Monday, 07 March 2011
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Saying Goodbye...
Recently I've found that a friend of mine has been... well, not so good of a friend. I've been confused on whether to sever ties completely or not, wondering if I should just stick it out. Like I've said in a previous post, I have tried talking to him about his actions but it was just a lost cause.
He denied ever acting like this and I stopped talking to him for a few days (just to get time away from him because he was really getting on my nerves). His definition of "listening" is letting it go in one ear and out the other. He'll listen to you talk but he won't consider your side at all. Part of me thinks that It could be due to his new-found relationship.
How is he acting differently you ask?
- Ever since he's had this new girl, he has totally stopped texting me. We used to text all the time.
- After he stopped texting, we mostly chatted over AIM. Now we barely do and when we do, he signs off right in the middle of a conversation. What really got on my nerves was when we started talking again, he said that he missed talking to me then *poof* he signed off without saying goodbye. Rude much? I think so.
The reason why I find these little things so offensive is because we used to be really close. I was the only person who would listen to him when he was depressed. He even said that I saved his life because I was there for him. To me, and I don't mean to sound cocky, this is not how you treat a friend of that stature. That is not how you treat a friend who you claim "saved your life."
To me, it sounds like he's just stopped caring about me altogether. I'm beginning to not give a shit about him at all. Yeah we had a good friendship once but now? I don't know if I want that with him acting this way anymore... I also want to make it very clear that I am not jealous of this girl, I have my own guy. I'm just worried about this friendship...
What do you guys think? Am I overreacting?
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- From: UnconventionalButterfly@xanga
- About Me: Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. — Marilyn Monroe
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Comments (28)
sounds to me like he wanted more from you and maybe this girl was either a way to try to make you jealous, or he cant be around you bc he cant deal with feelings for you and her at the same time.
@lostonlove@xanga - Agreed.
A dude saying that you "saved his life" is sort of his way of telling you that he cares deeply about you... Which includes caring about you "that way" to many guys (maybe not all; although personally I think they'd be lying if they said it didn't mean that they like the girl 'that way').
Probably best to just leave it be without a chip on your shoulder. Enjoy the time you guys had together and let him get over his feelings for you in peace.
I don't really agree that it means he had feelings for you. I think that he maybe just feels overwhelmed with the new girl and needs to focus on her. She is his priority now, so he will put her before you generally.
You could try the "I'm really angry and grrrr" method because that will stick in his mind more.
Just leave him alone. It's for the best.
If it's really important to you, you can keep trying to make it work, but there's also nothing wrong with letting someone go who's hurting you. I had to do this exact thing last night with one of my close friends because he just kept disappointing me and I don't need someone bringing me down right now.
As hard as it may be, I would just try not to let it get to you as much as it has been. He's got a new top priority in his life right now, which means that his focus has been shifted from all (or most) attention on you to all attention on her. Just let it run it's course for right now; talk to him when he talks to you, but focus on your life when he's off focusing on her.
She probably won't be around forever, but if you're really as good a friend as you say you are to him, you won't let this come between the two of you. You can let him know that it's obnoxious when he bounces on you in the middle of your conversations with little warning or that you guys barely/don't text anymore, but severing ties is a really permanent solution to a [probably] temporary problem.
He's in the puppy love-honeymoon stage; let him have his moment. He'll come back around and you'll be glad you didn't lose a friend over something as silly as a few weeks of crappy conversation.
wait a few days,and follow your heart. no one knows it better than you.
This happens when people get in relationships. I doubt his new girlfriend would like it if he was talking to you all the time. In some relationships, it's ok for each partner to have opposite-sex friends. His relationship is probably not like that. You don't have much of a choice here. You can stick it out and see if you can get to know his girlfriend, and maybe once he sees that the two of you are ok with each other, you can go back to talking to him more often; or you can not try to be friends with her and wait for their relationship to be over. You can just cut ties with him, and go on your own way; if he wants you as a friend, he will work to make that happen again.
It does happen in life though, when you have a guy friend who gets a new girl. It happened to me, and now I never talk to that guy. I tried my best to keep up the contact, but he didn't seem to care once he had his "girl talk" needs filled with his new girlfriend. I accepted it and moved on. I have other friends who care about me.
Wow, I was going to say, what a selfish, immature butthead. I knew one of those who I cared deeply for as a friend, but then he just totally blew me off. We're not friends anymore, nor do I need a friend like that. I didn't consider that your guy there might have had feelings for you. From what you mentioned, it didn't sound like it, but what do I know.
I think you are jealous. You don't have to be in a romantic relationship to be jealous. My best girlfriend had a boyfriend who worked out of town often, and was very jealous of how she only ever had time for me when he was away. Sometimes I needed "girl time" with her when he was in town. (I'm talking for months at a time, not like she saw him two days a month or anything)
Over time I just let us drift apart and put energy into relationships that had what I needed. I don't think friendships should have to be hard work. The only time I actually confront a friend and say 'hey this is OVER" is if they cross a serious line, otherwise I just let nature take it's course.
when he logs off like that without warning maybe his SO walked up and she's not real comfortable with him chatting you.
Yeah, why would you never talk to him again? And why are you so bent out of shape about? I don't mean to be rude, if it sounds like it. But are you sure you're not actually into him? Could be jealous, dude.
If he is a good friend, let him have his time with his new girl. He'll come back around eventually. Hang out with some other friends or something. It doesn't sound personal, honestly.
As far as the chatting goes: don't rely on that. I used to have awful internet connection, and when I used to be online all the time, i started getting knocked off constantly, often during mid-convo. I gave up, eventually.
idk,
Sounds like jealousy to me. A romantic partner will always be a priority over a friend.
Since you both have your partners, just let him be. Guys or girls, when they just started off dating, they want their privacy and time with their SO over friends. Just don't think much about it and spend some time with your other friends or your man. It shouldn't become a big deal and don't frustrate yourself over the matter.
@jzrocker@xanga - @KickDrumHeart - @drgnflypilot@xanga - @AnonymousBlonde@xanga - @justXforXyou_beautiful@xanga - Wow this post is months old....why would they put it on now o_O anyway... We kinda drifted apart and we don't even talk anymore. I deleted his number, ect ect...He never bothered to e-mail or get in contact...I don't need friends like that. :| Oh well.
@lostonlove@xanga - @Blind_Paraplegic@xanga - Maybe. He had wanted to date me at one time so who knows?
@ccccourage@xanga @MrsJenBean@xanga @Hermeown@xanga - - - No, I wasn't. I just don't like friends who treat me like crap. Friends should come before an SO.
@xSayakax@xanga - this post is months old. He never bothered to e-mail or get in contact when i left him alone...I don't need friends like that.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - Yeah, it's a shitty situation but it's true... you don't need people like that in your life, no one does. Hope things are working out well anyhow =)
SO's ARE a category of friend,.I think it's unwise and unhealthy to allow other friendships to atrophy and spend all time and energy on the SO relationship, but by definition the SO relationship comes first. I mean, I moved around etc to stay with my SO, but NONE of my other friends ever expected me to move to be close to them, nor did I expect that from them.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - Oh, I'm sorry. That sucks =/ Sounds like he turned out to be a shitty friend which is unfortunate when you were there for him during a really rough time.
I think he was consumed by the honeymoon phase and revolved his attention around his new gf, then it felt awkward after a few months of not talking because he doesn't know what to say or how to explain himself, thus the no contact. I've been ditched by friends and have ditched friends, so this is what I personally observed and have done. but my friends aren't that close to me, so I didn't hesitate to ditch them for my bf at the time. in your case, he was whipped for the girl and sometimes the honeymoon feelings last longer, so he might be still feeling that with her and forgot about you...or that's how I felt when it happened to me
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - If you want, you can write a follow-up and message it to me so I can add it to the post. :]
I'm looking through all the older posts that previous editors left behind and adding the ones I like, so I might end up posting things from like 15 years ago for all I know, haha.
@AsylumBlue - Nah, thats okay :) I'm glad it was posted. You've been doing a good job on these posts, I can already tell that quality of posts are better than before lol!
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I had the same thing happen to me. I still haven't figured out why it happened or if I did something. It sucks though, to lose a friend :(
Basically, he had feelings for you and those feelings still linger within him. He feels like he's cheating by talking and texting you all the time so he is probably stopping while he has his girlfriend.
The best way is to ask him, without an accusatory tone, but with a straightforward and sincere one, if he had or has feelings for you. Once you establish that, then you can bring up the rest of the issues in the relationship with a clear head.
Speaking from experience
He's probably preoccupied with this new girl in his life. That's not a bad thing. You should be happy that he's found someone to make him happy. Friends want their friends to be happy. So he's ignoring you a little... Big deal, quit whining about it. You have to realize that there are going to be some instances when he has to do so. He's putting you on the back burner to someone who he is having an intimate relationship with. This could potentially be his wife. Would you want your boyfriend to ignore you and continue spending all his time with some other girl/guy?
I have plenty of guy friends (and this applies to my female friends as well) that won't have as much free time to spend with me when they are with someone as opposed to when they were single. That's just something I've come to accept because I don't want my friend or their SO's to get this crazy idea that we are more involved than we say we are. It's also something they accept when that someone special comes into my life. My best friends will make it a point to say "hey, I'll let you get off this phone so you can go on and hang out with your boyfriend" since they realize that my boyfriend and I don't see each other very often. That's what friends do and regardless of how little or how often we hang out and talk, they're still my friends and we all know that we will be there for each other if we needed one another.