Wednesday, 16 February 2011
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I Have to Kiss Another Guy for Work, and I Don't Want to Cheat on My BF
Ok, I know I'm in a weird situation here, but could really use some feedback.
I'm an actress, and I recently got an awesome part in a show. I am super excited, but my boyfriend tried out and didn't make it, so that's sad. He's been a little emo about it...but that's another story.Anyway, another guy I know was cast in the show, and we have to kiss.
This would ordinarily be no big deal, but he REALLY reminds me of the guy who broke my heart in college. He's cute in a dorky way, and seems sweet and funny, though I don't know him well. We're working on a project together right now, too, and I've begun developing a crush on him. I love my boyfriend and would never cheat on him, but I want to stop crushing on this guy so things don't get weird or awkward while we're working together.
So, here's the question: since I can't avoid this guy, what should I do? I could ignore the sneaky feelings completely; I could try to get to know him better; I could let him know that he reminds me of my ex, to warn him about weird stuff that might come up. I definitely want to find out if he has a girlfriend, because I think he does (and that will help). Any suggestions? If you were in my position, what would you do?
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About the Author
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- From: JennyGee@xanga
- About Me: I like trees and horses and butterflies! And theatre, and music, and psychology, and spanish...you name it. Only not French :-P
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Comments (103)
Your poor boyfriend...
If I were in your position, I'd suck it up, kiss him for the show, and move on with life. I wouldn't spend extra time with this other guy, nor would I talk to him on the phone outside of the show, etc. I would take it inward and turn it into business. I am also an actress after all.
Regardless of how this guy reminds you of your ex in college, if you really love your bf you won't go through with your feelings. If you truly love and care for him.and if you don't, you'll cheat. Just saying.
And since you are an actress, I'd leave it be and do your job and get on with yourself. Because it may seem awesome now, but it won't be when you don't have anyone. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
Seeing as this post has nothing to do with your boyfriend being jealous, and all about your crush on this guy, then I think he definitely has a reason to be. Do it, then move onn.
Definitely don't tell him about the feelings. Believe me, that will only make it worse.
Keep it professional. Show up, do your scenes & leave. Be polite for sure but if you maintain professionalism from the start, the guy wont expect/do more & your crush can go away. It's natural & normal to see other people while in a relationship but it's a choice to act on it.
You're poor boyfriend :( I feels o bad for him. I don't really wanna tell you what I would do but.... if I was really in love with my boyfriend i'd drop out of the play all together. Kissing another guy would feel too awkward for me.
don't drop out of the show. explain to your boyfriend that it's your work. and that's all that it is. just work. now, if you actually do have feelings for this other kid, then just break it off with your boyfriend.
your boyfriend should be able to understand that it's fake. it seems as though you're out of college. i think you two are old enough to handle something like this.
You have to consider your bf's feelings. If you love you bf, you should drop the project. What if the shoe was on the other foot?
dont drop the show. its obviously your dream to be an actress and your guy needs to understand that. having said that, you have to keep any personal feelings about other actors out of it. trust me, it will be very bad for your relationship
Dont drop out and put other people through useless drama of finding a replacement for you just because your boyfriend has a jealousy issue. Be an actress, do the job, and go home. If you want your boyfriend and respect him, it will never go any further than that. If he makes a huge deal out of it, he has issues that he needs to work on. I mean, its just a damn kiss scene, not porn. Just be upfront and honest.
Leave it all on the stage.
Tell your boyfriend that it's a job.. and then treat it as if it is a job. Be professional about it. Avoid any extra time with this new guy at all. Your guy is insecure and you need to show him that he can trust you.
Or, if you are having second thoughts about your current boyfriend..break up with him and move on with your life.
Life sometimes sucks
Must admit I don't envy either of you. My blog post today is about how important your last ever, first kiss is yet you have to kiss people all the time in your work.
I'd do nothing if I were you. Just pretend you aren't interested in this colleague. You are an actress so surely you can act like you aren't anyway?!
Rapunzel
www.talesfromthetower.co.uk
i would just remain calm first of all. chit chat with that guy and find out if he has a girl friend by talking about your boyfriend. talk about good things between you and your bf not bad stuff. take teh kiss in the play with a grain of salty...it is a show. you can move on afterwards and this guy will hardly be in your life. do not tell the guy anything too personal or about your ex. just play it cool and it will all blow over eventually.
Whaaa? Why would you tell him that he reminds you of your ex? It's like you're foreshadowing that you plan on acting on your crush. Also, don't look into whether or not he has a girlfriend because it shouldn't matter either way. Ask yourself why it matters if he's like your college ex, and why you would be feeling urges to cheat anyway.
@srsly__x@xanga - Agreed. It seems like it's more than just the kiss she's worried about.
Regardless of whether you have a crush on this guy or not, you have to kiss him - if you honestly intend on being an actress, things like this are going to happen. You definitely shouldn't tell him, and frankly I don't think you should have a relationship beyond the show. A crush is innocent enough, as long as you don't act on it.
Besides, having feelings for him, however small, can only amp up the performance, right? Just use it for the part, then move on.
@WhenHateIsTheOnlyOption@xanga - But if she wants to be an actress..a lot of this stuff has to be done and the other half has to be understanding and mature. Not to mention, trust his gf. If this is her dream..then I think her bf will be fine. But I believe she should talk to him anyhow and go from there. Though if she's set in this play, it might be too late to drop out. Now, she might have to consider the feelings of everyone else, just not her bf. So it's a sticky dilemma anyhow.
you're in the wrong business if you can't handle kissing someone else one time for YOUR JOB.
if it's an amazing part and good for your future, don't just drop it, but definitely don't make this other guy think there could be something there if you love your boyfriend and don't want to leave him. and be honest with your boyfriend.
"Leave it all on stage."
I worry more about the precedent here... you've gotta get your head wrapped around this NOW, because if you continue in this profession, this won't be an isolated incident. Can you promise yourself, and your boyfriend, that the next time, and the next time, and the next time you are acting with a cute guy, that you can leave it on stage?
definately do not tell the guy, i know theatre and like the others say 'leave it all on the stage'-- others dont have to know what happens behind the scenes.
also- its not 'poor boyfriend' its congratulations girlfriend! you just got the part, good for you. i feel no pity for him since its your job to be professional, and i trust you'll know enough to do that.
and he knows you're an actress you're in theatre- obviously you will be doing your job. you'd expect the same from him
I always wondered how the actors/actresses took their SOs getting it on with other people on public TV.
Use those feelings. You have to realize that nothing could ever happen anyway because you have a professional obligation to one another. Then use the sexual tension to put on a hell of a performance. But really, do you have no self control? Because last time i checked, not cheating wasn't that difficult..