I learned to not take life so seriously.  To relax and enjoy the good things in your life, rather than focus on all the things that hurt or make you angry(especially when there are a lot more good things than a couple bigger bad things) I learned that I have a high standard for promises that most others won't ever be able to keep up with... to not believe in promises from other people, even if I so desperately want to.  

I learned that love is wonderful, and if you have it, don't let petty things get in the way of giving and receiving it.
Whew.  Yeah my first love was a crazy, roller coaster experience. 

(Oh and I remember it; our break up was nearly a year ago.  We're not friends after this last break up; he shut me out. We met through mutual friends way back in middle school)

I'm experiencing my first love right now. There's no other way to describe it but exhilarating.

I had no idea that love involved so many emotions. I've learned so much. <3

Even if we aren't together, he'll have a spot in my heart for a very long time to come; I'm not letting this one go anywhere anytime soon.

very cute. not to be rude, but your incorrect placement of commas really irritated me and took away from the story

@fatal_mess@xanga - hahah i noticed it too!

I don't think anyone ever forgets their first love. However, I want nothing to do with mine. He turned out to be a very violent, hateful man. I learned a lot from him though.

I find myself wondering why you broke up.  Not that it's any of my business.

The first boy I ever really REALLY remember liking was named Edwin. I mean I had liked boys before but it REALLY hit me in 6th grade. We like went together & stuff but it was completely innocent. We hit a bad patch though when I was 13 because he broke up with on the phone 2 days after he said he loved me but he apologized for it a few months later at his cousin's party (she is one of my best friends).

The first boy I KISSED though was right after I graduated 8th grade & his name was Tony. It was like in the movies. We were just hanging out & it was completely out of the blue. We hugged goodbye then just leaned in to kiss. And he turned bright red. I found out the next day he got grounded for leaving the house without telling his parents but he didnt seem to mind it. LOL. We didnt date officially until 3 years later & that didnt end well either but he apologized years later when I ran into him.

I'm noticing a pattern with guys I liked when I was younger. I'm totally NOT hoping for a threepeat! XD!!

awe what a touching story you've got there. well, i still remember my 1st love.. i had fallen in love so many times & I'm fed up w/ it.. back to being S.U.S- Single, Unavailable & Satisfied

@suicide_king23@xanga - We broke up, because we both grew apart. I matured a lot faster than him even though he is old than I am. He also had a different life style than me. He wanted to be crazy and party...I was serious about my schooling and my future. It wasn't meant to be forever, but it was beautiful while it lasted.@monomial13@xanga - I like that S.U.S. I was like that for a while, but not anymore.@mirrorslie@xanga - I guess I don't need to. I was an honors english student(still am just not in school this moment). I have always received strait As on all my papers and wrote for different websites, books, magazines, and papers. I will look into it...

...I feel I can really relate to this post. Thanks for sharing! *hugs* I would go in more details, but right now my mind is lacking. I need sleep. But yeah. Just wanted you to know I can relate to this post, and I appreciate that. :)

I love this story,

I admire you greatly for how far you've come. How long did it take you to get over it? To stop crying?

I have been going to this one church my whole life.. When I was in 8th grade, beginning to come into highschool when I started hanging out with some of the highschoolers. There was this one guy, let's call him Chris[not because I don't want you to know his name, but because I can't speak his name.. I can't write it.. I can't do anything. It hurts too much to even think it.] Well, he was always so nice to me. I never thought anything of it. I mean, he was a sophmore at the time.. He was cute, funny, and he brought different girls to youth group at the time. Plus, I was getting over someone else. Well one day he called me.. and we just talked. It was really cool, and I was really surprised. I was so sheltered, I thought I was so cool cause a highschooler called me. Eventually, I became a freshman and he became a junior.. Him and I really started hitting it off. It was like, I had known him my whole life.. even though I barely knew him. I never had to make myself look pretty, he made me feel beautiful by how I looked at him. I told him everything.. we had no secrets. He told me some pretty crazy things too, and we just could talk and talk about nothing.. Phone conversations lasted for hours, texting, and church.. I wasn't allowed to date, and my parents didn't like him. But they didn't know. Well, him and I started getting physical. Making out is the farthest we went.. But that was all we had to do for it to happen. My mom found my journal. She saw how I loved him, but all she chose to see was the sin. She locked herself in her room, and loudly, mockingly read my journal out loud. I screamed at the top of my lungs, banging on the door, doing anything I could to shut her up, to try to fix it, to try to change her mind.. But I knew it was over. I grabbed some books, stole my mom's phone, and ran away. I called him. The first thing I said was, "Do you love me?" he said, "Yes.. why?" and I told him. We didn't know what to do, and we tried all we could to think of excuses. Well, he did. But I knew there was no going back. I knew it was over. We got off the phone and I walked far away until i finally answered one of my moms phone calls, and had her pick me up. The next few days were reeling with hostility. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't know.

He got a new gf. But him and I still talked so much.. We tried all we could, even though we weren't allowed to even look at each other. We kept up a great friendship for so long.. but we had never known each other as just friends. So we didn't know how to act, we didn't know how to love each other so simply. Things got terrible. He was so.. stressed. He yelled at me. Called me names. Ignored me. Screamed. Only talked about himself or cared about himself.. and what did I tell him every night? That I loved him. Because I couldn't possibly stand the thought of losing him. I loved him with this selfless love that just wanted him happy. When we were together, he loved me no matter what emotion i had. He loved me through everything, portrayed faithful endless love. And I wanted to repay him. Now was my time.

We secretly met at a park twice.. Once just hanging out and talking, catching up since he had a girlfriend. He left that day, and as soon as he was outta sight after he blew me a kiss, I fell to the ground, sobbing. And I knew on that day, I would NEVER love like that again.

The second time, he was single. We met and we talked and then we did some stuff. But this was different. It was lust, not love. He was angry, not gentle. He was selfish, not selfless. When he brought me back home I watched him pull away.. and his face was just a rush of emotions. Angry, sad, confused, loving, hopeless.. I couldn't read him like I used to. His brilliant penetrating blue eyes were now dark and closed. I used to see everything in them, and now nothing. I knew we lost what we had.

He never talked to me again after that, and he even told on me when I tried. After EVERYTHING we had been through.. He betrayed me. Nothing hurt worse, and I still can't believe it today. That last day at the park before he left.. he hugged me, and He looked me in the eye and said, "Though many things are muffled one thing remains, our love was untamed, tangible, and incredible." He told me that his memories of me were as clear as crystal, and that being with me was like living in a dream.

I don't blame him. I don't hate him. In fact, although it's been over a year since he betrayed me, I still love him like I told him I always would.

He was so flawlessly beautiful to me. He has the brightest future, the deepest dreams, the biggest capacity of love and knoweledge, the most beautiful hands and eyes, and he's such a talented musician and writer. I'll never forget him.

We were separated November 19th, 2008. Today is January 15, 2011. Over two years. And I have never stopped loving him. He's out there in the world, though we have no contact. He is there, and wherever he is, if he ever needs someone, I'll be here no matter what. All I think about is him. For the first year after, I had dreams of him every night. Waking up screaming, shaking, sweating, anything. But it was so hard. Now i think, "Who is there to love him?" I don't want him to hurt.. I don't want people to take advantage of him, to hurt him, to leave him.. I want them to love him and I want him to be happy more than anything in this world.

I still cry. I still hurt. But I'm learning to still live my life. As much as life would be easier if I got over it, I don't want to. I don't want to forget the one who made me who I am today. I don't want to forget the love that I once had. I have his letters, our pictures, all our memories. And I will never leave them behind, never forget them, never throw them away.. I will treasure them for the rest of my life. So here's to you, love, I love you. I wish I could tell you that one last time.

I don't know if any of you read this, and I don't care. I just needed to get it out. Today is a bad day and the memories are heavy. It's hard to remember him sometimes, and somedays I feel him so close. It's so hard to wake up to my parents every single morning, and think of how they caused this torment in my life. How it is because of them that I dont' have the love of my life. I know that him and I made mistakes, but couldn't we have changed? Couldn't they have helped us? Instead of killing everything?

I'll always love him. Til forever. But I can't have him ever again....

Thank you for sharing your story, I hope you're doing well.

this was so sweet :)