Thursday, 17 February 2011
I've been thinking a lot in the past few months about whether or not it's possible for a relationship to last forever.
People change. So even if partners choose to be faithful and maintain the relationship, is there really any way to stay in love forever? I have found that my relationships fall apart when I start putting qualifications on them, like "this is the man that I want to marry." With that title comes so many new qualifications. I suddenly have to start considering whether or not he'd be a good father, whether this man will be able to support a family on his (our) salary (salaries). The little things that he does like clicking his nails is no longer a simple annoyance, but rather, I have to ask myself "could I stand that for the rest of my life?" And more often than not, these sort of questions ruin my partner for me. All that I see are a lifetime's worth of bad things piled up in front of me, and who could accept that?
So, I've started to develop some hypotheses, beginning with the most important which is no timeline. My partner will no longer be someone who I project out into my future. We are together now, and we will develop over time as time sees fit to develop us. Thus, my worries would be useless and simply unfounded. When we stop working, we'll break up, but right now, we're working and that's that. My second thought is that commitments are unnecessary. This doesn't imply that being faithful and monogamous is unnecessary, just that forcing your relationship into a box with titles is unhealthy. Why must this man be my boyfriend instead of just the person who I love right now? Why is that so scary? And, in five years, why does he have to be my husband instead of just the person who I have loved for five years and continue to love every single day? I'm not bashing marriage by any means, but when your partner stops being the one whom you love and instead becomes only your husband or wife, I feel that the relationship is lost. My third idea is that we need to stop being so afraid of ending relationships. If it isn't working, then it isn't working. Maybe you'll find yourself back together in six months or a year or ten years, but you shouldn't waste your now in an unhappy relationship. We are afraid of change, but that also means that we are afraid of growth. If you're living without love, then it's time to move on and open yourself up to new possibilities.
If you allow yourself to live in the moment, reject unhappy relationships, and rejoice in loving relationships, you'll never stop falling in love.