow my brain cannot register it. Now, If I've been around that place before and you tell me: Oh, its just past the groshery store, next to that plant place.... Well dangnabbit I will know where I'm going! (I'm in need of a GPS, badly). 

    3)

    I suck at math-

     Even at the most simple times tables, I'm going to need a calculator. 
    4)

    I suck at cleaning-

    Ok well this might be lazyness than actual suckyness...
    5)

    I suck at being social-

    Yeah, I'm that quiet/awkward person sitting in the corner. I always find something weird to say that make people look at me like i'm a dumbass. 
  • Jamesmuse@xanga

    Great post! Things that we suck at are tough to admit... but I have a few that I can think of off the top of my head.


    1. I suck at talking.

    This is relative and depends on the situation. I can talk to people I'm comfortable with just fine, but, sometimes, I don't have much of a filter when it comes to talking. Thus, sometimes, I can come across as an insane chipmunk or a walking encyclopedia. I think I'd rather write things out, stay quiet, or find a motive to talk more... effectively. It's safer that way.

    2. I suck at playing the piano.

    I play a lot of musical instruments and usually it only takes me a few months to get them down so I can play them, depending on the instrument. However, I've tried over and over for years to teach myself how to play the piano and I just can't. I can play drums but not piano - I don't get it. My fingers are against me.

    3. I suck at sleeping.

    I'm a chronic insomniac. Melatonin and sleep aids don't work for me very well. You'd have to knock me out with a hammer to get me to sleep every night.

    4. I suck at walking in flat shoes.

    This seems oxymoronic but I'm an absolute klutz in flat shoes. Put me in heels as high as the empire state building and I'll walk perfectly fine in them, yet I'll trip, fall, and skid around the ground in Uggs and ballet flats. I can walk without being a klutz in bare feet though - unfortunately, there's a "no shoes no service" policy everywhere I go.

    5. I suck at not stressing over my grades or homework.

    I worry like it's the end of the world over my GPA. I have this really insane notion that every single assignment or exam must be perfect or my GPA will suddenly drop two points and I'll be doomed to working as a clown in a really crappy circus for the rest of my life. One of my worst fears is failing a class or bombing an exam. I'm sort of neurotic in that way.

    @PseudoEuphoric@xanga - I suck at painting my nails too. :)

  • Kazydai@mancouch

    I feel like I've read this before...anyway:

    1) I suck at fighting games.

    That's all I can think of right now.
  • AsylumBlue

    @Kazydai@mancouch - I posted it on Mancouch a long time ago, but I edited it for Datingishbecause I felt like it could apply to relationships, too.
  • Kazydai@mancouch

    @AsylumBlue - Ah, that's where I saw it!! Thanks for clearing that up. 
  • haley1262@xanga

    we have #10 in common! :D
  • merquryd@xanga

    lol @ #8.  My husband sucks at ordering food, too.  I hate going through the drive thru with him because he always takes too long.  It's funny because he only ever orders things off of the value menu, and so I never understand why it takes so freakin long.
  • ScorpioInBlack@xanga

    I suck at bowling and math.  I suck at not attracting loser guys.  I suck at being social.  I suck at not procrastinating.
  • noPrinceCharming

    I suck at..

    1.math

    2.dating..I went to a party with a bunch of ppl I didn't know. The only girl that
    I got along with was there for the same guy I was & slept with him
    that night.. & the guys I get only like me because they think I'm hot but boring.. Therefore only making me useful for one thing. =(

    3.being interesting-I don't do anything because there's nothing to do in Ohio. My mom was really strict when I was growing up & never let me do anything like sports or hang out with people unless she met/talked to their parents.  I can't watch much tv due to not having cable & I don't have my license so I don't go anywhere. I wasn't allowed to go to amusement parks because she was afraid I'd fall off a ride or get kidnapped. She still yells at me if I try to walk across the street to mcdonalds for food & I'm 21...

    4.saving money-When I manage to get money, I usually end up spending most/all of it.

    5.keeping my feelings to myself

    6.making friends-I'm the awkward, quiet girl. I was outgoing for awhile, than got screwed over/stabbed in the back so many times that I just kinda gave up.

    7.video games-Ex bf's have tried to teach me how to play video games, & since I'm so awful at it, they quit trying.

    8.being social- I try to be social, than realize I don't have anything in common with anybody or they     bore me.. According to teachers in middle school it's because I'm 'gifted' & because I'm the artsy weird girl that nobody gets.. How wonderful.    Which is the reason why I'm constantly on here & 3 dating sites.

    9. Remembering stuff.. I can't remember things that people just told me. When my friends introduce me to their friends, I either have to ask what their name was 5 minutes later or just don't say anything to them.

    10. Finding a job.  Last job I had lasted a little over a week. My boss didn't like me because I wasn't fast enough after only a day of training, & I wouldn't rip customers off like he wanted me to. He'd add something else into their order that they didn't get..
      The job before that was when I was 18/19 at an assisted living center. My boss only gave me 3 hrs/wk.
  • MandyMonkii@xanga

    i do have a PhD in major-neverending-boring-ness~ x(
  • BadRomancer

    1) I suck at getting a man (Thus is why I am here XP )


    2) I suck at getting job


    3) I suck at standing up for myself
  • ask_ashleyyy@xanga

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who sucks at math! I also suck at regularly posting on my own Xanga. And Tumblr hahha
  • KickDrumHeart

    I suck at...
    1) Controlling my temper - especially in traffic
    2) Staying motivated to exercise and eat right
    3) Saying No
    4) History
    5) Deciding where to eat for dinner
    6) Hiding my feelings
    7) Not letting the outcome of a game affect my mood
    8) Being cautious in relationships - I go all in.
  • MrsJenBean@xanga

    1- I suck at swimming. I have no technique and I can't dive, but I do it anyway because, damn, what a great workout.


    2- I suck at being empathetic, when someone has caused their own problem. It's expected more often than people think.


    3- I suck at seeing fashion as anything more than silly, most of the time. This doesn't stop me from reading the blogs.


    4- I suck at decorating cakes. My degree was culinary arts, not baking and patisserie, so the cake underneath the weird clumps of frosting will taste great!


    5- I suck at extended shopping. Get in, get out, get on with it is my motto!


    OP: You might be getting carsick because you're in the back of the car- that happens to me also. Unless it really is exclusive to taxis!
  • anonymous

    this website is very good, you can go and see it




    http://www.shoes4world.com/
  • Footballblogs@xanga

    I suck at not being modest.....
  • disorderedpersonality@xanga

    Oh God, I suck at punctuality and billiards too! I also suck at packing for trips (I bring way too much), containing my road rage when other people are in my car (but at least I try!), being tactful when dealing with my family, and being tolerant of other peoples' ignorance/rudeness/stupidity. Other than that I think I manage tolerably well at most things, and if not I play it off well enough that nobody comments on it lol.
  • align___t@xanga

    i suck at.. 1) broadcasting my feelings 2) saying no/standing up for myself 3) sticking to my resolutions. 4) making peace with people who piss me off. 5) walking behind slow people, driving behind slow cars. 6) directions. 7) faces/names 8) politics/things i dont care about. 9) not getting aggressive when people suck. ( i can be really restrained with that, but ill never b fake... sooorry)  10) not handling over emotional/petty people well. and just getting sick of them.
  • smileformelove@xanga

    I love this blog topic :]

    I suck at:

    1. Expressing how I really feel.
    2. Forgiving people. I think I'm able to hold grudges until the day I die.
    3. Directions. I get lost waaay too easily. Thank GOODESS for smart phones with GPS.
    4. Math. Oh how I hate math.
    5. At love. It just wasn't meant to be.

    I could go on and on but I shall refrain.
  • VampireOfSeduction@xanga

    I suck at...
    not stressing out about things.
    all sports (unless sex can be considered a sport).
    not missing a turn when I am going somewhere new.
    keeping my emotions 'cold' when I see a baby.
    standing up for myself.
    dealing with people.
    lying. I don't think I could keep up a lie if my life depended on it.
    calculus.
    not making a face when doing shots.
    keeping my mind out of the gutter.

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  • AsylumBlue
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