Awhile back, I signed myself up for a "penpal" ad and not long after I posted it on the website I had emails from all over the world pouring into my inbox. I read them and I wanted someone that was like me and whose native language was English (or fluent in English) and I was open to snailmail or email.
I sifted through emails for a few days until I finally came across one that caught my attention . . . it went something along the lines of: "I am 19 years old and am currently attending the University of Canterbury for biochemistry. In my free time I like to go hiking and hangout with my friends and play football (or should I say soccer, you are American?). I also enjoy reading and. . ."
I was interested, and so I emailed back. I told them the basics about myself and we kept swapping emails back and forth. We had swapped photos of ourselves and sent pictures of where we live. Just landscapes and parts of the city that are unique to each place. Until, he asked me if I had Skype. We swapped screen names and that's when things took a turn for the different.
Over the first month, we would just IM, nothing very serious until he asked if he could call me. I agreed and that was the beginning of something that I had no idea would start. (By the way, we're going to call him Kiwi since he is from NZ). Kiwi and I would talk . . .. all the time. When I would wake up at 4 a.m., he would be online. Barely awake but I would open my email/Skype and there he would be already IMing me. He would tell me that he wanted to wish me well during my classes and he would talk to me later in the day. When I would get home from my classes (3 p.m.) he would just be waking up.
I never used to rush home until Kiwi and I started getting a bit serious. He would call me the moment that I would sign on and we talked until he had to go to school, or work. I was all a very convenient time difference in a way. It didn't take away from my studies or my sleep and the same for him, too. He didn't mind watching me study on Skype and I didn't mind hearing him read from his lab book when he was studying.
One day when he called, he said that he wanted to talk and I asked him if something was wrong and he replied "It's not wrong, well I don't think it is. I want to talk about this. Us." and he told me that he felt something.
He told me that he wanted to come to America or he wanted me to come to New Zealand so we could spend time together. He told me that he wanted me to be the girl in his life not just for a year but for many years and he could see himself having a future with me. He told me that he was in love with me, too.
I couldn't deny it. I was ecstatic that he was telling me all this. It matched everything that I was feeling perfectly and I really did want things to escalate into something with a bit more substance. He would send me emails with videos of him talking (on days that we couldn't talk) and he'd send me voicemails, telling me that we would talk soon. Things were going so great.
And then he made it official. He asked me if we could make it work. I told him that we could.
That's when things went amazing. Everything was in my favor. I felt like I could do anything. I felt like I had really met someone. I still feel that way. I have been talking to him about my university and where I am wanting to go. I feel like I should just pick up and study in NZ for a year or so. Spend time with him and he told me that he would love that because the only reason he's not here in America with me is because he is in university.
I feel like if I go there, so many people will be unhappy with me, but if I stay here then I will be more than unhappy.
I really feel like this guy is my soulmate and there is something real between us.
What do I do?
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Comments (90)
You have to do what you feel is right. That's all I can say to that.
It sounds like such a cute story. Almost like a fairy tale! keep us posted, i hope for a happy ending!
@mademoiselle_rachelxx@xanga - agreed
if you wanna go study there, you should. if you think you can make this relationship work, and you really care about/love him, then that's what you should do. if there are people unhappy with you about it, then they're not really looking at your relationship with this guy or really worrying about your happiness, if you've explained that this is what will make you happy.
I'd say be careful- not because you never met him, but be careful for your feelings. Sometimes you fall hard when someone confesses things like that to you; it can mess with your head. Just be careful and get to know the guy even better, in person. People are different online/on the phone than in person. You'll both have to get used to each other's little ways.
Good luck though, and if it's meant to be, it will be a hell of a story to tell
Thats suchh a cute story! You'll always wonder if you missed out on something if u dont try. I changed my college plan to be with someone i loved, and we broke up a week before school started, but i dont regret it. I would have always wondered what could have been. Sure, i would have saved a lotttt of money going to the original school (community college) but i would have missed all the experiences i had at the new college. Even if it doesnt work out, at least u tried.
do what you want to do! regret comes from not doing what you want to do.
Wow, I love this. I especially love the idea that you guys would spend time together on webcam, even if you weren't directly having a conversation, almost like you were in the same room together just doing things you would do normally.
But definitely you have to do what you feel is right. The way I have always viewed situations like this is: sure, people will be sad to see you go and it will be a huge change... but you can't wait around just because of other people, because when their lives grow and change, marriage, kids, etc, they won't be waiting for you to catch up - they will be doing their own thing. And you have to do your own thing, what you feel is right, to make your own life/pave your own road etc. Surely you could keep in touch with family and friends. I moved an hour away (gosh I know it's different than moving to NZ! but...) from family and friends and I hardly ever get to see them, but I moved to be with someone I love and who I want to build a life with, and I don't regret it, not for a second, even when I miss my "old" life, home, social life, etc. It's worth it, if you are with someone you feel a strong connection with and share a great love with. So that's all the advice I could offer, if the love is real and you are willing to make changes for it, it will be worth it! Good luck :)
Take a risk, if everything fails, you can always come home :)
hunny, go.
go for it, if you don't you will always wondering what if.
GO!!!
Oh my goodness, GO!
be like nike and just do it. you never know until you try :]
From personal experience with this... and it's going on currently... Be. Careful. Do everything you can to make sure he is who he says he is. Everything moved very quickly for me and my interest. Speaking daily on skype and texting throughout the day. Turns out. She's not exactly who she told me she was. And while I'm trying to work my way through that with her I'm finding it difficult currently trusting her.
Just.
Do your homework. If he is true and is in love with you then he'll not question the need for proof of any type.
i don't know about the whole messaging you as soon as you sign on thing...that sort of thing creeps me out. and watching you while you study? yeahhh
...just because you've met him online doesn't mean you've met him in person. This isn't a fairytale--this is real life. The moment you said that every time you signed on he was calling you, I thought this story was going to be a story about online stalking. Was he waiting around for the moment you signed on to call you? That's a sign of stalking, not affection. All you know is things he's told you-- you don't know any of this for sure. Because you're not in New Zealand.
Yeah... packing up your life and moving to another country to be in a personal relationship with someone you've never met before... Bad idea. Seeing as he would be the only person you know there, you'd be reliant on him all the time for friendship and humanity. So if things didn't work out, you'd be stuck in another country with no one else to talk to and nobody to help you get around. You don't know the culture there, or the slang--there are so many little things about going to another country that make a huge difference... Step back and look at this. You met a person online, you discovered that you like talking to him, and now you want to move to another country to be with him?Sounds a little insane (and totally dangerous) to me.
girl go you never get opportunities likes this all the time (:
well, just make sure that he's into this as much as you are. any relationship takes effort, and long distance ones take a lot more. so if he doesn't put as much effort into the relationship as you do, it's not worth it, because maybe it's not the right relationship for you. if he sees as much potential in your relationship as you do, that's great!
and just so you never regret not going and wonder what could have been, you should go and meet him! good luck dear :)
I would make sure you guys meet before you go over there to study. It might be all cute and peachy now, but you never know what can happen after you meet. He might be rude to other people, he might burp in public (I don't know if that bothers you, but it would be an automatic no for me haha), or he might do something you couldn't stand at all. I'm in a long distance relationship and I'm completely happy with it. We also met online. He came out here to visit me from Texas and I live in California. So, it's not too far. We met when I was 17 and he was 19, but he didn't move out here until I was 18. We ended up having a huge falling out when he had to move back home and didn't talk again for awhile. We started to date again and we've been consistently dating for two years now, but he was living out here for a year. I don't think I would have wanted him to just move out here to be with me without visiting first. I'd visit first or have him visit you. If you're only financial choice is to do it through school then do a study abroad program there because if it doesn't work out you can leave after a semester and you'll at least have the experience of living in New Zealand.
You should do what makes you happy.
@l0veBabyx@xanga - very true
Good luck to you though =D
Before deciding to go study in NZ, maybe you should visit the country with a friend. Meet him in public and do all the things you're told to do when you meet someone off the internet. Then if things work out, you can study abroad for a semester. How long have you been talking? You should do the phone thing for a long while before the meet in person thing. And then maybe you can go there for spring break or he can come here. Or you could meet in Europe lol that way you're BOTH in a strange place! Definitely do a visit before making a commitment for a semester. Be careful. It's such a romantic story, I hope it works out!
@Itinvolvedwhippedcream@xanga - Agreed,sadly.
when I was 19, I was at the boy crazy stage and thought this guy was my soul mate but he wasn't. then I met another guy and thought that he was my soul mate. he wasn't either. I'm saying that it might be infatuation. if you feel strongly about it and it is love, then that's your choice to make. I personally wouldn't just abandon everything and move to another country when I haven't actually been on actual dates with the guy or see how he interacts with me up close and personal.
GO! Love is Never an impulse!!!