Wednesday, 29 December 2010
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Should I Tell My Boyfriend I Write Porn?
I am a twenty-something webcartoonist with an awesome boyfriend and a lousy job as a marketer. I really want to be able to quit my job but I simply can't at the moment because of financial reasons. My boyfriend and I live together and he's been having a lot of trouble finding work as a sound system manager. We barely make the rent and it looks like I'm going to have to put off starting grad school this year because I've been denied a loan.
About two months ago I got wind of a great opportunity. A friend, after having looked at a webcomic that I maintain as a hobby, told me about some paid work I could do for a subscription-only website specializing in pornographic webcomics. The website is very well-regulated. All material relating to non-consensual sexual practices (rape, pederasty, violent BD/SM etc.) is strictly forbidden. I've been submitting written and drawn material to this website for over a month now and I've been making some good money. I didn't tell my boyfriend about this because I didn't get around to it at first. Later, when I told some pals over coffee about my side-work, one girl said: "You shouldn't tell your boyfriend about this."
"Why not?" I asked, "He's very open-minded and it's not like I'm publishing my own photos or even submitting stuff under my real name. This is just something to help us through the lurch."
"Yeah," she replied, "But isn't all of your work girl-girl stuff? He might get insecure and wonder if you're gay or unsatisfied with him or something."
I realized that she was right. I am not gay and neither (ironically) is my core audience: straight men who like a little internet time before bed. However, I wouldn't feel comfortable if I knew he was creating sexually-explicit gay male material. Is it hypocritical to assume that he would be okay with my writing gay-themed porn while knowing I wouldn't feel comfortable if he were doing the same thing?
What do you think? Should I tell my boyfriend I write porn?
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About the Author
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- From: phoebester@xanga
- Name: Phoebe
- About Me: I write and draw cartoons. Appreciate them, damn you!
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Comments (110)
Yes definitely. He has the right to know and it's not like you can keep it a secret forever. Plus, he might think it's cool.
... nope. Don't mess with a good thing.
Um, that's interesting that you would be uncomfortable if he was writing gay porn. I would be too. What a double standard I have.
I don't think it sounds weird. Why would he get insecure about that? You're supposed to do what you're good at! And if its making you bank, what's the problem? I don't think its a big deal.
I think it's necessary and I think he'll realize your situation better than your friends think.
yes talk it over with him. i would think by now you would know if he is insecure and just because you would feel differently does not mean he would feel the same way.
btw...i think it is awesome that you can do this type of work.
Writing it, huh? I personally don't think that it's a problem. Sending stories, drawing stuff...although, I too would be a teensy bit suspicious that most of it was girl on girl. But aside from that, I think he would be curious about the profession.
I believe full disclosure is a good thing to have in a relationship.
yes, you should. don't assume he'll have a negative reaction to it. plus, what's the point in hiding it from him when it's actually helping you both financially?
@TheCheshireGrins@xanga - This.
@CampCutie91@xanga - Yup!
First, honesty is important in relationships. Second, you both need to be a little more open-minded. What's the big deal? It's just porn.
@CampCutie91@xanga - agree!
Just tell him. It's better to have a slight suspicion from him that you might be gay (but you're not because you're with him) than you not telling him, him finding out and accused you of not being honest.
finding out via one's own will cause one to process some unhealthy thoughts. so just tell him.. plus, honesty is the best policy...
i actually see nothing wrong with it whatsoever, i can say that my bf wouldn't mind that too.
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I could see my boyfriend being a little bugged by it, but only if I didn't tell him from the get go what was going on. He would probably be grossed out by it and not really care haha. :p
it's not like you're telling him you've got a penis.
it's just porn. your face isn't in it. big whoop. if he can't handle it, screw him and that girl, too. what a bish....Tell him, it's your job, it's not bad at all and he should understand when you need the money.
It's just a different form of "art"/"porn". He shouldn't feel threatened by it. If your relationship is so good he should be able to understand it.
If he finds out on his own he might be a whole lot more pissed than if you told him. You may not write under your name -- but he could always find out by some means. Just be open and honest with him. Keeping secrets in a relationship is pretty toxic.
Any question that starts with "Should I tell my boyfriend that..." should not be asked. The answer is always yes.
If you're having trouble making the bills, he should know that there is extra money coming in. It being a job makes it more important to tell than if it were just a hobby.
draw him a strip with the two of you in it and use it as a stepping stone to what might potentially be an uncomfortable chat.
You should definitely tell him, without reservation. You should be able to trust him. If not, then you shouldn't be in a relationship together.
Besides, he might think it's pretty hot.
Does he like girl on girl? If so, I don't think there would be a problem.