Friday, 11 February 2011
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Obsession vs. Love
The sound of his voice always makes my heart melt.
But I always seem to wonder "When do I get enough of it?" "Is it love or is it obsession?"
I have been infatuated with this guy for nearly five months now, and we recently started having conversations with one another.
Sometimes I can't help it but think he feels the same way about me. It's the way he talks to me. The way he looks at me when he thinks I'm not looking back, and it's the way approaches me...Sort of hesitant, but he always works up the nerve to start a conversation with me.
Way before we started talking, and way before I started crushing on him I would always find him staring at me from the other side of the classroom. He would always sit near me and hum beautiful songs. I noticed him, but I never cared enough to pay attention. Now I like him.
I always seem to find myself thinking about him more often. I always find myself wanting to be near him just so that way we can talk. And I always find myself trying to get his attention. Not desperately but more persuasively...If that makes sense.
But I seem to find myself becoming more obsessed with him. It seems like he noticed my undying love for him just a few days ago and is trying to avoid me. We would usually run into each other in the computer lab at our college, and because I knew he was up there often I would make my way up there. I had reasons for being up there other than wanting to be around him. But I guess he got the real picture anyway.
I found myself talking to myself in sort of an obnoxious way. I kept on repeating "He knows. I bet you he knows. His friends are probably telling him things about me." Now doesn't that sound crazy? I was never like this before. Since when did I ever get this obsessed with a guy who wouldn't give a two shits about me?
When I thought about it, I had to laugh it off. I couldn't believe I was becoming this way...especially about damn a guy.
I guess it's because I'm lonely. I haven't had a relationship since I was 17, and I'm almost 21 now. I always thought by the time I turned 21 I would be in love with someone. But what can I say? Maybe I'm the problem. Maybe it's the way I look. Maybe I'm too picky. Maybe I DO become too obsessed.
I realized I had to back off. I guess I was crushing too hard. His friends notice...so I'm assuming. And I guess he notices now. My loss. My fault.
Question: Have you ever been obsessed with someone? Has someone ever been obsessed with you? What is the difference between Obsession and Love?
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About the Author
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- From: NeoSoul20@xanga
- Name: NeoSoul20
- Location: New York City, New York, United States
- About Me: I live in nyc. I love to blog. And I am currently enrolling in college.
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Comments (53)
Ooohh yeah, i've been obsessed before (i don't call it love because it wasn't mutual). Unfortunately he took advantage of it (not liking me back but being friends with benefits). I couldn't see past this obsession until I got totally burned by him. Lesson learned.
JUST TELL HIM
He is either gonna say he doesnt feel the same way and you can move on or you can start dating!
Yep. Still kinda am. Luckily for me, I got out of it before it completely ruined my life. My grades were so bad last year my gpa went from a 2.6 to a 2.2 in a year, I gave up caring about anyone and anything but him, and let him treat me like I was dispensable. No more obsession for me ever again.
story of my life lmao
I've gotten burned too and I learned this lesson: be reserved with everyone. kind if approached but reserved.
@JulesCaesar@xanga - My gpa dropped to a 1.83 the semester my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me. Sucks when someone has that kind of hold on your emotions =/.
My first boyfriend and I had an unhealthy obsessive, abusive relationship. It took close to 4 years to break out of the cycle. I guess, to me, obsession is when a thought or idea is persistently forcing its way into your life, taking over your waking and/or sleeping thoughts, whether or not you want it to. To contrast that with my definition of love, which is more of a free-flowing sort of thing that doesn't have to do with forced compulsions, well, it's easy to see the difference.
lol yeah i have learned the signs when they arent interested back; unlike a commenter above, i'd say not to say anything, realize its not meant to be, and continue to be friends and crush from a distance if you like, but no more. if he's actively avoiding you right now, that is a clear sign that if you say anything, you will really just humiliate yourself; i'm being harsh but trying to save you here. you'll probably meet someone else in the meantime who does return the affection.
i used to have sort of a crush on one of my now close friends. i think i freaked him out too at first, because after i let it go and we just became casual friends, he told me he thought i was creepy at first!! haha, so if they don't return it, you'll know, they don't. and let it go. or you'll become a REAL creep.
another anecdote - i really didn't mean to comment this long - but yeah - a guy i at first became friends with, i got weird vibes like he might be into us, but he seemed ok to talk to, just awkward - but then it became way too clear that he was interested in more than friends (with either me OR my roommate ... desperate much?) and no matter what signals we put out there, he continued to be a creep for the next 3 years of school.
It's a fine line. I'd say if it affects your life in a negative way its obsession. If it affects it in a positive way it's love? heh. I think I've been obsessed before, hard to tell the difference when you're in the middle of it. Definitely have had obsessed fans though...they're annoying haha.
I'm a clinger on! When I like someone, I cling to them and I'm all over them (not in that sense lol) , maybe obsessive. But when you have still to find someone special, you can't help it. Glad you backed off. Guys like the chase, give them a good run!
in my opion...
obsession i would say is someone that is clingy, and feels needy, feels incomplete without the other, stalkerish...
love is... hard to define becasue there's so many definitions for it. every person interprets love different ways, physical, gifts, time,
no no no. you're wrong. half the time when you think a guy knows you like him, you're wrong. and in this case, even if he does, he's just shy. don't talk yourself down so much. you might need to nudge him in the right direction.
i think it's obsession when you barely know a person and you create this idea of them in your head - which may not even be true - and you begin to have feelings for that person based on either the small interactions you have with them, or the way you imagine things are or could be with them. it's obsession because it's not based on reality.
it's love when you get to know a person over time, getting to know everything about them, and they about you. you slowly become more comfortable with each other and can trust each other, and you like them for everything they are (and, hopefully, vice versa). love is not doing everything you can to hold on to someone, but being willing to sacrifice for their happiness.
I believe that the line between love and obsession can be very very thin, and sometimes dangerous to cross. But I am still optimistic that sometimes the "obsession" is really just a die-hard urge to make them want more, the way you do. Not desperation, but... like you said, more persuasive, rather than passive. There may still be hope in your case! Just let him have his time away, who knows what could have pushed him - it might have nothing to do with you. Maybe he has past relationship issues, or fears. But keep in touch if possible and remain friends, see what happens. If you feel that strongly about him after a short period of time, there has to be something there, right?
oooo I'm guilty of having done this too. Maybe he has someone? and that's why he doesn't want to take it to another level.. and started backing off suddenly?
Quite honestly, if a guy is really into you things that seems obsessive (aside from those that are downright creepy) won't seem obsessive to him, only exciting because he feels just as good about you. So...it's possible that he doesn't feel the same way.
I used to have a huge crush on my coworker. I worked with him once a week. I even created Xanga, just to post blogs on how much I loved (am obsessed over) him. I finally asked him a through e-mail with a simple "do you love me?" He answered that he was surpised by my question, and that no, he didn't feel the same way. But you know, he knew I loved him, I gave him a lot of hint during the last 6 months before I confronted him. He fed my hope, he accepted my gifts, offer to drive me home after work, cared about my studies and personal life etc.. But sometimes he's very cold. He's indecisive, and he just wants to see at what point I can bend down for him. It just sucked, because he was toying me. He knew it, and continued to feed my hope instead of making it stop between us clearly. Yeah, but it's better that I know the answer right now, than being "toyed" as f*cked all over before realizing that he doesn't love me. Anyways.
I really don't know the difference... When I like someone, I think I obsessed with them. Not to the point where I stalk him! If I see him, I see him; if I don't, I don't. Hey at least you know this guy. The guy I like doesn't exactly personally know me. We just know that we go to the same school, but never had any classes with him
@jamoncita@xanga - Now that is the right way to define obsession and love.
Never had it.
obsession and love to me are two of the same things in a weird way.
when you love someone, you constantly want them around. Same as being obsessed. i just dont know if you want to use that term. lol
sounds a little crazy;but you cant help that you like him. its completely understadable. And to be fair, you did say that he would try to make conversation with you and was always looking at you from across the room.
its normal, dont beat yourself up over it. If he trys to ignore you now, then whatever, hes gonna miss out on a great girl im sure :)
soo my opinion would be to just let him be and find a guy thats not afraid of you liking them!
@Hinase@xanga - woohoo! thanks :) i've been contemplating life and love quite a bit lately, and i think i've pretty much got it down.. for now.. haha...
I've been obsessed with this guy that used to beat me up. I once thought that I loved him. I am unsure now. Part of me wants to be with him, while the other says no. I don't even know if I could be with him to begin with. I remember being so addicted to his presence in my life. I wanted him and didn't care about much anything else when we were teens. I don't want him filling up my mind again.
@jamoncita@xanga - That's good! At least this kind of advice comes in handy and makes your life easier. That's what we all need. Something easy like that. Life is all too complicated nowadays. Lol
obsession disrupts, love nurtures.
@jamoncita@xanga - this couldn't be more well put.
well damn! for a second there i thought you were describing my life. was 'obsessed' (to use your terminology) with this crazy amazing attractive perpetually perfect guy i met in western civ 2.
obsession is what both of us did.....txting to say the most unimportant things, spending 3 hours eating 3 breadsticks, walking each other to the other side of campus just so we could have more time together. wasn't necessarily a negative obsessiveness though.
now we've kinda settled in to a friendship (shaky, but still....). what we have now is love. :) uncomplicated and without expectation.
i don't think i answered your question, but ah well.