Thursday, 03 March 2011
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Should I Say "I Love You" After 3 Months?
There comes a time, in almost every relationship, where the couple begins to feel as though they more than like each other. Love! Oh, love. Relationships and their silly little love.It has come to be that time in my relationship. I've known my SO for three years and we've been dating three months now. At times, I catch myself wanting to say "I love you."
But of course, I don't. I catch myself and scold myself for even thinking such a thing. How can you love someone after three months? Is it possible? Maybe, but I believe I'm the type of person who loves fairly easily -- although I've never had sex and I'm coming up on my 21st birthday.
The biggest reason I don't want to say the "L" word is because on Facebook almost every day, the younger kids from my high school are tossing it around like they're playing hot potato, and inevitably they seem to all break up.
When is it too soon for the "L" word? Obviously, it depends on the couple and how long they've known each other before dating, but maybe not even that.
I keep coming back to that old Charlie Brown quote, "I think I'm afraid of being happy because whenever I get too happy something bad always happens."
Is it crazy for me to want to use the "L" word so soon? Is it really all that soon since I've known my SO for three years?
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Comments (119)
say it when you feel like it. Who cares if everyone else who whispers it has a failing relationship?
First you have to wonder what kind of "Love" it is...are you IN love, or is it just a caring love being pushed by seeing your peers saying it all the time?
If you really do feel it, then you should say it! If hes not ready to say it, then he'll tell you so. Never be afraid to talk about your feelings with your SO :] Good luck
Don't worry about the younger ones, they aren't a legitimate source to gauge how you feel towards your SO anyway. And you shouldn't be worrying about anyone else anyway. Is 3 months too early? Not at all. I knew my gf for a year but we just started dating. We were at our 3month mark when she hesitantly told me she loved me. She wasn't sure if she should, she was scared that I'd run away.
But that actually put so many questions I had at ease. So no, I don't think 3months is too early. I don't think there is a "too early", it would be silly if so. "Yep it's been 6months, now we're in the clear to start loving each other".
It's not that soon if you've known each other for three years.
I've known my boyfriend for eleven years, but we didn't know each other extremely well, we were friends-of-friends in high school.
We reconnected after high school and he flew to visit me after we'd only gone out to dinner once and I didn't even realize it was a "date." We hadn't even kissed when he flew to visit me.
We said we love each other two months into dating and THEN we decided we were "official" at the same time / same conversation that we said we love each other.
Now we're talking marriage and I'm moving from Missouri to Virginia to go live with him since he's in the Navy and stationed there til 2014.
So yeah. Say it whenever it's right.
you should say you love someone when you actually truly know that you do. there is no certain amount of time it takes to fall in love
@Lordv16@xanga - Lol, very true. Thanks for the response :)
@marine_g1rlfriend@xanga - agreed
OP:
Say it when you feel that it is right.
@xDaintyFeetx@xanga - :)
You say it when you feel it, and comfortable with it. I think that's probably what it should be. If you know you love him, you love him. But you don't' feel comfortable yet using that word with him. Then don't.
>.>;
ant I wouldn't say its too soon. You guys have known one another.
3 months is enough actually. 6 months you say "I do". You either like someone or you don't, that shouldn't be too hard to justify. You will know. If there is doubt, chances are, you don't.
I think it's ridiculous to stay in a relationship for a million years. You might as well be married! Especially if you are doing what marriage couples do. You might as well do it right, in my opinion.
I don't believe in "Say it when you are ready either" because when if you are never ready? When if you don't feel like it at all? If you don't, break it off now and don't waste someone else's time. That is selfish. I would break it off very quickly if a man doesn't commit. It waste your time, especially if he is not the one anyways.
if that's how you really feel, then just say it. you only really should when you're ready and if you really mean it, and it sounds like you do. it shouldn't matter what others think. similar to the definition of love, everyone has their say on what the term means to them, and for some, it may come earlier, while for others, a tad bit later, or maybe never will.
My boyfriend and I said it after knowing each other for only a few months, we hadn't even started dating at that point. We did start dating a few days later, broke up a few months later, and got back together a few months after that. Now it's been a little over 2 years and I still feel the same way I did when we first said it and I know he does, too. I don't think time has anything to do with it. When it's right, then it's right. I wasn't scared of saying it too soon to him because I could just tell that he felt the same way.
It's only too soon if you don't actually feel it yet. Otherwise it's okay to say it when you feel it (which it sounds like you do).
In my two most serious relationships, one of the guys said it to me after one month (we stayed together for two years and I still love him to this day); and the guy I'm with now said it after a few weeks, maybe it was even sooner, I can't remember, but it was really fast-- and yes, we are still together after four years.
wait, you're 21 and still in high school?
After around six to seven months of dating, my boyfriend and I started tossing around "I love you" in a playful way. (For example, there was one time we were talking and his phone died. When he called back, I said, "Your phone doesn't love me!", and he replied, "I do." Around that same time, there was a day when he wanted me to watch The Simpsons, a show I can't stand, and I said to him, "But don't you love me!?", and he replied, "Of course I do. But I still want to watch it.") It wasn't until after nine-and-a-half months when we actually formally said "I love you" to each other.
I'm perfectly okay with the fact that it took that long. I didn't want to rush into saying it, and I didn't want to be the first to tell him that I loved him because I didn't want him to say it just because I was. I wanted him to say it because he meant it. So, moral of the story: There's no time limit. Every relationship is different and people fall in love at different rates. It could take a few weeks or a few months, but if you're really in love with each other, those words won't go unsaid.
Say it when you can meant it. Mean it when you say it.
The fact that you're asking should be red flag not to. If you question whether or not you love someone you don't.
And I think I'm having trouble with saying the L-word with someone I've been hanging out with unofficially for a little over a year now, you've been exclusive for a while and you've known that person personally for a few years. It's safe to say you can say it. This is your relationship, not those little kiddies saying ily every second of the day relationships, lol.
maybe you could try the other L-word - "Like" - first. step by step, perhaps? good luck!
My boyfriend and I have only
known each other since September and we've been dating for about a month
and a half... and we've used "love" already -- as of last night,
actually. I know many people think that we may be moving fast, but it's
one of those "when you know, you know" kind of situations. We were both
afraid of the others reaction, but I've never been happier. But like @b3108@xanga said, we did start with saying "I like you" regularly. I caught myself (and he did, too) several times wanting to say love... so if you feel comfortable with it, try it out.
it's not about how long it's been. drives me insane when people use specific timed measurements as rules for when to do things in a relationship like it's a fact with solid scientific and mathematical research behind it. it's so much nicer when you just let it flow with how you feel.
can you really put a time limit on when to say love?
just say it when you feel it.
say it when you know it's real, no matter how "early" or "late" it might seem. who said there were rules to this thing?
My boyfriend and I have known each other since grade 8 and started dating in the beginning of the last year of high school. He said it right when I agreed. I didn't know whether I should say it or not so I just told him I liked him too.. since it seems that he does have the tendency to burst it out when he gets a girlfriend.
All my serious relationships I ended up saying "I love you" about 3 months into it. And if I remember correctly, I'd known the person for at least a year pior to dating them. So no, I don't think it's too soon. Now I will say that because I'm not very good at outwardly expressing my emotions (or rather, saying them out loud), I was very nervous and had a hard time saying it, but that didn't change the fact that I did Love them.
And especially with my more recent Ex, I really scared to say it for same reasons as you. I didn't want it to seem like I was rushing. But I couldn't help how I felt. I truly, genuinely loved her, and couldn't stop thinking about it. I think I officially told her in a text lol. And she said she felt the same way, which was like a major relief on my part. I probably only said it out loud maybe 3 or 4 times, due to my bashfulness, but I did mean it.
So go ahead. Tell that boy you love him!