I remember back when I was young (high was about 6-10 years ago) when I had my first long relationship. That relationship lasted for over 3 years and it was one of the happiest. I never remembered actually making it official to my friends, though. We just decided that we liked each other and went out. We didn't hear about Facebook yet (as you would know the "It's not official until it's on Facebook" law).
So, how important is it really to have the title?
Some can argue that it is used to let others know that "I'm taken." It can also hold a more symbolic meaning to show that you are really committed to that person, and that you are not afraid to show it. Others would say that it is unnecessary and that you don't need it to actually be official. My brother has been dating his girlfriend for a month or more, but never placed the "In a Relationship with ____________" on Facebook (even though the girlfriend has, and she's probably fine with it).
Personally, for me, I like having a title because I'm not afraid to let people know who I am with. Because you should be proud of who you are dating, right?
What about you? How do you feel about adding a title to your relationship?
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I like having my relationship status on facebook because then other people know i'm taken... it just kinda cuts out awkwardness of them trying to flirt and whatever. i also am happy to show off who i'm dating. but, if i was in a sort of 'complicated' thing, i think i would just remove my relationship status altogether from facebook... i don't really believe in the 'in an open relationship' and 'it's complicated with' labels. if it's weird like that then just don't say anything and explain to people up front... and that usually means you aren't really 'taken' anyway
Agreed.
I've actually opened up a bit to it in the past year or so. I always avoided the status change because it made me feel like I was bragging but now, I'm happy to brag about it.
i feel like its important because it shows they're commited and truly in it. when i see a girls status say 'in a relationship' or "married' lol and i see the guys have nothing. i just, think they're cheating. or else somethings not right. but sometimes its the other way around and the girl says nothing and guy says something, either way. i think people should be on the same page.
I would love to have a title for my relationship. My problem is, I'm not really sure what to call it. We're not 'boyfriends,' but we're not 'married.' I don't even have a Facebook anymore; is there a civil partnership option? o.O It's really awkward trying to introduce him to people. "This is my ...boy ...hus ...oh, fuck it, this is just Fritz."
If one of the people don't make it public then i see them as less committed. probably just a generalization i know, but thats what i think. I need the title.
I am in a situation where me and my bf cannot make it official. I totally get the entire argument. Things would go ballistic on him once his family members found out that he had a different-religion, different-ethnicity girlfriend. They are not ready to find out, we are not ready to tell them (still too early). In a situation like this I can put "In a Relationship" on Fb without adding the person who I am with. I think it is fair enough. And I totally would not let someone flirt with me on Facebook. Such a person is out from my list. That is pure disrespect in my eyes. Towards both persons -me and my boyfriend.
@sassypenguin@xanga - I agree. Without the title, you're less committed. And if that's what you want, then great. However, if you're actually dating with some sort of commitment to one another, the title is important.
I think making it official is important unless both parties really don't want to make it official. Otherwise, someone is being stringed along.
I dated a guy for 8 months and I pressured him often to make it official. I wanted to because I liked him and even though often he didn't treat me right, and we faught a lot, I had very strong feelings for him. After about 5 months he started having really strong feelings for me as well, but he still didn't make it official. He claimed it was because he wasn't ready for a relationship and that he dates women for a long time before he makes someone his girlfriend.
By the 8th month we got along great, I got use to his bizarre humor, we stopped fighting, and it finally felt like we were in harmony. He talked often about making us official, but he just needed a little time.
Then I met my current boyfriend, fell head over heals right away, and made it official with him. It was so nice to be wanted right away.
So when the other guy found out, he went nuts, actually. Got drunk, talked of suicide, said he was madly in love with me etc. That the only reason he didn't wifey me up because he was still waiting to break up with his gf of 4 years (that I didn't know about). But as soon as I get a bf he breaks up with her and realizes how badly he wants to be with me ha.
I feel like I've told this story a lot. It's just a fun karma because his ex gf now has someone else, so do I, and now he's alone.
I don't have an FB account, so it doesn't matter all that much to me about making it "Facebook official," although I would prefer for whoever I'm dating to put on his profile that he's in a relationship/take down single status if we move from the casual dating stage into the exclusive dating-acknowledging each other as boy/girlfriend stage if he uses FB. If he doesn't use FB, well then, all that really matters is that we and our circle of friends know that we're together, in my opinion.
Oh, and as far as if you met on a dating site goes...it doesn't matter to me if you keep your profile up/active, so long as you change your status from "single" to "in a relationship" or "seeing someone."
Someone I was once "in a relationship" with refused to change his status on both FB and his dating profile, and it honestly made me extremely uncomfortable. Not so much the FB one, but the dating profile was what really got to me. Why bother acknowledging someone as your girlfriend when you're acting like you still want to see what else is out there?
I didn't have a Facebook until earlier this year. I know, right? Where have I been? Anyways, in my past relationships, we always let our friends and mutual friends know that we're dating. Or our family for that matter. Having a "title" just make more sense if you're in a committed and serious relationship with someone. If you deny or don't want to admit it to people, maybe you are hiding something? Unless you have a valid reason like @mistresshepherdess@xanga then I can understand why you wouldn't want others to know who you are dating. But nevertheless, I'm talking about people who are in a relationship, but still claim they're single. I think that's a complete different story there though.
But anyways, when I created a Facebook account, I found out that my bf had already listed that he was in a relationship.. and then we made it "Facebook official" when I created an account. Did it feel good to make it official on Facebook? Yep. Because I do know some people who are in relationship and so does their "circle of friends," but listed themselves as "Single" on Facebook while their partner listed themselves as "In a Relationship." If you ask me, this FB Status is just full of shit.
@jeezshoua@xanga - "just full of shit" is probably the best way to describe it!!! it was like when people were joining dating websites and putting... "in separation", "divorced", "widow" or "never married"! lol Actually, an old friend of mine was listed as "in a relationship" and her bf kept on having whether "single" or "it's complicated"... I was not surprised that he listed himself like that, because he is a total insensitive peep-hole! I do not think any of us needs a tag to know to whom our hearts belong! ;)
I feel like its more important when its official (:
i dunno, i guess i see both sides. I've been dating my boyfriend now for 7 months and neither of us have it listed on Facebook. I guess neither of us made that change... Personally, I don't have a problem with it not being "facebook official" because I have enough confidence in our relationship that I don't need a social network to validate it. We have each other in our profile pictures and I guess that's good enough for me. Although sometimes, yes, I do think about making it facebook official just for the bragging rights because i know how damn lucky i am to have him as my boyfriend! But then I decided it's really nobody's business but mine and his... I'm so torn haha!
I never worried about the whole "facebook/myspace status" thing until I found out my boyfriend wasn't changing his because he was meeting girls online and talking to other girls and all that jazz. I didn't really appreciate being cheated on (yes, he actually met with and hooked up many of them, it was a lot more than just talk) so I think now if a boyfriend was against changing his status, I would be wary. Little things, you know? I'm not going to have a heart attack if dude doesn't change it after the first date or something lol but you know what I mean.
Uh.... Statuses.... They are a pain to up keep when you can't log on for months at a time... Otherwise, people have their reasons for not making it official, like not getting in trouble with their parents... Facebook is not official, it is stupid.
To me, adding a title to a relationship basically defines it and sets up specific rules, which can be both good and bad. It's good when you know you want to be in a serious committed relationship with someone, but bad if flexibility in the relationship is better. As long as both people know how the relationship is defined, why do you need a title for it?
As for the whole Facebook status argument, I figure, if I'm single, I need to know that the guy is man enough and finds me interesting enough to actually talk to me and find out if I'm single rather than just looking on Facebook. And if I'm in a relationship, the people who are important to me already know and the people who aren't as important to me don't need to know. Plus if you break up, you always get those awkward questions when your status changes from "in a relationship" to "single" when you really don't need people reminding you that it happened.
Oh, good. Datingish didn't change my title. But they took out my last sentence. Hahah.
@jeezshoua@xanga - Dont feel bad, I didnt get into the hype of social networks either. XD!! I didnt join until I was almost out of high school & then when facebook exploded, it still took me 2 years to get one.
I agree with you on the FB status things. It's stupid to me because of what you said & seeing kids that are 13 & 14 being "married" or having a new relationship every week. I'm not old fashioned or anything but I think at that age, it's immature. Plus I hate how people take FB so seriously. "OMG!!! He defriended me!!" or like on myspace "Why am I not in your top 4/8/12/16?!". Gosh...
Social networks almost make it easier to cheat so I would be wary when I'm in a committed relationship but my boyfriend or husband wont change his status or keep profiles on dating only sites.
well my boyfriend officially asked me to be his girlfriend, so even though we're not "facebook official," it's been almost 4 years and we introduce each other as girlfriend/boyfriend, so I'd say we're official! haha
I think its important to be official because it would really hurt to be introduced to someone as his "friend." when we took a break that's how he introduced me to some people and it hurt, a lot. I don't think I'd be able to be in a relationship where I wasn't recognized as a "girlfriend."
Well my bf and I have it as in a relationship and that's it. My bf doesn't want to put my name though just because he feels as if there are some people that don't need to know his business, which I can somewhat relate to. At times it would be nice to see my name, but honestly, it's whatever. We aren't exactly FB official, but in the real world, we are.
yeah i gotta agree i like the label because if i dont have a label i still feel like im allowed to talk to other ppl too. Sooo basically, id say a label is good to have for me at least. The FB rule totallyy exists though haha
Being denied the title hurts my feelings. And I feel stupid taking "not FB official" as an insult, but I do. Especially since we have been together for nearly a year. Our friends know just from word of mouth or seeing us together in public, but he's sketchy about telling his parents and it makes em feel terrible.
I have to agree..I like having a title too..The whole Facebook thing I like for it to be on there too..but it isn't a big deal on there.
I like the title. It feels more committed and it's out there, which I like. Not a secret.