Thursday, 03 March 2011
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When an Ex Comes Back Into Your Life
All of a sudden, I received a chat from an ex. Now this ex, I haven't talked to for over a year, and the last time we talked I cursed him out for being a shady, disappointing asshole. To say the least, we had a really messy break-up. At that point, I was done with him. I didn't think we'd talk again, nor did I want to.But when I received the chat, I stared puzzlingly at it. I was on webcam with my current boyfriend when I got it, and he asked me what was with the face. I told him that my ex just hit me up.
I'm sure my boyfriend was/is bothered by it (even though he said he wasn't), but I assured him nothing was to come of this. My ex and I had a casual conversation. He completely disregarded our past and at the same time subtly showed fond feelings for me.
I did, however, make it very clear I had a boyfriend and that I was very happy with him. When I had to go, he asked me to talk to him again. I responded with a maybe.
This situation is a delicate one for me. Firstly, I'm a person of appearances. I have a huge pride, and I hate to show any compromising feelings. I didn't want to seem bitter (and for that fact, I am not bitter) so I continued conversation with him.
Since then, he has tried to talk to me twice, and I've responded but had to go quickly. The thing is, he's very manipulative. When we were talking, before we dated, we had this on and off relationship, meaning at random times he'd disappear from my life completely, then pop up again via chat.
He's always had this way of getting me to miss him, and he does it all purposefully. He's also pretty selfish. So when he said he missed me, he had to talk to me without any regard to my life and what was going on.
I'm happy as I am right now. I love my boyfriend, he loves me, and my life has only gotten better since my ex left. I don't want to get caught up with his mind games anymore, but at the same time, I don't want it to seem that I still have unrequited feelings for him or that I'm bitter.
As it stands now, I'll probably tell him exactly how I feel, that I only talk to him because I'm friendly, but he really isn't someone I want in my life.
Have you had similar situations with an ex in the past?
What would be the best way to handle it?
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- From: eatdrinkandbemaryy@xanga
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Comments (46)
I think that if he has such a negative impact on you and your life, id say "Sorry, I forgive you but us being friends is not going to workout." Or something along those lines. I have a feeling that if you let him back into your life its just going to cause problems.
Similar situation. She tried to get back into my life and I politely declined her invitations for outings/conversation. I may come off as bitter but ya know, I'm happier without her. I'll occasionally get a text from her or a message on facebook and I'll respond, but I don't give them too much thought. I'll stay friendly, but I'm not letting her back into my life, nor do I want my current gf feeling like she is. I can brush off her conversations with her exs, but I can't say I like it, so I don't want to put her in that position.
I'm currently on friendly terms with my current ex...as well but that is merely all. I rarely talk to him, so it's never a real problem anyhow. I don't want my ex back into my life entirely because I don't want to be caught up in the problems we had. I'm happy with my new life, and my new relationship but nothing ever comes out of talking to my ex.
When it's over. It's over. That is a much better way for both of you to proceed with your life. If you have to see him daily (at work, or school) it becomes tricky, but in that case, professionalism, not emotions or even extra-friendliness is the way to go.
I know that I'm easy to forgive others that have hurt me, and in this case, it would be my ex. After our break-up, we didn't communicate at all. He would occasionally send me texts or Facebook messages saying that he misses his "dearest friend" and "couldn't stand" being without me as a part of his life. Though I do feel terrible for denying these attempts of rekindling our platonic relationship, I know it's for the better. I'm happier without him in my life and so is my current SO. I can tell he's learned from letting me go and the things that he's done wrong and that's wonderful, but I'm happier without him.
Yep, an ex started practically stalking me a few months ago (even though i also have a boyfriend now that i'm happy with, which i made clear to him). it started with adding me on facebook, then progressed to constant phone calls and texts (that i stopped responding to, and yet they kept coming daily!) he also sent me e-mails and ims. it was so frustrating. he kept asking me to hang out and i kept declining, but he wouldn't just take a hint and go away.
so i was forced to take the bitchy route and delete/block him from facebook and tell him to leave me alone. he sent me an emo email, but that was it. he finally got the message for the most part. i still receive a text like once a month, but that's it.
you both need to move on. just be honest and tell him you have no intention of dating him again and that you need to stop talking for now since he obviously still has feelings for you. it's not fun to be the bad guy but it's sometimes necessary.
Ive only had the one, and I stay away from him. I cant be friends with someone I was that emotionally connected to, and laughed at my tears to my face. If it was a clean break then maybe. I tend to take emotional connections to heart though and once I feel humiliated I cut it off completely.
I've had this happen more times than I care to count. Really if you are already sensing he's trying to manipulate his way back in, and he is hinting at feelings, the only clean-break is to do exactly that, make a clean break. Don't chat, even as friends, don't pay attention to him no matter what he tries to say to you. It usually only causes problems in the new relationship and can drudge up some hard-to-understand feelings towards the ex that are just a pain to work through and rationalize sometimes.
I've had an ex that's tried to claw his way back into my life.. I tried being friends with him at first, but he was just too manipulative. He tried to intentionally hurt me and finally I was just like, eff this, and cut off all communication. It was better that way.
Stop talking to him.
I had an ex who kept coming back into my life, even though I was in two separate relationships after he and I broke up. Now I'm on the third relationship since he and I broke up, and I want to marry this guy.
My ex called me the other day, even though I've blocked him on the internet, told him not to contact me ever again, etc.
I called my phone company and had my phone number changed. Problem solved.
My exes always seem to pop back up. And it's basically always bad news.
If you don't feel comfortable talking to him then you should just let him know. There's no reason to compromise how you feel to make him feel better. Ex's, for the most part, seem to be people that shouldn't be included in anyone's life once they become an ex.
I dealt with this pretty easily. My first ex from 2 years ago was a total douchebag and tried making his way back into my life a few months ago He tried to tell me what to do by bashing on how I dress, how I talk and my views on relationships. Total psycho. Deleted and didn't give a damn after 'cause I got over him ages ago:)
Meh, I talk to my last ex sometimes. We email mostly, because he's in the navy and is deployed right now. He calls me occasionally. I mean, it's alright for the most part. We were together 2 years and he was pretty much my best friend, although I found out he had 2 other girlfriends. Talking to him about all that has made me come as close as I can to forgiving him, actually.
He has pretty much stopped all attempts at being "friendly," because I'll bitch at him, and I already constantly remind him of my boyfriend. So yeah, I mean, it IS possible to be friends, even after they stomped on your heard and shattered it before.If you don't want to talk to him, it doesn't necessarily mean you a bitter person. I'm friends with all my exes, but we had more or less mutual, drama-free breakups and gave each other time to move on emotionally. It doesn't sound like you'd benefit at all from having him in your life, so why bother? You don't owe him anything.
ignore him, change all contact info and chat sn and basically erase him from your life. if that's too harsh, then talk to him once in a long while but when you talk, keep mentioning how head over heels you are with your current bf and then say that you can't talk too long because you have a wonderful date with your bf. he'll eventually get sick of hearing about your bf and hopefully get a clue.
i would have tell him directly that i am very happy with my life and i do not wish to talk to him ever again.
If he's such a jerk then I guess it doesn't matter, but if it were me and my ex said "maybe" to talking to me again and really didn't want me in her life at all I'd be upset. It would just be a crappy feeling that the only reason she converses with me is because she's being friendly and not because of any real feeling that she wants to. Same would go to any friend really.
Last conversation I had with my ex was a little over 2 years ago I think, and ended with her cussing me out saying how horrible of a person I was and all this other crap. I still haven't talked to her since, but she keeps popping up in my life and it's driving me nuts heh. But I'm still staying away from her and keeping myself away from any situations where we'd get stuck seeing each other/talking or anything like that, don't need the stress.
the only thing you can do is just tell him exactly where you're at. next time he talks to you, have the talk to avoid confusion.
block him. easy. but if you start to miss him, you got a problem there.
He has some nerve.... He just stops talking to you and then disappears? What, are you suppose to wait for him when he decided to speak to you again? Disrespectful. Cut him off. You're already taken.
I told my ex straight up I didn't want to be friends with him.
That I had no interest because he didn't treat me well,
and even if he changed, I'd still dislike him.
Be careful. Your ex is probably wanting attention.
Just tell him you have no interest in being friends with him
but for him to have a good life and never contact to you again.
then say thank you.
...seriously.
Also, my ex would email me a couple of times but I never responded.
He stopped, never heard from him since, and I liked it.
Girl, he just wants to see if he "still has it", to make you miss him, etc. Don't even show for a SECOND that he crosses your mind. Don't give him the time of day. He's trying to wrap you around his finger, but who cares about him? You have a new man that loves you and doesn't give you BS! So I say forget the fool. Your ex is probably jealous that he can't get you back.
My ex stalked me and showed up while I was walking to work....conveniently at the Starbuck's on my route. He then chased me down the block and acted nonchalantly like he just happened to be in the area. "Hey, do you work around here now?" Duh, you sent me a letter at work...
I just stared at him through my big dark sunglasses. Without a word, I turned around and walked away. Maybe I came off as being bitter, but at least it got him out of my life permanently.