Tuesday, 01 March 2011
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Keep Holding On? I'd Rather You Not
I would just like to point out that (maybe unlike most people) when I say I'm done, it kinda means I'm done. When I get to that point, I've already reached my limit with said person. Also, it doesn't mean that I want you to chase after me.My life is NOT a fairy tale and I will not pretend that it is. I don't want people to keep trying to change my mind once it's made up. Seriously.
It took a lot more than me just saying that I was done for you to stop. I said that you didn't have to leave me alone hoping for a friendship, not a changed mind. It was made up then, and it remains the same now. I. AM. DONE. Through. Moving on.
You say you're "Not holding on anymore, fuck this." Well, I'm sorry, I never told you to hold on. Not my fault that you can't understand. I don't like when guys chase after me when I tell them not to.
Do you feel similarly?
Are you open to giving second chances, or are you simply done no matter what a guy says or does?
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- From: MissAdriennnne@xanga
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Comments (17)
Depends on how it ended. I tried giving one of my ex's a second chance and we both tried to be friends afterwards, but had to call it quits on that because we both went from being able to be civil together to straight out hating each other. Once I've decided to cut someone out of my life, they tend to stay gone regardless of what they do later, but I don't make those sorts of cuts often or easily.
It depends but usually no.
If it ended, it ended for a reason and no second chances usually can be given.
It depends on why it ended, you know? But its usually when I say "I'm done", im done.
Hm, sometimes I say I'm done, but I know deep down that I hope he'll chase after me. On the other hand, a large part of me does want to be done when I say it. So it just kind of depends.
@shinoseishi@xanga - Yeah I don't recommend giving the typical guy the friend option. There are few and far between those who are truly okay with being friends post-break up.
@Sand_notes@xanga - Ehhh. Yeah that's confusing. I'd prefer if ladies just make it clear and straight to the point. That would just confuse things. At least meet halfway.
As a guy I will say this. Personally for me I'm not friends with any of my exes and I'll leave it at that good or bad terms it ended for a reason, whether that reason was because she broke up with me or because I broke up with her. Either:
A) I don't want to be friends because you were a [gold digger, bitch, cheater, drama queen, etc]
-or-
B) As fucking cheesy as the line is, "I want it all or nothing at all". So no all due respect I'm not going to be friends with you, though there may be exceptions but I don't see it happening.
Ladies I don't know if this is the case with some of your experiences, but as for mine that's what it is.
"when I say I'm done, it kinda means I'm done. " - if you say that to someone, they'll think you want them to chase you. You need to be honest. Guys are simple creatures - just be straight. Don't be cryptic. Just tell them straight out how you feel.
It depends on the guy.
The guy sounds insecure and needy. I suggest he reads Double Your Dating by David DeAngelo.
Once I'm done I'm done. I've never dated a guy twice.
I've also never had to beat a guy off with a stick except for one of my ex boyfriends.
I actually blocked him on everything and then finally resorted to changing my phone number.
Worth it.
This post is vague. I've heard these words before, my recent ex said it to me, but he was the one who wronged me and cheated on me. He said "I'm done, I'm really done with this. Please don't bother chasing me back. I just want to move on, I don't want to work on things anymore. I've really made up my mind, nothing you say or do will change my mind, I can't go on." These words are really hurtful in this scenario.. however, if it was me who gave up on him and said these words to him, I think it's different. I wasn't strong enough to do that at the time. Some people hold onto dead relationships hoping for the chance to rescue them and some people can move on the very next day. Not everyone works one way, it's understandable that the person who got dumped dwells for a while and takes more time to get over it.
Isn't it flattering though to have a guy chase after you, trying to win you back?
When I'm done, I'm done. I lay it all out and if they continue to chase me then I begin to really feel hatred towards them. I don't mind the chase if I'm just not that into them and they have a crush or whatever, but if we were together and they hurt me to the point that "I'm done" then it is a serious issue. :(
I'm the same way. Once I make up my mind it's over, you're not getting another chance, period. Move on and leave me be. :P I've had a few guys just refuse to understand this concept, though; it's really frustrating.
I agree - when I repeatedly turn someone down, its not "romantic" if they're persistent, its obnoxious.
@jzrocker@xanga - It depends on the relationship, and how it ended. When I was chased, it sucked. It works on desperate housewives (Susan and Mike, yay!), but sometimes it just exudes desperation and lack of a sense of reality.
yeah, depends. my first boyfriend i dated twice, and probably would have dated again if circumstances had been right (they never were). he was solid gold, but i wasn't ready to settle down so early, and he needed some time to ripen (he was kinda immature). too bad.
otherwise, yes. my last ex said to me, "I wish you wouldn't cut me out of you life...." and we were in an activity together, so i said, "I know I have to see you once a week, but believe me, if i could totally cut you out i would!!!" haha
It depends. Pretty much all of my ex's are friends with me. I think that in certian cases, it is better to end a relationship before it is to late to keep at least a friendship. And I know the quote 'Two past lovers cannot be friends; for they never really loved, or are still in love with the other', but lets talk about maturity here... if you were 'grown up' enough to date him, you should be 'grown up' enough to see his face walking down the street, no matter how bad he hurt you. I have dated a girl, then we broke up, then dated 4- 5 more times. Sometimes the timing is just off and you need those extra chances, because we are now engaged, and living together. It isn't about immediatly falling in love, it's about finding somebody and building love with them. But if you don't give that second chance (of course, excluding certian things, like; verbally or physically being beat... stuff like that in a 'break up' situation), how do you know if he wasn't really the one? But what @raspberryjade@xanga said, is true as well. Which is why it all depends.