Tuesday, 18 January 2011
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Help! My Boyfriend is a Pothead
This is from one of my friends who doesn't have a xanga account but would really appreciate people on Datingish's opinion:
So recently I started dating this guy. He is sweet, caring, sarcastic, funny, gorgeous...basically a normal guy. He's not the sugar coated sweet (thus the sarcastic) kind of guy, which makes him to be a slightly more believeable character.
However, he smokes marijuana. He doesn't deal it, he just smokes it. It doesn't really bother me that much, until I heard that pot is a gateway drug into other drugs: shrooms, and even acid. I don't know if that's true but I don't want to see an amazing guy go downhill.
Have you ever had a SO who did drugs? What were the effects? Are you still together?
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- From: kyrie1220@xanga
- Name: Chelsea
- About Me: I write
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Comments (304)
I don't really smoke myself, but honestly the whole "gateway drug" isn't necessarily true. It's true for some but not others. When I first started dating my bf he was a pothead too. I mean this kid smoked 24/7. Up until then I never had an issue with smoking. I hung out and knew plenty who smoked, but they didn't smoke like that. He doesn't smoke at all except for maybe a few times a year. Honestly, don't worry about it unless he doesn't like to do anything without being high. If he is like that then there is problem since it becomes a mental dependency, but if he is smoking here and there I'd say don't worry about it.
Even if he is a pothead he can still be a good boyfriend lol. My so doesnt smoke but I do & Im pretty sure Im an amazing girlfriend so lol. And btw-MARIJUANA IS NOT A GATEWAY DRUG! ive msoked marijuana for almost 10 yrs & would never do anything else lol. If people choose to do some other drug thats clearly their fault not weeds lol.
Thats like saying oh its the alcohols fault i hit & killed you, no its your own fault for getting in the car lol.
LOL, the "gateway" thing depends on the person and their personality. If they are an addictive, depressed type, then marijuana will lead to harder drugs for them. If not, then there's a very small chance that weed is terrible for them. Either way, if you can't deal with it, you should probably break up with him. If you can, maybe you should open your mind and smoke a bit with him, see if you like it or not. Just don't let it fry your brain and become a bad habit.
deal with it or just break up with him. Marijuana isn't necessarily a gateway drug and shrooms aren't necessarily bad for you either.
@Jordans_mommy1123@xanga - You must be high right now, with all those spelling errors and "lol"s.
As honest questions, not insults: Do you smoke around your son? How can you be sure you're an amazing girlfriend if you're high? Your bf could just be putting up with it for the sake of your kid.......*shrug*
No offense, but this made me laugh. Seems a little naive of a post..
I'm a raging pothead. Its safe. No, its not a gateway drug.
@X_no_one_like_my_lover_nick_X@xanga - I was typing fast so I messed up & no its like noon Im not high right now. NO i dont get stoned around my son and Im not always high. I do it once I get offa work or out of school at night once my kids are asleep. And weve been together for 6 years so obviously Im doing something right. Oh & lol is more of a habit to type.
@Jordans_mommy1123@xanga - Well, how do I know you're doing something right, since I'm not there? That's why I asked.
@Jordans_mommy1123@xanga - you seem like an awesome mom :D
pot isnt a bad thing unless you make it into a bad thing.its called control! lol
I smoke up all the time and don't indulge in anything else. My boyfriend doesn't smoke, and though he doesn't approve of it, he doesn't try to stop me either. I guess it all depends on the person.
@X_no_one_like_my_lover_nick_X@xanga - Exactly your not here, & idk you so why are you all up in my business. YES i smoke weed & i LOVE WEED. I think it should be legal. & alot of my college paper I've turned in has stated that & guess what I go to school for criminal justice AND some of the professors are even detectives, etc. and guess what they smoke weed too! Ive been with my man for 6 years & were very happy together. he doesnt smoke weed cause he has no tolerance what so ever to anything including alcohol. And if I wasnt doing something right with my man and he was just "sticking around for the kids" well than that would be his own fault.
my solution is for you to smoke some pot and then you'll figure it out. pot will be legal soon and then everyone can stfu.
This reminds me of an entry I wrote a while back. Some of the responses may be applicable to your friend's situation. http://www.datingish.com/734040935/is-there-an-exception-to-deal-breakers/
Also, in my experience...yes, it is a gateway drug. Although there are people who have restraint and stick to marijuana, I know a LOT of people who have ventured into other slightly heavier drugs (shrooms, molly, and yes, occasionally acid). I don't know why it serves as a gateway...maybe it just lessens your reservations about trying a drug.
Although I personally hate the habit and don't think I could seriously date a guy with this particular addiction (please, no one respond by saying "IT'S NOT ADDICTIVE!"...psychological addictions are as serious as chemical addictions) I also have to mention that this habit could be something else and be just as bad. For example- video games or alcohol. If this is his only problem...it could be manageable. But, it never has been for me. :)
That's my two cents. :)
I mean drug is a drug no matter how much people say it's safe and it's alright.
Even though I think that, I still smoke weed once in a while. I dont do it as often as your bf, but I usually do it when I have go out with my friends.. which isnt that often either.
Pot isnt necessarily a gateway drug, but since it's a drug that most people consider "safe", they try it, and if they like it, they want to sort of experiment with something stronger and harder. I mean not gona lie, I am curious about shrooms, but Idk if I would actually try it
Lol at the gateway drug thing. I think someone remembers their D.A.R.E. program a little too well. To potheads, D.A.R.E. doesn't stand for Drug Abuse Resistance Education. D.A.R.E. stands for Drugs Are Really Awesome.
The whole theory of it being a Gateway drug is too general. Some people end up doing the harder stuff and some don't. As long as you don't build an emotional attachment to it and you have a few other things in your life to de-stress you I think smoking pot is fine as long as you're responsible with it. The only people that I've known to start doing pot and then moved onto the harder drugs were people that already had emotional problems to begin with. But the people that I know that do it once in a while to just chill out and de-stress usually just stick with pot. By the description of the boyfriend, I think he is just doing it to chill out. I wouldn't get worked up over it.
@Jordans_mommy1123@xanga - FINE! Fuck off! I told you, I was just asking!
"gateway drug" is a bunch of bullcrap. I smoke weed but I wouldn't ever do anything else. I see weed as being similar to alcohol, and I think it should be treated similarly as well. If all your guy does is smoke weed, then you need to leave just because that isn't good for anyone - just like if all he did was drink. But if he just smokes weed on occasion or lights up a small joint at the end of the day to relax (much like having a beer or two after getting home from work) then there isn't really an issue. If you are really concerned, you need to talk to him about it, not us. Ask him how he sees his habit, if he intends on trying other drugs, etc. Everyone is different and does what they do for different reasons, you know? I smoke weed but like I said I wouldn't try anything else. Also I'm a junior at a major university with a 3.68 GPA and every intention of going to grad school. Weed doesn't equal "going downhill," obviously. Again, just talk to him about it. How he views his weed habit will tell you a lot about whether or not you want to stick around.
Well, I've smoked for about two years now, and I'm a senior at a great university, I get good grades, I'm graduating this May with a major and three minors, and I'm planning to go to a very competitive grad school program next year (not gotten in yet, but going for my interview in about a week and a half, and it's looking very good for me right now), and altogether, I'd say my life is pretty darn good.
There are definitely many drugs that are a lot more likely to ruin your life and could be a serious detriment in character, but I believe marijuana use can be done casually without adverse effects to one's life if he/she makes an effort to maintain control of the habit, much like some do with alcohol and cigarettes (which, by the way, I have never smoked in my life). It can get out of hand, and if that's all he likes to do all day long without much activity, then I'd say you've got a problem and you might want to re-think the relationship. Some people, both guys and girls, just smoke the stuff all day long, never do anything, and never seem to really care about anything, and that kind of guy is who I would say you might not want to have for a boyfriend. If he can still be a great guy who's fun to be around and only smokes on his own time without being too lazy, I'd say he could be a keeper. That's what I do, at least, and I like to think some girls could think of me as a keeper.
As for being a gateway drug, I won't lie to you: for some people it, can be. I've tried a few other drugs, a couple of them, I will admit, were pretty dangerous, but I have no interest in doing them again and screwing up my life when I already have everything going so well for me right now. If a person makes an effort to remember that pot is relatively a lot safer than most of the other drugs we were taught to avoid in D.A.R.E. classes back when we were kids and that those others really should be avoided, then it's certainly possible not to "go downhill". It doesn't do it for everyone, but I bet you that every hard-drug addict you can find will tell you that the first illegal drug they ever tried was marijuana.
If you told me your boyfriend was a junkie or a tweaker, I'd tell you to either get him clean or get rid of him, but a pothead? I can see that not ruining a person's health too badly. If you start to notice otherwise, though, or you see him start to fool around with hard drugs, that's the girlfriend cue to encourage him to do what's right and bring out the best in him! I wouldn't say to dump him right away, but talk to him about how it makes you feel, and if he really cares for you, he'll hear you.
It's definitely possible to be a marijuana smoker without being a bad boyfriend/girlfriend, but what it all comes down to is whether you are comfortable with it or not. Maybe if you tell him that you really wish he wouldn't do it, he'll decide that he would rather have you than get high, and if cares for you enough, I'm sure he'd be willing to put it down for you. If not... well, that might tell you something very important about your relationship! Hope it all goes well!
My husband used to smoke and I used to smoke with him. However, I never really enjoyed the "effects" as he did so I didn't last for very long. However, when we got married and started a family, he quit smoking both cigarettes and marijuana altogether. I wouldn't mind if he still smoked, he's wasn't a bad or negligent person when he was on it, but his family is his priority now and he just chooses not to do it anymore. Also, he's a rad tech so his job wouldn't allow him to do it either. I think as long as her bf can do it and still be able to function with his life without having to depend on it all the time, then I don't see much of an issue.
Any illegal substance (or overuse of legal substance) are deal breakers for me, meaning it doesn't matter how great the guy is, that ONE thing is enough for me to jump ship. It has worked well for me so far!
@supanamja@xanga - "drugs are really awesome" = DARA? not dare... hahaha.
well, to contradict a lot of the pot smoker's comments, i've seen it be a gateway drug. but obviously it doesn't happen all the time, or even often maybe. but i've see people who used to just smoke pot, get addicted shrooms and acid. i guess it depends on the type of person you're dealing with.
As some people, it can be a gateway drug, it just really depends on the kind of person and what kind of control they are willing to give. All my experiences with weed have been quite negative. And it certainly doesn't do good for some people. It's made my uncle lazy and more of a slob. And it led to my cousin to getting into meth. It can be for some people if you're aren't ready for weed.
Some people can handle it.Some just can't.Most I know can't. And knowing people, most people can't. Some can.
If you worry about it, don't sell yourself short and date a guy that does it. Do what you want!
@X_no_one_like_my_lover_nick_X@xanga - I'm not sure you have to be depressed to let weed to get the better of you. I think if you're underestimating it then it can happen before you know it. I watched a few people I know get into harder in drugs from weed but none of them had that kind of personality. I guess it just caught them off guard. They couldn't handle it.