Monday, 31 January 2011
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"Sorry, I'm Busy"
We've all heard that excuse before. You want to talk on the phone, they're busy. You want to hang out, they're busy. It seems as though any time you want to any sort of quality time with them, they don't have time for it.
Admittedly, sometimes people are busy, and there's no denying that. They may have to deal with school, family issues, or something that truly does hinder their ability to talk to you on the phone or to spend time with you.
But at what point can you deem it as just an excuse? What I've noticed about people is that though they seem to have a never-ending onslaught of things to do when it comes to you, somehow they have time to do everything else. I have to admit that I myself have lied to people about being busy when they asked me to hang out, just because I don't really want to spend time with them.
When it comes to a relationship, how much of 'I'm busy' is okay? I've realized that when people really, truly care about something, whether it be a hobby, a pet or a person, they always make time for it. They'll work their schedule around it so that at a certain time, they can dedicate all of their attention on that one thing. So when you tell somebody that you really care about them but don't have time to talk to them, it will naturally pose some justified doubt in their head.
Have you ever had somebody who always seemed too busy for you? How can you tell when 'I'm busy' is just an excuse? At what point is someone just being naive when they keep telling themselves someone cares about them though they never seem to have time for them?
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- From: ivarahBharavi@xanga
- About Me: Hello jello! I'm Bharavi and I like making new friends.
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Comments (58)
I think the term alone "I'm busy" can be a bit offensive to hear. Especially if its coming from a family member or close friend. Tell you what... if I ever heard that excuse it would be "see ya later charlie" for me.
@The_Eyes_Of_A_Painter@xanga - I think it's a bit unfair to judge someone so harshly for that comment. I had a boyfriend who would repeatedly call me at work (the coffee shop's phone, so I would have to answer it) and want to talk. And if I had to work at that moment because we had a line of customers, then yeah I'd say "I'm busy".
Same goes for when he knows I am otherwise engaged and think it would be rude for me to take long calls that are not an emergency. So if I find out all he wants to do is talk because he's bored, I will say I'm busy.
Too much "I'm busy" means you're not a top priority. If they're legitimately busy, they will put you in their schedule. I have done that in the past where I was just swamped with a whole bunch of stuff, but my relationship is important too, so I'll block out an hour or two hours just for him.
i dont think it's right to use this line all of the time.. it's not fair to the other person and when i hear this i do get offended.. it's okay from time to time
@vicdaily@xanga - agreed.
I used to hear that from many people, and then I see them hanging out with other people or alone doing something else less important.
Yes I said that in the past because I wasn't interested in certain people. Some people are mean and just suck my time, this is why I don't find it mean from me to reject someone.
There are times when I am busy, but I would follow up saying, "Can I give you a call back in an hour or so?" This way, I let them know that I do want to spend time talking to them.
Yay! You got posted =D
But yeah, too busy is only a problem when someone is using it as an excuse not to visit or hang out with someone or be near someone. Sometimes people have trouble saying the truth. And if someone is genuinely busy, then that's fine. I usually tell my bf or someone if I can call them back later. But it stands, if they are truly busy, they will make time to be with you. My bf does this and my ex did not. That's why he's my ex.
Most of my friends understand that when I say I'm busy, I really am busy. I always try to make time to see them or at least email to catch up with them the best way I can, but if they take offense in the obvious fact: we're not in school anymore, I have priorities that trumphs friend gossip time or talk endless hours onthe phone, and they take that personally, I guess all I can do is say I'm sorry and move on. Most of my acquaintances give up trying to talk to me late at night if I tell them I have to get up at 630AM for work from Monday to Friday... .and Sat/Sun are for my bf and my family. I try to fit as many big group events as possible, but sometimes there aren't enough hours in the day for me to do everything with everyone.
Organizing my calendar ahead of time does work, and I try not to offend anyone but closest friends understand the kind of stress I am in with the new job, growing on a new step in my relationship, pressure from my family, etc... as I understand where they are in their lives. And if I can't get anyone to spend time with me, I relax with a good movie and stop trying to be so needy of people. Read a book, watch an old movie, go for a walk, shop, bake...
With my bf though... we made time for each other as our schedules become more piled up with work and family obligations. Hence the weekend schedule, maybe once we live together, it'll be easier to miss each other less, but we text when we can. :)
Great post. This is so relevant in today's society. It's the new "no".
I think it would be less offensive when they explain what they're busy with...unless it's something like "I'm busy eating," which my sis uses on me. Ummm...a lot of people chat and eat at the same time. It's what people do at restaurants...and even at home! LAME...
this happens all the time with my best friend. i'll text him and he'll say he's busy. and this has happened so many times, i pretty much just give up ever trying to hang out with him.
Yes! I have a friend who I've kept in touch with since the beginning of high school (6 and a half years now), but ever since I got back from studying abroad, she's always "busy." She always had time to talk to me while I was overseas, so I don't understand it at all. I understand that she works, goes to school, has family and a boyfriend, but I've only seen her for two short hang out sessions in the nearly two months that I've been back. I texted her about it and all she said was that she was busy. Helpful. I'm just not going to try anymore at this point.
When I hear this it is a bit offensive. Well....it depends on who it is and how often/not often they have said this to me. Sometimes it is a legitimate excuse, but most of the time I think people just use it because they don't make the other person a priority. Usually if I'm legitimately busy I'll say, "Hey I have x, y and z to do, but maybe we could hangout tomorrow, or sometime this week." I always leave the option open for another chance to hang-out, I rarely just leave it at "I'm busy". My best advice is to not make them a priority anymore...eventually they'll learn that you've moved on to people who DO have time for you.
I started doing this to a friend of mine (currently my roommate) and in a surprising turn of events it helped him to see how it felt to always have someone say "I'm busy". Now he makes more of a effort to make time for us to hangout...hopefully he keeps it up.
I tell people I am busy all the time. Sometimes I mean it and sometimes I dont. My time is precious to me and yes I like my friends, but often I just want to be alone...all alone. Some friends are draining and I just cant spend more than one every few months with them or Ill lose it.
For some reason, I do take offense to that. Reason why is that people would say that to me, and finding out later, they were busy watching TV or playing a game, but the one memory that has stuck with me is that I had a "best" friend whom I would try to talk to and keep in contact with on numerous occasions, but it seemed as if everytime I tried talking to her, she would always respond with I'm busy can I call you back later, and 98% she would never call back.
If someone did say I'm busy doing this, this and that, then it wouldn't really bother me.
I can not stand this excuse it sounds like "i dont like you" when their not, and when they truly are they make other people a priority drives me absolutely nuts
i'm extremely, neurotically sensitive to this. like, to the point that if someone says this to me i just assume they're giving me an excuse and drop their ass like it's hot.
i might be weird, though.
After hearing it once or twice, I just stop asking and wait for them to attempt to make plans.
If somebody just says "I'm busy" to me, then I assume it's an excuse. I usually figure that if they really have something going on, they'll say "I have to work" or "I'm doing something with my family" etc. I hate when people think that their life is so much more important than anybody else's life. I'm busy, too, but I still make time for my friends. I understand that there are times when you just can't, like finals time, but when you can't even return a text within a week, there must be something going on.
"i'm busy" is at best discourteous, and at worst their indirect way of saying no. when someone says it without adding "...but i'm free at this time" (or some equivalent) i probably don't ask them to hang out again...and if it's a girl, i definitely don't ask her out again (and likely delete her number too).
My boyfriend is always busy it seems like, but we're in a long distance relationship so it's kind of hard to work our schedules together exactly and the time difference definitely doesn't help at all. He works from 9-6 and goes to class from 7-3am sometimes so I understand that he is actually busy. He'll text me at work in the morning and he'll usually call me at night, but if he's busy then he's busy. Sometimes I'm too busy to talk, too. I would get annoyed if he didn't make ANY time for me or our relationship, but he does so it's fine. He's also really genuine about being busy and how upset he is that we can't talk as much as we used to. It also helps that he doesn't use the words 'I'm busy' and that he usually tells me that he's just been swamped/exhausted/etc.
Telling someone "I'm busy" when he wants to talk doesn't necessarily mean that I don't like him. If I don't like him or want to continue seeing him, I would tell him the truth. When I say "I'm busy", it's because I AM busy. I dated a guy that worked in retail so he would get 4 consecutive days off during the week and I worked during the week and had weekends off so the "I'm busy" was often said by both of us. It was hard to find a day that both of us had time off to go out. The fact that he lived in Oakland while I live in San Jose made it so much harder. It didn't work because of other issues, not the scheduling though.
I think a generic "I'm busy" is usually an excuse - if someone says "I can't talk, I'm working" or "I'm spending time with my family/best friend/ etc" then it's more viable, y'know? But just saying "I'm busy" without any explanation is pretty rude and makes me think they're not actually busy at all.
my boyfriend is in tech school for the airforce and it sucks because i never know what time would be a good time to talk to him. i mean it's the only way we can "keep in touch" or "connect" and often he is hanging out all night or playing video games..so i either stay up until 4am, to be tired the next day..or i talk to him while he's "off in lala land" playing video games..lol
its all good though. we've been together over 3 years and i am glad he's hanging with his fellow airmen and embrasing this experience.
it's just time that i try to not call or text him for a little while (haha a day or so) and let him have that chance to wonder what i might be doing..or to "miss me". lol it seems mean, but it's all good.
he never says i'm busy and leaves me with that. he tells me he's hanging with friends ect. and when he's home he's always with me/lives with me. so i have never really ran into the blunt "i'm busy". he's a good guy.
i just need to open his eyes to see how much it means to me that we talk since i will not see him for most likely another 4, or 5+ months. so it's my turn to be "invisible" and not call or text him. i am also going to try to not respond for a day or a couple of days. i will answer when he calls..unless i am sleeping. phone is now going to be put on alarm only when my head hits that pillow. i need my sleep.
lol !
@sunflowersforlove@xanga - awe. i have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years and it's currently a long distance relationship because he's now in the airforce. i understand completely when they (our wonderful men) are busy, they really are. my boyfriend calls at night or texts goodnight/goodmorning. when he has "free time" he either naps or hangsout with friends. i wish he'd call me more, but i understand that he has things to do and needs that time to hangout with fellow airmen to wind down from a long work/school day.
it can be hard at times though, since our entire relationship, we've pretty much been together every day and with him leaving for bootcamp October 2010, it was hard to go through and now that he's in Tech school, i will not see him (most likely) until June or July. **hoping sooner than that, but we will see**