Wednesday, 08 December 2010
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The Anatomy of a Female Crush
I wrote this based on the way I (as a straight female) develop crushes on guys. Tailor it to your own preferences based on whatever sex you're attracted to. I believe that sexual orientation doesn't affect how crushes develop. Lastly, this is different for everyone individually, so it will be interesting to see how similar or dissimilar we are in the way we crush on each other. :)
Stage 1: NoticingStage 1 is extremely brief and rarely occurs the first time you meet him. It usually takes two or three more times for you to begin to feel attraction. There may be something special about that person that just catches your eye and initiates the crush development process.
Stage 2: Infatuation
There are two subtypes of Stage 2 that can be "one or the other" or can coexist. The first one is digital infatuation, in which you pretty much turn into a stalker. This is especially likely to happen if you are Facebook friends with your crush. You will only wish you could study for finals the way you've studied up on his page. You know every kernel of information, every photo with which he has blessed Facebook. You know all the pages he likes, his quotes, the music he likes, who he is friends with.
The other subtype is reference infatuation. This occurs when you go to other people to find out more about him. For example, if you work with his sister, you are questioning her about him while trying to remain non-creepy. This questioning can expand to his friends as well. While it's important to be mature and avoid falling into the "tell him I like him" trap, it can help if they know you have feelings for him so they can bring it up in conversation without making it seem that they are being your messenger.
Stage 3: Reciprocal Attention
Stage 3 is a fork in the road because this means the other person has noticed you, usually in the form of conversations, texting, IMing or the like (but not solely digital--you must talk face to face as well!).These conversations will reoccur if he is interested in you, or they will not reoccur if he is not. Simple. This is when you've got his attention and things can go either way. This may also be his time to develop a crush on you if he has been unaware of your existence.
Outcome 1: Reciprocal Attraction
If you're lucky, this is where things really get fun. He clearly has a crush on you and you two will continue to talk and get to know each other. It isn't guaranteed that you will have a relationship, but it is likely.
Outcome 2: Unrequited Attraction
Unfortunately, Stage 3 can also lead to unrequited attraction and just freezes you at that point. It's a one-way crush, simply. There's nothing wrong with you but he just does not like you like that and likely never will. It's out of your control.
Remember that Outcome 2 CAN turn around---he may change his mind and begin to crush on you. But he may not. It's in your best interest to move on at this point and avoid pestering him since that will only reduce your chances even more. If he becomes interested, he will initiate a conversation with you and maybe things can go from there.
What is different or the same with YOUR method of crush development?
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- From: outlanddish@xanga
- Name: outlanddish
- About Me: I'm 18. I make surveys. I take surveys (but always give credit to the author). I make icons sometimes. I make quotes. Some days I treat is as a journal. I'm not making an introduction to this site, no rhyme or reason. It's just my way to relax and hopefully it's a place you'll want to visit.
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Comments (21)
Uh no way. I am a straight girl and step #2 doesn't exist for me. I talk to him... in person. I don't re-read his facebook page a thousand times and ask him friends about him. To me that sounds like what silly sophmore highschool girls do. :/
For me, I have to get past the "noticing" part as fast as possible with a girl and get her into the "infatuation" phase. I'm charming and funny, but not particularly good looking (unless you're REALLY into nerdy tattoos).
Its true! Outcome 2 CAN turn around. My fiance never noticed me until we were 2 years into being friends... I came to the point that I sort of knew it was pointless to crush on him cause he was clearly not ever going to be into me. But as I matured more I dyed my hair back to natural, lost some weight, and had a totally new perspective and outlook on life. Then one day out of the blue, he started noticing me. and now, we're getting married! hazaaa
I usually end up in the unrequited crush phase for some reason.
@DavesBride@xanga - congratulations!! ^^
Sometimes I end up liking someone and moving through the phases to reciprocal attraction, but instead of continuing to like them, it suddenly turns off and I find them increasingly more annoying and less attractive, especially the more I get to know them/more time I spend around them.
Very true, very true.
If the guy is interested, you will know :)
it is often instant attraction and when I hear his voice, I'm either more attracted or turned off, but my crushes often have no idea that I like them, because if he is someone from my class/work etc, I act like he doesn't exist, because I'm often too proud to let him know that I have feelings, which sometimes causes him to wonder why he is attractive, yet he hasn't caught me staring at him. then I might doll myself up in subtle ways to get him to notice me and ask about who I am
it becomes a passive aggressive flirting game. I usually don't really want anything out of it and actually like it to remain a mysteriously intriguing crush. when I want more, then I make more bold moves.
Really?
@DavesBride@xanga - Now THAT is awesome! Congrats.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - "passive aggressive flirting" is an interesting way to put it. And same here; I'd act like he doesn't exist b/c of my pride. At least it's better than making it obvious and coming on too strong.
Interesting theory...
@DavesBride - Congrats & all, but he should have loved you for you before you lost the weight, etc. Sorry, but the fact that he only started like you after your makeover is kind of messed up, no?
@swimtothemoon7@xanga - Not really, in my opinion. Relationships are typically based on three concepts: passion, intimacy, and commitment. He may have had the intimacy part with her already (obviously through the friendship), and perhaps even a form of commitment (best friends, always being around her, perhaps vowing to always be there for her as a friend). For a lot of people, those two things alone aren't enough to begin a relationship. They need the last thing, which is passion. She may have been really pretty before her transformation, but obviously that transformation changed her self-esteem.
Usually low self-esteem makes it hard for people to imagine themselves in a relationship with someone because it's hard to have passion there. If she started carrying herself differently, I see no reason why he'd be shallow to notice that. Personally, I'd like to begin dating someone who has as few mental/emotional problems as possible (less baggage) because I know in the long run, there will be less to worry about and try to stumble over. A stronger person means a stronger relationship.
not very likely on my case. but a decent theory i guess??
I haven't had a "crush" on a guy that 1) didn't ask me out, 2) i didn't ask him out, since I was in high school. sure, back then I had at least 4 guys and facebook wasn't in existence! (damn, that makes me sound ancient!)
Usually, interacting with someone in a public/social setting makes me notice him. Generally, if I can make eye contact without slouching or him on a step (i'm 5ft10, with heels on I'm nearly 6ft), his body posture/body/stature is not fat/chunky/or rail thin, and he apparently isn't a case of David Beckham (high pitched voice), then I'd notice him. If the conversation keeps dying, I won't be intersted because it just shows right from the top we're having issues in communication and I need to have that line open and available for me to even take an interest. So yeah, I tend to be pretty superficial, if I don't notice him from the start, then I won't. I won't even remember (I meet a lot of people in such events) who he is and where he's from, if the conversation died after a minute. If the conversational chemistry was great, he'd ask me out or add me via msn/facebook or just my number. We'd talk on the phone, talk about each other's upbringings, value systems, dreams and etc... eventually as we get to know each other. From then on, I'd either ask him out to coffee or he would have taken a cue and set up a dinner within the week or so of talking on the phone. Physical chemistry, humor, religion or lack there of, family relationships, dreams, likes, dislikes... will all come into play but generally, after ONE date, I usually know.
If I want to keep dating him, then I would cut (if there were any others) other guys out, so I don't have to schedule him last minute and juggle my time. If I don't, I'd just segway to another friendship lift off and be that. Crushes generally happen because neither parties want to actually cut the bullshit and the text type messages that makes it hard to read the other person's intentions, for whatever insecurity/agenda they might have. I don't have time to waste on mind games, courtships and wooing is one thing... trying to play something on my head so you know I actually want you...is crap.
I refuse to friend any guy I like on Facebook because I don't want to "stalk" him or even see his comings and goings on my News Feed. I prefer to hang out with a guy and get to know him that way.
this is the exact same way it happens to me haha
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - Happens to me 99% of the time, in a way it kind of sucks.
Well, usually, we meet, we talk, we spend more and more time together and eventually he asks me out after I almost litereally scream in his ear that I like him and want to go out with him. However this last time I saw him at the beggining of the semester in the one class we share. I didn't think much of it then, but my eyes followed him a quite a bit, I didn't think I liked him, I didn't even know him since I figured I was simply curious how he and an an old class mate of mine knew eachother. Then one day we met at a blood drive. He was volunteering and I was donating blood. As my friend and I were leaving, he insised on making sure I didn't run, because apparently people who donate have suffered too much blood loss to do anything... The three of us walked around talking about stupid things that people do and good vantage points (for sniping). When it came time to head for English, My friend and I seperated, but this guy I had just met walked with me a little farther on my way to class until walking away. It was here that I started knowticing things about him, where he hung out and with who. One day, he wrote me a letter saying that he would like to get to know me better and gave me his number. I couldn't call him, but gave him my email that following monday. After emailing for a little while and hanging out at school. We grew to know eachother rather well in a short amount of time. Eventually he asked me out and we are now happily engaged. =) I did not research him at all. O.O That was weird for me.
That was a lot of words.
too bad i always end up in outcome 2 :(
ugh i hate the infatuation part..*shrug*