It seems like since I had my first crush at 10, everyone from my parents to my best friends has been standing by with advice for how best to play the game, and what rules to follow.
I've heard them all: if a guy waits more than 3 days to call you after a date then he's not interested, but you should never initiate the call yourself. No accepting dates for the weekend if it's after Wednesday. Never let your true feelings show, always keep it a mystery.
Honestly, I'm tired of it.
At what age are we supposed to mature and just admit that we like someone and let it happen? Why do we have to hide it? What good does it do except confuse people and cause accidental hurt? Why is it that to find something that will make us feel happy and free, we have to restrict ourselves to so many rules?
I'm over the game, the rules, and all of its politics. Although it might be a few weeks late for a resolution,
my new LIFE resolution is to be honest with my feelings, and any guy who isn't comfortable with that, is one less player that I'll allow into my life. Are you ever tired of the games and politics of love?
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Comments (72)
I know!
Agreed. This is why I don't play the game. If a woman feels the need to follow an arbitrary set of rules without knowing why she's doing it, I probably won't be interested in her. This is why I'm straight up with girls I date. They don't like it? They can leave. But I would hope they find it refreshing.
"At what age are we supposed to mature and just admit that we like someone and let it happen?
Why do we have to hide it? What good does it do except confuse people
and cause accidental hurt? Why is it that to find something that will
make us feel happy and free, we have to restrict ourselves to so many
rules?"
I've always wondered this myself, but you said it better than I ever did. I agree with you, and that's why I'm always upfront, honest, and don't subscribe to the rules. Who the hell decided that all of this had to be a game? That's one of the reasons I'm sick of dating in the first place.
I dunno. I never really played those "i'm interested but not letting it show" games. Honesty has always worked best for me.
It's really supposed to be if it's some random guy who asks you out. If it's a friend that you're interested in I don't see why you wouldn't already be honest.
After becoming a freshman in college it really just made me to stop playing the mysterious card but i don't know for some reason college made me really open about my feelings with a guy. It's so much better that way too, you're not spending your time questioning 'do he like me or doesn't he' 'am i wasting my time?' you know. you lay it all on the table and he can take it or leave it.
I rarely ever take love/relationship/dating advice from others usually because of these reasons. It's always some tradtional dating bullshit tip that does not go with the way I do things at all. When it comes to love, I do what feels right to me. I've never followed the rules and I'm doing just fine.
Because it really is a game sometimes. Like someone but you haven't known them for a very long time? You don't wanna spill the beans too early and look like a stage 5 clinger. Sometimes you just have to take it slow to reel them in. I can remember dating guys back before my current relationship who just seemed TOO interested after making out a couple times. It can be way too much when you're just trying to get to know someone. When I was first dating my bf, a little over 2 years ago, I was really really into him the moment I met him. I was the one who initiated contact, by giving him my number randomly on my way off the train. Well, I'm sure that first contact was pretty mysterious, and he wanted to know more. Upon meeting him, we spent over 2 hours talking and he missed his first class on the 2nd day of school. I knew I had to keep it cool, though, because showing so much interest in a guy so early on is a turn off and being so eager makes you seem needy.
i don't play games. that's for the weak at heart
@cdedodgethis@xanga - Agreed
And you shouldn't either and you should take and pick relationship/love advice from others instead of following every bit of it. Because sometimes, it won't really apply to you.
I personally do not like games at all, and I think the term "games" gives dating a really bad rep. However, I think some mystery is good... My last relationship started after a very short time (he asked me to be his girlfriend after like... 4 days, and I accepted because I really liked him), and it lasted nine months. It was a good relationship, but it kind of fizzled starting around six months. I had another similar relationship, but it lasted even less time. Both were intense, but they both ended after a fairly short period of time, and in hindsight I kind of wish I'd left a little mystery in there.
But if I like a guy and he asks me out on a date, I'll go! I WILL show interest, but I think little mystery and not letting yourself fall for the guy too soon builds a better foundation for a longer relationship. Don't get me wrong though, I don't think people should pretend not to be interested if they like someone.
Yup, very tired. I don't like the rules.
AGREED. It just becomes tiring, there are just days when I plop myself onto the couch and I want to say: "Let's be frank, I like you, do you like me or what?" "No more games, its ridiculous and draining".
If I did that though, I would be considered crazy, what's so crazy about wanting to be in an effortless relationship?I think that's utter nonsense. The first time I was ever with a guy seriously, I knew it was meant to be because I didn't feel the need to shilly-shally or beat around the bush- he asked me what I thought of him & I answered him point blank that I liked him. He was the first guy I ever felt that way about...
this website is very good, you can go and see it
http://www.shoes4world.com/
wow you get some awful advice, lol.
I never followed any of that type of advice. Rules are for games, and love, as everyone knows, is not a game.
And its never too late to have as good of a resolution as that :)
I ditched the rules, codes, and exceptions a few years ago, and it is much easier this way. Also it seems, it opens you up so that the OTHER true emotions and honest people come into your life. All around a good thing, I have never regretted it.
I never played those games, it always felt wrong to do so.
I fell in love with the first person I dated because we were both honest with each other and didn't hide anything from one another. We've been happily married for 1 1/2 years now.
The game isn't worth it.
3 day rule is so stupid. if a girl liked me i would want to know.. (not that anyone would, but js) if i liked a girl i would tell her and ask her out again.. too bad i just don't know how to meet people though oh well! ya, i hate hints and stuff, being blunt is the best way.
i ask this alllll the time. i'm glad it's not just me thinking we shouldn't have to hide from something that could potentially make us happy.
Well- my husband told me he was going to marry me the first time he saw me. I guess it was love at first sight for him. Me? I was hanging around with a couple of guys, trying to decide if I liked anyone enough. I gave him a chance.....we did get married and are very happy still, after 24 years! Games? No need: just do what is natural to you. When it's the right person for a serious relationship, you will know. Besides, all the 'rules' change regularly. Best thing is to always be honest.
This is what you do if you're a guy:
Walk up to a chick and ask "can I fuck you?"
No politics necessary.
yeah i think @starcrossedloversdivine@xanga explained it best--too much too soon is a huuuge turn-off. it's okay to spill the beans once you've been going out for a while but in the beginning a little mystery is nice.
there's a limit, of course--mixed signals are bad. if the guy asks you out and you say no when you really mean yes, you're not doing anyone any good...and similarly, if you say no because you're busy but want to go out, have the decency of making a counteroffer.
Many people hide their feelings because they are afraid. If you are not afraid to share your true feelings, then I commend you. It is a marvelous thing and I wish more people would come out of their shells.