I like the idea of chivalry, but there has to be a line. I'm a 50/50 kind of guy and as much as girls love it when guys take initiative, I love it when a girl can do the same thing.
I don't mind taking control of a situation and making decisions, but if I'm doing it all the time, then there is a problem. I'll eventually run out of ideas or places to go. I also like input from the girl because I want to make sure that she isn't bored or if there was something else she had in mind, which can turn out to be a greater idea.
No one wants to have someone else decide what to do or where to go and then end up pissed because it didn't suit what you wanted to do. If you have an idea in mind, I would like to hear it. Please don't leave me up to me to decide everything and then end up getting mad at me because it wasn't something you wanted to do, but didn't speak up about it. If I ask you what you want to do, it is because I actually want to know so I can help plan with you what to do.
Take turns deciding what to do or where to go. This will help save some frustration on both parts.
What about you? Do you like to leave it up to the other person to decide everything, or are you a 50/50 person? Why and why not?
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Comments (58)
You're supposed to be able to read her mind
more like 60m/40f
I will always take charge of everything, because I'm assertive and naturally someone that likes to take initiative. If they don't like it, then they will voice their opinion. Otherwise, I will just like to lead people around. Ironically after a while I get fed up of always doing the initiating and will just slowly cease to do anything at all.
If I'm going out with a guy for the first time, I like him to take charge. If I was dating the guy, yes, 50/50 works for me. If I had a guy who came to visit me then I would most likely take charge and ask him for his inputs and what he likes to do or eat. I'll plan that around our date.
Agreed. Unless you're a puppet, why let others decide everything for you? Are you still a child or something? Shit, even children aren't that weak and submissive. I am not the most talkative person of all time so I don't expect everyone to always know what I want, where I want to go etc. So I friggin tell him/her. I don't understand that passive aggressive shit. And I'd like him to do the same for me. Making all the decisions only to have the person have an annoyed look on their face when they could have simply spoke up is just irritating and immature to me. I would never put up with that and would never expect someone to deal with that when it came to me either. 50/50 all the way.
Of course that's bad. That's like excessive really. 50/50 all the time.
I'm not sure that what you are describing is chivalry. A relationship SHOULD be 50/50. A relationship takes work from both people. Anyone who thinks otherwise, will probably not have the most successful relationship because the one doing all the work will eventually get tired of it and leave.
Chivalry is more the idea of a man holding open a door for a women or paying for dinner on their date, and so on. But that doesn't mean that the woman can't do that from time to time either.
Rage For Love
Give and take, baby.
I think you missed the point of chivalry. It's not to about controlling people or figuring out things to do and sharing input.
@aotolife@xanga - I agree with you. However it's very rare that relationships end up being 50/50 because it's rare that the levels of interest from both parties are the exact same. The one who invests more in a relationship tends to be the one that values it more. Sure we like to think both partners value it equally but that's rarely the case.
I just order two pizzas and have one sent to her house and one sent to mine. I have them take hers first so she can pay for them. Hey 50/50, I ordered, she pays right?
@aotolife@xanga - Agreed.
I think it should be 60m/40f like another person posted above. However, I have no reasoning behind this. It just seems like the "normal" thing to do?
Not really sure how this correlates with chivalry, but I agree that both parties need to offer some input for the relationship to continue. Chivalry is about a lot more than just who plans and pays for the dates lol. I think the men should be the ones initiating things, yes, but once you two become exclusive the planning and funding responsibilities need to be shared.
I think if you're going to let someone decide what to do you have no right to be pissed about what you're doing. So when I want my guy to decide where to go, I'm happy to do it and if I realize I wanted to do another thing the next time I'll bring it up, but not be pissed at his decision and not reading my mind. Also this isn't really chivalry. But I tend to be an indecisive person so I like it when someone takes the initiative to just be like, hey let's do this and just go with it. I just need that type of person and am realistic about the fact that it may not always be what I want and I'm cool with that.
depends on the situation....for example, when it comes to going out to eat, i usually will let him decide so long as the menu has something more than steak and prime ribs (as long as it has burgers and/or salad and/or fries, im fine). Other things, it depends on the situation.
LOL yeah sorry bro, this doesn't describe chivalry at all, though, i completely get where you're coming from. i've actually picked up a good deal of knowledge on why, sometimes per se, women will refrain from voicing their opinions. in most cases... it's because they are afraid. afraid of getting yelled at like in their preceding relationships, afraid of omitting something that would, and i quote, "make the guy lose interest in her", thus playing it safe and staying quiet, afraid of hmmm i don't know, but i mean whatever the reason... i've learned patience with a woman will get you anything you strive for. she's looking for comfort and security in you. give that to her, and she'll begin to open up.
frustration on a guys part will only close up the girl more
I like taking turns deciding. Variety is always nice. ;) But on another note, when I think of chivalry, I don't think of it as who takes the initiative in the decision making. I think of it as a man being courteous and thoughtful to a woman's needs. Holding doors open, offering his coat when it's cold, suggesting go on a walk at the park & surprise her with a candlelit picnic when she's feeling down, etc..that's just my opinion. =)
I usually notice the guy's tone of voice. when he asks me for my opinion; does he sound friendly and mellow about it or does he sound condescending and mean, like he is asking just to be nice, yet he really hopes that I don't say anything because he already had plans in mind that he would like to do
@aotolife@xanga - @PseudoEuphoric@xanga - @aznxbuddha45@xanga - @Babieboo_Annie@xanga - Yeah, chivalry wasn't the right word in my first sentence, but again, like my last post, Datingish changed the title again. The original title was "Does the Guy Have to Do Everything?"
@laytexduckie@xanga - Oh. Okay..now that would've been a better suited title for this post then! lol Still an interesting post, nonetheless. =)
@aznxbuddha45@xanga - Omg your comment here is AWESOME.
@laytexduckie@xanga - Datingish always changes the title of my posts too! Sooo annoying haha!