Wednesday, 02 February 2011
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Meet the Parents
Beginning a new relationship is exciting; there's so much to look forward to, like finally celebrating Valentine's Day [without hitting a giant heart-shaped piñata]. However, there are a few things that are not the most exciting, but are in fact, scary.
Meeting the parents. I actually love meeting new boyfriends' parents. Guy's parents are usually very easy going when it comes to their son's new girl. I mean, their son found someone who likes him; it's a miracle! Seriously though, I have found it's a lot easier on a girl meeting parents for the first time, than it is for her guy.
My new boyfriend (dating 2 months, official for 3 days) is meeting my parents tomorrow night. We are going to a college basketball game, so there's not much time to talk beforehand. I'm always so nervous when I bring a guy over to my parents' house, mostly because my dad's personality is a little threatening and my mom is a little too picky (does he go to church/did he get a degree/what is his job-type stuff). I love my parents, and they are always respectful to someone new, but I feel like it takes them some time to get used to a new guy. I also feel like they compare every guy I date to the last one. I'm going to date anyone I want, obviously, but my parents' opinions do somewhat matter, and I want them to see for themselves why I think my new boyfriend is so great.
How does your family/parents treat your SO? How did the first meeting go? Any advice on how to make everyone a little more comfortable with the situation?
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About the Author
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- From: KickDrumHeart
- About Me: I'm 23. I watch football and wedding shows. I drink beer and shop way too much. I am stubborn, caring, and realistic.
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Comments (44)
I'm assuming you're high school/starting college age and are living at home still.. and when I was that age I never brought a guy home believe it or not. I was never too open with my family about what went on outside of the house, and always knew I wouldn't bring one home unless it was very serious. I never got into too many serious relationships though so maybe that explains it, I wanted to wait for a 'good' one that I would be proud to bring home to mom! I mainly didn't want her to get the wrong idea if I brought home whoever I was hanging out with at the time, because obviously.. those can add up and god forbid she would assume we were having sex or were going to, it's a little difficult to explain to mom that you're not together, just hanging out to see where things go. I kinda wanted to avoid the "oh what happened with you and ___, you never bring him around anymore!" so I left the gushing about a new guy to my friends. But needless to say it happened, I brought home the man I'm still with and have been with for roughly 2 years, and also live with. I think she was proud of me for snagging a good one and she loves him, lol.
i've only met 2 sets of parents. the first set was someone i knew already so it was fine. our parents were friends to begin with. the 2nd set, his parents were nice but different from what i was used to. my mom was fine meeting him also. my mom thought he was a good person and she liked him too but i don't really know what his parents thought of me until after we broke up. they kept wondering why i was dating their son when i could have done so much better.
@memphisten@xanga - I'm 23 and been living on my own for 5 years actually. If my parents didn't have an extra ticket to the game, I might not have him meet them so soon, haha.
Honestly, my parent meeting skills are rusty. It's been almost 6 years since I've had to meet anyone's parents; none of my relationships in the past 4 years have been serious enough to warrant a meeting of the parents. I'm kind of hoping that my current relationship does take that turn eventually, especially if he plans to visit my hometown with me over the summer to experience the ocean for the first time ever. I think I'm actually much more worried about eventually meeting his parents and family than he is about meeting mine.
My parents are terrible at communicating with him. It's a matter of circumstances- they have a bunch of teen kids in their homes- and one of them happens to be in a relationship with a 26 year old man. So they're having trouble treating him any different from me- They can't take his presence seriously either, because he's just another "phase" I'm going through, apparently . . . My parents have a hard time thinking my boyfriend's serious about me- so they haven't treated him like family just yet- although if spoken to, they'll be quite friendly.
If we ever have dinner again, perhaps I'll seat ourselves next to my parents so a conversation might spark.
His father is similar to my parents, but his mother is this generous, kind, welcoming woman. It's so hard not to think my parents are unwelcoming; that I can understand. :(
My boyfriend is adopted, so I have to meet 2 sets of parents--- :-o
I've never brought a guy home to meet the parents. I hang out with my bf's mom all the time- supposedly I'm the first gf he had that she likes. We've been dating about eight months now and still very happy, and he still hasn't met my father. He's met my mom in passing so I guess that doesn't really count. I can tell he is kind of irritated that he hasn't met my parents yet because things are pretty serious between us and he wants to at least know who they are. But my parents are.... odd... and I have yet to find an occasion where it would be appropriate to bring him for the first time, and they are really weird about having people who aren't family in our house. I don't know why that is. Like I said, they are kind of odd about particular things. =/
@BlehhItsTu@xanga - I think in the back of mind, that's what I feel; that my parents think this is "just another guy". I have had 2 long-term relationships in the past 4 years, so I'm a little paranoid that my parents think this is just another guy that I will date for a year and then break up with.
The past two weren't the right guys for me, but they were great guys that I was proud to introduce to my parents. I would never bring home a guy that I wasn't excited to show off (even if it's scary).
@lonelystrangergirl@xanga - Wow! Better chance of one of them liking you, I guess!
@KickDrumHeart - haha I can only hope. SOMEONE's got to like me, right?
Remember, it's what you think of your bf and how you feel above him, that is above your parents' opinions.
My bf's parents minus the dad treats my bf like shit. Though besides his dad, everyone hates me. My family loves my bf on the other hand. Odd, huh?
I've never had problems with bringing a boy home. The first guy I brought home, they were nice with, even though they didn't like him. The second (and last) guy I brought home they were very nice with and they love him. They're very supportive and they will voice their opinions. And I will listen to their opinions (which is one of the reasons I'm not with my first boyfriend anymore. That lasted a year and 5 days). It wasn't that hard to bring the second guy home since he actually met them before we actually started dating. He asked them if we could date before we went on our first date. So he definitely started out on the right foot. We've been dating for almost 2 years (in 11 days) and we've been official for 1 year 6 months and 15 days.
My boyfriends parents were the same way when they met me. They couldn't believe he found someone to put up with him
the only girl my parents will ever meet is the one i decide to marry.
My boyfriend met me... my mom and my extended fam all at the same time. Long story short we met online (woo~ okcupid, hahaha) and without thinking invited him to a fam party. They all loved him to death... and we became official a month later. Anyway... my parents are the only strict ones out of my extended fam. They're neutral with him... they don't love him or hate him. He's just "another boyfriend" to them until he proves he's worthy... which all boils down to being financially stable :|. Asian parents, what do you expect. Whenever my bf comes to visit my dad just avoids him and goes to his room =(. My mom asks him questions on how he's doing with his current job and if he'll be pursuing law school in the future :|. Sigh.
My boyfriend's parents are divorced so I had to meet two sets of parents. His dad and stepmom are cool... sarcastic/dry humor which I like. I was kinda scared meeting his dad knowing that he hasn't liked any of the girls that the bf has brought home... but I guess I'm the exception. Score. His mom and stepdad are a lot of fun. His mom's sweet, stepdad's a little quiet but still cool. All in all, boyfriend's fam and extended fam love me to death.
my mom was pretty much in love with my first boyfriend, and my current boyfriend (who i will probably marry) reminds her of her abusive ex-husband O_o he's not controlling or anything like that, but they're both computer programmers and epic nerds, so i think it triggers some really bad memories for her. it's been rough.
on the other hand, i didn't get along with my first boyfriend's parents well, and i LOVE my current boyfriend's parents, so i guess it all evens out in the end, haha
I have been dating my current boyfriend for 4 months & have been official for just a little over a month. My boyfriend met my parents pretty early into dating, I think it had only been about a month. My parents actually invited him over to my place lol The first meeting went really well, my parents are really down to earth and easy to get along with, so I wasn't to worried, but my boyfriend is a little shy. My boyfriend even met my grandma on boxing day, he came over for dinner, it went great also. My boyfriend and my parents are pretty much best friends now, weird, I know, but I love it. When he comes over, we play video games with my parents and him and my dad will play poker sometimes.
I haven't met his mom yet (his dad passed away 2 years ago) but i am hoping in the next week or so I will. I am not to worried though, because he has told her a lot about me and he said he approves of me from what she has heard.
@onceuponatime0717@xanga - don't you feel weird about that? sometimes i can tell my bf's parents are rolling their eyes at him, and it makes me feel embarrassed for him...and myself, i guess....
his parents didn't even want to meet me, I think I know why ... he says its because the mom is jealous but that's just plain stupid... anyway
@JennyGee@xanga - They're mostly joking about it. But sometimes they're serious, and yeah, it feels really weird.
My grandpa is going to give my current boyfriend "the talk". So I prewarned him! lol. The rest of my family is pretty cool. My grandpa is the interragtor and will set up a guy.
Example:Gramp: So do you like to hunt?Guy: *easily tricked* Yeah, I love hunting!
Gramp: I don't. I hate the thought of killing animals.
Guy: Oh...
In my last relationship, meeting each other's parents went great on both sides. It went well because we each knew our parents would be rational about it and loved us. I met her parents after 1 month and she met mine after 3 (mine were a 5-hour drive away, hers were local). I always figure that you don't marry the girl, you marry her family. So I want to meet her parents and know whether or not we'll click. They're my best indicators of the person she'll become as she gets older.
My boyfriend meeting my parents went awful and they really don't like him. They really had no initial reason to dislike him. They're reasoning was that he had gone through too much for it to be true. We broke up for a little while and then we started dating again and now it's been two consecutive years and my parents still don't like him even though now he's going to school and has a job which were two things he didn't have before and some of the reasons they didn't like him. My parents pick at reasons to dislike guys. I just met his parents for the first time two weeks ago and I think they liked me, but I'm not really sure. They thought I was shy, but that's all I know and that's only because his mom said so in front of me. Those were the first parents I've met since I was 14 so I was really nervous haha especially since I'm probably going to always be with my boyfriend. I'm really close to my parents and it hurts my feelings that they can't get to know him and at least see why I like him. I just have to remind myself that he's really the best thing that's ever happened to me and it's not my parents life, it's mine and I'm not going to let them control it. Of course I respect their decision, but I don't agree with it.
My parents actually really like my SO because for once I made the choice of NOT choosing the "bad boy" as a boyfriend. So I am thankful for that. Both first meetings were awkward for me, just because they are my parents and I don't want them to say anything weird or rude ya know? But my boyfriend was comfortable and said they are both really cool.
Tips for making it less awkward? Just don't worry about what is said. Easier said than done, I know, but you can always make excuses for the parents later, LOL. "Oh she always does that stuff" etc. Also stay happy and light and hopefully your good mood will project on the whole group, that's what I try to do, too. And bring up topics you want them to talk about, like how proud you are of your SO's job, or a cool place you guys went together, anything that will inspire a positive conversation that isn't too heavy or awkward for you.
@nillaYUM@xanga - OkCupid here too! And no, my parents do NOT know
@eatingabook - Thanks for the tips! This was posted a day after I blogged it, so he met them last night! I was more worried about what my boyfriend was going to say actually, haha. He and my dad did start talking about WWI planes though, so I'm glad they found that in common. Other than that, it was a little awkward, but I know it will take a few meetings to get that awkwardness to go away.