Saturday, 05 March 2011
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Online Dating Nightmare!
So my friend (we'll call her Becca) recently had the kind of experience that horror stories and bad rom-coms are made of. She had just started seeing this guy (Matt) she met on Match, and he seemed nice - not her ideal type physically, but they had a lot in common.Like many people do, they talked for a while (about a week) before meeting in person, and when they did he seemed nice enough. He was very candid about his serious clinical depression, which concerned her, but all in all she liked him.
Then Matt started getting kind of clingy. After that ONE coffee date, he started calling her 2+ times a day. He wanted to see her again, but she was really busy and had a weird feeling about him. She wondered if she was really ready for a relationship.After about a week and a half of constant phone calls, she made plans to see him for lunch one day, and he was going to call her with details. He never did call, and she was miffed. Later that afternoon, when she was out, she saw him calling and let it go to voice mail. A few minutes later, she listened to the voice mail and was astounded to discover that...IT WAS HIS GIRLFRIEND leaving her a message!
This girl said that she had been seeing Matt for about a year and a half; that he "Doesn't have a girlfriend anymore" so Becca could see him if she wanted. Furthermore, the girlfriend wanted to warn Becca about his unfaithfulness and that he is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder! (For those of you unfamiliar with BPD, people who suffer from it tend to have short, intense and conflicted relationships.) The girlfriend also told Becca that when she met Matt a year and a half ago, HE HAD BEEN MARRIED.Well, Becca was floored. Immediately, she thought it was funny (she has a sense of humor like that), and was relieved that her "spidey senses" hadn't let her astray - something felt off about this guy because something WAS off. She called me immediately to tell me about it, and the next day I listened to the voice mail. It was horrifying.When she went to report him to Match though, she wasn't sure what to say. He had misrepresented himself, but it was all hearsay. Perhaps he'll get away with it and lead more girls on.So, has this ever happened to you, Datingish readers? Ever had an online date that went horribly wrong? Maybe someone 20 years older than their picture, or secretly married?
I want to hear some stories!
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About the Author
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- From: JennyGee@xanga
- About Me: I like trees and horses and butterflies! And theatre, and music, and psychology, and spanish...you name it. Only not French :-P
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Comments (64)
lol woah
omg what an intense story! i actually really enjoy online dating sites(i ain't paying a dime for one them though okcupid ftw) have talked to a creep that keep on pressing to go "dimsum" w/ me. blocked him, aimed me through another sn, blocked him again,... all the people ive met so far have been delightful though.
"...They talked for a while (about a week)..." - This isn't awhile. A week doesn't do anything. Give it a month or two, talk, establish a common ground, and then meet safely. Talking a week and then meeting could be dangerous and more horrible than "Becca's" situation.
I'd never use dating sites. Waste of time.
I met my boyfriend online through a friend who had moved away. He was one of her new friends that she met. So I met him sporadically one day while her messenger was open on her computer and he started talking to me. After that day, we talked for months, were well met up and everything, got together, and lived happily ever after. The end. :)
no horror stories here. Although my boyfriend and I met initially online almost three years ago, we didn't keep things from each other. We're still together now and regularly make trips to spend time together. It's tough, but it works for us.
LOL I have one....I was talking to this guy over cam and we did talk for a few months. He actually cool/funny ect ect so i decided to just incite him over to hang. (He was the nerdy type). I had menchind before that I don't really like being touchy with somebody that im not dating and he said it was cool, that he respected that ect ect... Well, needless to say he kept trying to get close, he tried playing with my hair... never talked to him after that lmao I was so happy when he left XD
I never had a bad experience like that, but I just HAVE to say that the post's picture choice is hilarious.
and this is why i'd never do online dating. ever.
heh... I was depressed and needed something new in my life so two years ago this April I went on Match.com and started looking around. Everything seemed legit so I signed up for it and immediately started IMing and emailing a bunch of good-looking guys. One of the guys who seemed at the bottom of the pack as far as compatibility with me (though a lot of his responses "matched") called me several times and about a week later I went out on a date with him. The next day I went out on a date with another one of the guys.
Two years later Im living with the first date, and we have plans to get married within the next year. It seemed impossible that I really snagged my prince charming that fast... he's everything I ever wanted: handsome, funny, serious when needs to be, great with kids, responsible, a hard worker, smart, and the list goes on.
As for the dating aspect, unless you put yourself out there you wont get what you want out a relationship. You have to date the field of people out there for a potential "perfect" person. I just got lucky that it only took me two serial dates to figure out my own special someone.
I was victim of a fat angle profile picture. I could tell the woman was overweight from what I could see, but its amazing just how far a person can balloon out from the waist down. Thankfully she saw my profile where I stated I wasn't interested in obese women, and she told me the truth before we ever went out. False advertisement, I swear, should be illegal on all occasions.
OkCupid is a decent dating site. You don't have to pay a dime to utilize the most basic functions of the site. I would say the worst dating site I've been to is singlesnet.
@Jamesmuse@xanga - I met someone after a day, and we hit it off great. Why waste all that time sending messages when you could actually do stuff and see how you two click?
@npr32486@xanga - Because I don't think it's a waste of time. Sending messages/IM-ing/whatever-your-method can sometimes allow you to open up on a deeper level than speaking face to face. It establishes a good background. "Clicking" can happen in many different ways ways.
I was just talking about this with my boyfriends sister. Sometimes oops happen like me being 10 weeks pregnant and we've only been in a serious relationship for 7 months dating for 10. But we met through a mutual friend and we couldn't be happier. Honestly we still have TONS to learn about each other but we're so far so good =]
The conversation though was about how shocking it is that SO many people are meeting through these dating sites! Its nutty!
this is why i don't do online dating
@Jamesmuse@xanga - I agree that a week generally isn't long enough to talk to someone and get to know them. I don't agree that dating sites are a waste of time. I met my husband on Match, and my brother met his fiancee there, as well. If you're careful and can take the time to wade through the psychos, online dating can be a great thing.
I met my fiance on Okcupid.com. We spoke for about a month and then got together to meet up and hang out and we have been together ever since. We couldnt be happier =)
I met a guy online (who luckily lived only a couple hours away so we got to see each other once or twice a month) and was in a relationship with him for almost a year.. before I found out he has schizophrenia. Since I didn't see him often, I didn't see that side of him. And he got scary near the end. But, my foster parents met on lavalife and have been together for six years now and are so in love it's almost creepy. Depends on who you meet.
good thing she never fell in love with him, that kinda new would be a heartbreaker
Haha I like okcupid, it provides good entertainment and some decent people.
I have my share of interesting stories. One guy I met and went on a few dates with, never panned out but then a year later I saw him on the news getting arrested for armed robberies lol!Most of the dates I went on were either just okay (and never heard back from them) or they were too weird and I stopped talking to them. This one guy keeps texting me good morning for a week, and its not like he tries to make conversation or plans he just keeps texting me lol. A lot of guys get creepy, like start talking too sexual too fast or get sort of clingy. Or they try to meet me too fast, which makes me wary. Then there are the guys who keep on IMing or messaging even if I ignore them or tell them I'm not interested.One guy on a meeting kept giving me crazy eyes...very creepy.I haven't had anything extremely crazy happen though, which I'm very grateful for. I think it's because I am still pretty wary with who I'll meet. It makes me uncomfortable when guys are like "let's meet up, have dinner" like after one message and if I tell them I prefer chatting for a while they get all impatient and think I'm being a prude for not meeting up, like trying to intimidate me into meeting them.I actually used hot or not.com back in the day just for the heck of it. Guess who was the hot and who was the not?
There was this one guy who lived like 5 minutes from me working/and staying on the same campus where I work and so I figure why not meet up? We also talked for about a week too before we met.
Thank God it wasn't as bad as your friend's Internet story...but after a monthish of officially seeing him, he told me he loved me I told him yeah right. Then he convinced me he loved me so I said it back and then a few days later he broke up with me.
Typical middle school high school relationship. I was thinking how I'm too old for this. I'm never meeting people from online ever again. This guy I am hanging out with now I met him in person and have been hanging out with him for over a year. Meeting people in person is so much better, especially when they can't lie at least what they look like.
@Spectrophile@xanga - Been there done that. Freakishly small head syndrome... God that was a conversation I didn't need at 15 :P
I met my husband on Xanga.
OMFG! what a POS
Creepy. But I had a great experience, met my
boyfriend of a year through eharmony....there are ways of doing it
safely. That said, like everywhere else the creepers exist!
i met a boy on facebook, and we talked for a few weeks and i started to like him. everything like about him seemed real, and we texted and talked on the phone, [ he had a high voice, but it was deep enough to be thought of as a teenage boy's voice] and then things started to get more serious and we started going out.. well five months later i found out he was a girll hahahahah... we broke up after that. definitely never doing online dating again, haha.