Tuesday, 15 February 2011
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Stop Whining Because You're Single!
I know so many women who whine because they don't have a boyfriend. One of their statuses on Facebook went as such: "It's just a Hallmark-created holiday, right? So why the hell do I feel like crying...." I almost said, "....like I've told everyone else who's blubbering about being single: BOYFRIENDS ARE NOT EVERYTHING!" I can not only say this because I have the high self-esteem it takes to deal with being single until the right guy comes along; I can say this because I've had the experience of being with the wrong man.
At the tender age of 22, on a cold winter day, I moved in with my now-ex-fiance to escape the tension at home which had been building since my dad died that past August. That half-a-year was probably the worst time of my life. We barely had enough money to make ends meet; I remember so many nights where we had frozen pizza for dinner, or cold sandwiches, or something from a fast food restaurant. He worked, and I did, too, but it still wasn't enough for us to not constantly be worried about money. He was an alcoholic, and I had undiagnosed depression/ADD. You can imagine how he dealt with my moods: he would talk to me, but if I didn't cheer up and change into the person he wanted me to be, he drank. I finally got fed up that June, and I moved out and started going to therapy in a vain attempt to save our relationship rather than MYSELF entirely. By August, though I thought I was strong enough to resist him, my ex had convinced me that he'd changed, and I dumped a great guy to be with him again. In the 3 weeks we lived together again, my ex got high about 3 times behind my back. The straw which broke the camel's back was the night he came home from a friend's house and told me he could be the father of her baby.
I finally woke the fuck up: Therapy WAS for me. This guy was NOT for me. In order to save myself, and find the right man, I had to cut him loose and stop looking for someone to mold me into another person.
I'm not saying that every man will do this to you or that you'll go through what I went through. What I'm saying is that you should have a high sense of self (not conceited!), stick to your morals, and remember that you are fine as is before you go wanting a relationship. If you feel a need to change something or feel "incomplete" somehow, try developing a new talent or hobby before you go seeking the comfort of a guy. Defining yourself by a relationship or trying to be someone you're not in a relationship is a waste of time and a terrible mistake, so why not relish being alone?
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- From: reloadthemetal@xanga
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Comments (98)
Yeah, girls are way too hung up on the idea of being with someone. Single, don't give a shit.
love this <333333
Agreed. Love it! Even when I was single, I never understood the whole "I NEED a man" thing. Like, seriously? You have NOTHING else to do with your life?
Me and my friends joke about being bitter and lonely because we're single. Really though, that's all it is... a joke! I can't be dealing with people who literally can't live without a boyfriend/girlfriend, it makes me really angry!
What's more, I was upset on valentine's day because I was ill so had to miss a fundraiser, and got inundated with emails like "it's okay, you'll find that one special person soon I'm sure!" -.-I think it's just unhappy people using the holiday as an outlet for some of their feelings.
Whining is the most unattractive thing you can do, especially if you want to attract a a partner. They're always the ones who refuse to try dating someone outside of their comfort zone or someone from an online dating site as well. It's like, if you're that desperate, you might as well TRY. You never know. Not that you need a relationship, but it's tiring to see/hear them complaining 24/7.
It's true, though, that you might as well relish being single while you are single. Take the opportunity to pick up a new hobby or skill, find a new interest, read a book you've been meaning to get around to, get involved in something bigger than yourself, or just work on yourself (physically, emotionally, mentally). Sometimes it's easier to accomplish things when you don't have to worry about anything other than yourself and it'll make you a that much better person when someone worthy of you comes into your life.
Good post. I agree.
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - That's the perfect way to word it all.
Hey, we agree on something! lol I actually really enjoyed this post.
Good post. I feel like a lot of girls that are all "Omg valentines day is so dumb and I hate it and its awful" are really just bitching because they're single. Guys aren't that great! And you'd still have something to complain about if you DID have one anyway!
Right. If you can't be happy without a man, you're sure as hell not going to be happy with one. You might think you are for a few months or even years, but once the honey moon phase is over, you'll be right back where you started.
lol I agree. I would never post something about needing a guy or someone on my facebook. SCREW that! I'm either talking to someone or I'm not. No big deal. I'm only 19... and not loving someone isn't the end of the world.
When I was younger I used to day dream about saving the world...dreaming about having a boyfriend just seemed so boring in comparison.
Oh, I long for those days again...
@lonelystrangergirl@xanga - You'd think that excessice whining about being single on Facebook would just turn off any guy who is potentially interested as well...
Glad you made this post, I've never had a boyfriend so I wouldn't be able to relate to those sad women, but at the same time, I don't put my selfworth into boys.
I think this was such a great post. Every girl, I think, deep down believe what you believe: that being single < relationship, but a bad relationship < single. :]
I don't think people should whine about anything, but in terms of whining about being single, or being upset about it, I think there are reasons for it besides "needing" a man. If being married is a huge life goal-- for some women it is their only life goal-- then by all means they have a right to be upset if they are single and find little hope in their future romantic relationship prospects. Not necessarily in terms of Valentine's Day, but in general. It's like being upset over not having a job if one aspires to become a working woman. Unfortunately women have less control than we'd like to think over relationships. Even if a woman is the type to take initiative, she may still be rejected and many good men may not even want a woman who takes initiative. So a lot of "whining" may be the result of frustration and watching years pass without finding anyone. It's easy to lose hope.
"Defining yourself by a relationship or trying to be someone you're not
in a relationship is a waste of time and a terrible mistake, so why not
relish being alone?" - can't agree more with this
If needing a relationship to define themselves was the reason for them whining, then yeah, it's a problem. Some people just like to be in a relationship more than others, and perhaps when they're not, they're lonely?
(This is from the viewpoint of someone who has spent the majority of her life single.) I think it's more of a not-feeling-liked type of thing rather than whining about not having a serious relationship. In my experience, if I've been single but someone (really anyone) has shown interest recently, then I'm fine. But if, like now, it's been a year since anyone has shown any interest at all, I start to wonder, "Okay. What's wrong with me. Is it my personality? Is there something wrong with my face? Am I too skinny? Should I go to the gym?" And holidays like V-Day can compound these thoughts, especially when you go on Facebook to see a bunch of happy little statuses and pictures of gifts that they were given. But as for people who whine 24-7 about not being tied down? Well, yeah, that is ridiculous. I usually love being single, but at certain times of the year or in some social engagements, I just feel lonely-- that's all.
Good for you for recognizing it
I absolutely love being single!!!!
Having a boyfriend won't make your life any better, it won't solve your self-esteem issues. If you can't enjoy your own company, what the HELL makes you think somebody else will?
Happily single by the way.
thumbs up!