Sunday, 06 March 2011
-
It's Easier to Be "Straight" Than Bisexual
I remember when I talked to my brother about being pansexual (I say bisexual simply to be quick about it), right after sharing TMI details, he asked me if I was really interested in men. I told him not really. But the reason I am not so interested in men as much is because some men want so much to hang on to their "alpha-manhood" that some of them aren't even aware of their own sexuality.It's much easier to be straight than it is to be bisexual, because there is so much pressure and stigma, when it comes to a man liking a man... especially from the girls. But what I am more interested in is the criticism of a man.
For some men, if you even look at them wrong, they are capable of either spitting bile in your direction, beating you senseless for it, or, if they are cruel enough, use you for "personal gain." Any man who is actually gay would know that it doesn't really make them less of a man to be on that side, but it is hard for a man who's incredibly tense to prove that. Not to mention that nowadays, every black website to go to discusses men on the downlow: Predominantly black men who cheat on their wives or girlfriends with other men on the low.
I don't know whether all of this is a product of the pressures to be "the alpha-male" by both men and women, people's inability to understand the uncommon or the strange habit of using Christianity against what you do. I just know that I have no time for all of that. For this, I simply stick to being with a woman or the transgendered.
I have a test, actually. If a man gets asked if they are gay, and they quickly try to diss you or insult you just for asking, there is a possibility that they are indeed gay because the question isn't a big deal. If I was straight and someone asked me if I was gay, I'd be calm about it and say no. (I'd only be tense if it is meant to be an insult.)
Heck, I wouldn't even flinch if a gay man told me he thought I was cute. I probably would be as speechless as if a girl were hitting on me, but as long as I'm not getting my ass grabbed from EITHER gender, then I'd simply say "thank you." (Because face it, being hit on by men and women are both high compliments, no?)
Any time someone asks of my sexuality, I openly say that I am pansexual or simply bisexual. Every time. Anytime someone wants to bash me for it, I'd possibly call them out on their fear. That macho-man bullshit is the reason why I like women much more than men. I just don't have the time or the patience to try and either 1) kill the stigma or 2) drag the "gay" out of anyone.
What are your feelings on this topic?
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: mynameisblueskye@xanga
- Name: Blue Skye
- Location: Boston, Massachusetts
- About Me: What should I reveal? I'm African-American, my astro signs are Scorpio and Dragon, I'm left-handed, and pretty candid with my opinions and thoughts. I love music, fruitful conversation, and a bunch of other things. Though, if you sign on here expecting the ilk of everyone's blogs,...well, you'll be a bit disappointed. Everything I post is me going raw with my subjects. So, if you dare addme, fasten your seatbelts. It is going to be quite a ride. Anything else you want to know, talk to me on AIM or Yahoo. Take a look at my profile to find out what my AIM and Yahoo! names are. I also have a policy for adding people. I check your profile, read your blogs, and maybe look at your photos, and then add you. IF you have friends lock, please send me a profile or a sample of your blog to be added.
-
True
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 85 Views: 0 226330 Comments: 0 3254 View all posts by mynameisblueskye@xanga
Comments (35)
Oh my god that photograph is terrifying.
How about "Is easier to be yourself rather than pretend to be something you're not." Forget about the people who judge you and hate on you just because of your sexuality. I know how hard it is but life is easier when you surround yourself around people who will accept you for who you are.
haha oh dang that pic is just scary
pansexual isn't the same as bi-sexual... just saying. There are things that are similar but its not the same.
And I agree with @UnconventionalButterfly@xanga x___X;
i read this title and thought "oh shut up" and i felt the same way after i read the post. sorry to be blunt.
50 cent on serena williams' body
yeah, if the guy was very defensive, then I'd suspect the same thing...that he is likely personally insulted, so he has to act overly-macho to ward off any doubts of his sexuality but it can backfire.
a lot of gay men are so well dressed and good looking. they are the biggest teases for straight women like myself, who often check them out
then I see them with their bf
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - Haha! I totally know what you're talking about! I actually was hitting on a gay guy that I didn't know that was gay until we were sitting in the gym one day looking at all of the hotties XD After I was done pointing out which dudes I liked the guy starting pointing out what kind of guys HE liked! At first I was confused and was thinking to myself, "Wait. Don't you mean that girl over there?". But then it hit me that he was gay! I felt really stupid! >_< It wasn't until later I kinda asked him about it. He was more then happy to talk about it. So I guess it just depends on how proud/open they are about being gay/bisexual. So now we're just good friends and I never hit on him ever again haha!
omg... the pic...wide awake...i was just about to sleep.... gee thanks...
I get asked this question often, in real life. Not sure why, though. Maybe it's because I don't date as much.
I answer with either a simple no, or a wisecrack. Does the job for me.
This is pretty much why any study of gay English talks about it as a language of risk. It's heavily dependent on codeswitching and contextual meaning. All the same, exiting the norm in any sense regarding sexuality makes life harder. Certainly, there are some things that make this more severe than others - but, really, I think most men who don't believe they're fulfilling that "alpha male" mentality feel some degree of hardship or uneasiness. (The same quality of frustration goes for women not fitting into their gender stereotypes, but with obvious differences.)
While this might make sexual identity (quasi-)objectively more troublesome for LGBT (&c.) people, we're all pretty much locked into social pressures without much consolation. Find people who don't judge you, and pick your battles carefully with the rest.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - Exactly.
musing...I have a friend with a fetish, and he feels pretty isolated because of it. it's not even that unusual etc, but culture still has an amazingly narrow acceptance of 'normal' even as sex saturated as our culture seems to be.
Being gay is more obvious, and thus more risky than something that really only reveals itself in the bedroom, and because of this I would think it would be even more isolating. It makes sense that it has it''s own subculture, code etc.
Dealing with our individual sexuality is never easy even when we come close to fitting society's accepted norm, the complexity increases exponentially with every deviation from that norm. The pleasant surprise is that, in my experience, very few people don't have a little "freak" going on when it comes to sex. I mean, really, there seem to be few people that actually fit what society claims is the norm, most of us live it with a twist or two or seven.
I wonder how it was to be gay, transgendered, bi or pan sexual in other societies with different norms. Periods in ancient Greece when men/boy relationships were encouraged. What if you were a guy who found that repulsive? was that an issue?
@ccccourage@xanga - Different cultures tend to regard sexuality as a different function. We're big on romantic love these days, but the Greeks more or less used sex hand-in-hand with social and political status. That's, more or less, the reason you were allowed to have those kinds of relationships if you were an upstanding member of society. I would suspect, could you find a society with a less romantic concept of sex or even a concept that wasn't family-obsessed like most of East Asia, you might not see scorn or hate towards otherwise unusual relationships.
Fact: Datingish's unforgivably horrible taste in photographs is usually what keeps me from reading many of their posts.
@tavatava@xanga - Give me suggestions on better photographs to use so I can keep you as a valued reader.
Otherwise, you'll have to force yourself to read the post in order to understand why a picture was chosen. In this case, 50 Cent's recent rant about destroying a gay wedding along with his "macho" look humorously crossed with a female body to poke fun at his mentality. Can you guess what this post is about?
Okay, I read only the title, and my response is, of course, because you only have to deal with one sex! Now to read the actual post...
...Okay, read it. My feelings on this subject are primarily of weariness. Why are straight men labeled as unsure of their sexuality if they vehemently deny being gay? Sure, SOMETIMES it's a case of protesting too much. Not often. Most straight men have an unpleasant visceral response to the thought of engaging in homosexual activities. I do if I imagine myself in a lesbian encounter. I don't find vaginas disgusting, and I'm not homophobic, it's a sexual experience that I don't want- much like anal sex, the thought of which nauseates me.
I wish that it was socially acceptable to be straight and unwilling to experiment. Straight people aren't all just sexually repressing themselves.
After all this, I am aware of the whole down-low thing in black culture. No comment on that, because I don't really understand the social dynamics, not being black.
I disagree with your test. Asking someone if they're gay is normally used as an insult so most guys would be offended and would want to offend back. It's a bad test and honestly, you can't really tell if someone is homosexual or not, you just have to take their word for it, until you see or they tell you other wise.
I would think you, falling in the homosexual catagory, would have known that better than someone who is heterosexual.
@MrsJenBean@xanga - What I am trying to say is that nowadays, a guy like me finds it easy to be very paranoid about men and the existence of homsoexuality.
@theflowerstem@xanga - It is normally used as an insult, hmm? That's quite the tricky part, especially if the term "gay'', often called "batty boy", suggests that anyone gay is more of a girly man than expected. IT's tricky.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - Agreed.
I will honestly say I don't know how it feels to be a bi sexual male but I'm a gay women, and I tried panning between men and women and it was difficult, my male partners where scared, and my female partners always tried being that lipstick lez, when sometimes I needed a protector in my life
my point is it doesn't matter what sex you date
there's going to be bumps and upsets
even if you are completely straight,
you find gay women, or women who date you because of colour, or size, or other personal things.
same goes for women looking for a good man
You just need to find that certain someone, and weither that's a man, or a woman, or both if they allow you, then so be it. You just need to smooth out the bumps in the road, and keep moving forward
I wish you the best of luck.
@MyFaire@xanga - "I say bisexual simply to be quick about it"
most people don't know what pansexual is. i'm pretty sure he knows the true definition of his sexuality, but it's too much of a hassle to explain it every time.
@cheesecakeloverk@xanga - That's true. x___X; I didn't until I looked it up. I thought it was people that just had a thing for pans...
Hm that's true. :(
@MyFaire@xanga - Yes, but many people have no clue what Pansexual is. I do the same depending on my mood. If I don't feel like explaining...I say I'm Bisexual. Its hard enough not being straight or gay... but its even harder when people don't even understand what your sexuality is.
@RainDropPixie@xanga - I do the same thing.
its def different to be pansexual and bisexual, dating all genders vs. dating two genders