Tonight I officially let go of a two year relationship, and I can say that the ending is bittersweet. The ex-boyfriend in question never treated me very well or appreciated me. The last few months had been on again, off again, and with every off I became less and less interested.
But the fact of the matter is, that I did love him. Very truly. For him I was more honest and loyal than I ever have been with any human being. But perhaps it was this devotion that led to him being so careless with me. I lost so much of myself in trying to be perfect for him, and I realized I kept going back as a means of justifying my own sacrifices.
Saying good-bye was hard not because I wanted to stay together, but because it meant accepting that for all of my efforts, the relationship didn't work. I understand that I could not carry this on my own, and that I"m better off now. There is undoubtedly a sense of relief but still, it hurts. And it probably will for a long time.
For this reason I ask: what was your hardest break-up? If and when were you able to just let go and move on?
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i wanted to...
less interested bc of of bad choice of words...tired of being announced of facebook...tired of being embarrassed, rather than deal with personal issues with each other...I can relate to this post so much, I actually feel like it is something that I could have written. Recently my relationship ended with someone who I truly loved and I was just like you, so extremely loyal and honest and giving of myself but he was a taker- and he took me for granted and didn't treat me how I deserved to be treated.
Good for you for realizing that it is time to take the next step to let go and move on to bigger and better things in your life.
You're right, it's going to hurt for a while. and it's going to take some time to work through everything in your head. You can do this and you can come out of all of this a stronger, happier and independent wonderful woman :) Just take time for yourself, acknowledge your feelings, if you're sad- it's ok to cry, but don't dwell on sad feelings because they will only hold you back. Sometimes I have found a journal (or blog) really helped! and just surrounding yourself with people who truly care about you and appreciate you! Now is the time to connect with some girlfriends that you may have lost touch with or hang out with your family, and also to really get to know yourself.
Hang in there hun, I wish you the best!
xoxo
I'm in a similar spot at the moment. I'm freshly out of a three year relationship and still coming to terms with the fact that despite my best efforts, I'm not enough. I can't carry this relationship on my own and I'm tired of being exhausted and frustrated from giving everything to someone who can't seem to give me ANYTHING in return. If I had done something to push him away then I may understand it, but this time I honestly tried to make this work. For so long I have done everything I can to be perfect for him. I have loved him completely and unconditionally and have not asked for anything more than just unconditional love in return. We were so perfect for so long--and now it's as though he woke up one day and decided he didn't want this life anymore. At a certain point, I had to wake up and realize that I wasn't going to get what I needed from him. I had no choice but to leave for the sake of my sanity, but it hurts like hell.
My first one. Until my current boyfriend, Ive only been in one relationship in my life, my high school boyfriend who I dated from the time I was 17 till I was about 21. He, at the time, was my entire universe. I spent every waking second I wasnt in class with him (shit I even skipped class sometimes) because I just wanted to be right for him. Slowly though, I realized I wanted to be my true self more than live up to this image he had of his perfect girlfriend. Anime chick, really athletic and could keep up with him physically, outgoing, sexually vivacious and ready for anything. Unfortuneately, thats not me. I had to come to terms with thats what he wanted, when I just wanted to be me and have him love me for that. He still writes to me about how much he misses me and what mistakes he made (he still wont say hes sorry for cheating on me, just for how badly it hurt me). I cant be with someone who would rather fuck an image than fuck the woman who actually loved him despite his flaws. Dont get me wrong, I fucked up too when I got complacent and just stopped trying to do things with him. I was whiny and ungrateful at times as well. I just cannot be myself around him anymore and knowing that, seeing where Ive been, hurts the most.
My first breakup. I fell in love before leaving for college (quite foolishly) but I never gained true closure about the relationship when things ended, and there's still a lot of unresolved conflict in my mind.
I'm glad you are moving on from this experience with your head intact; you seem like a wonderful person :)
It's good that you can let go of a relationship when you see it's wrong. That means that you are independent and smart enough to know what's good for you. Good for you! This isn't the end, its the beginning love!
My last one. We were together for a total of 5 years, married for 4 of those. We're not technically divorced yet, but the relationship is over. He decided I wasn't worth putting in the work that a marriage requires. I wasn't a perfect wife by any means. My depression kept me down a lot, and it got much worse the longer we were together. He didn't help it any. He was actually very mean about it, with accusations of faking and being lazy. I did everything I could for him, and stood by him when he was having trouble, and he couldn't (or wouldn't) do the same for me. Giving up has been hard, because for a long time I was trying to fix our problems, and I thought he was too. When I found out he was lying, it got a lot easier to walk away. It still hurts (we've only been apart about 2 months) and I imagine it will for a long time. But I know I'm better off without him, and I'm sure you're better off without this boyfriend. As hard as it'll be, you'll pull through, and be better and stronger for it.
Sadly my hardest breakup was a year ago. We dated for 6 months. He verbally abused me and cheated on me. Because of that he broke me down, and instead of getting stronger and leaving I grew weak, very weak and I stayed. He finally ended things after Thanksgiving last year.
It nearly killed me.....literally, I tried to commit suicide I was so very lost and insecure and just.....I don't know. I thought everything in the world was wrong with me after him. He truly did break me.
I cried every day for months. The holidays sucked. But through talking with family and friends I began to remember who I was. They forced me to remember that all the bad things FAR outweighed the good in our relationship and I was better off without him in my life, sooner or later I started to believe it.
I wouldn't even talk to him now, let alone take him back or even invite him in my life as a friend.
that is exactly what happened to my last relationship... it really did hurt... i just kept myself busy, and eventually new people were brought into my life that treated me so much better.
my hardest break-up... well, i was in a relationship with a guy and even though it was only for eight months, it really took a toll on me. i lived for him, i depended on him, and i thought that i needed him in order to be happy because there was so much going on in my life, some of it even perpetuated by him, that i sought stability and ended up finding the exact opposite. when we finally broke up, i was devastated... and even though it has been over two years, it still kills me to know that we won't be together again.
but, meh. i've learned i can be on my own, i'm a strong independent woman, blah blah blah.My hardest break up would be leaving my ex-husband. It was the hardest thing I had to do, but it was also the best thing I did for myself. I also lost myself trying to be someone else for him, so he could love - but at the end, it seems like I wasn't enough for him. It just makes me realized that I also deserve happiness and I deserved better. Best decision I ever made and I'm glad I did.
I think my hardest breakup truly was with my ex, and even then it wasn't goodbye forever. We were off and on for about 2 years..and my ex did the same like your ex. And when I broke up with him for good this year..I had no regrets..I didn't feel sad about it. I thought it was about time.
My hardest break-up was my last major one. We had been dating about 8 months, which was actually long for me. I did the same thing as you - devoted myself to him completely. I never spoke a word of lies to him, I was sure to be honest and straight-forward with him, which he asked for in the beginning. But it also led to him being careless with me, he knew I would never do anything to hurt him - so he took it upon himself to act out and do everything he always wanted to do without any consequence. It was hard when he finally ended it (I guess he got tired of a girl being faithful, and even through all the bad days, a girl that would still do his laundry and even fold his flippin' underwear) it took me months to feel normal. I literally kept telling everyone I was going to be okay, but that I would "never be able to love again" because he ended it in such a cruel way, and so much of my good faith and hopes were lost. With several months, and being courted (yes, really, courted) by a new and better guy, I started to feel like myself again, and was able to be that kind, caring, true person I was before with the bad guy. It just takes time, everyone is different, and you definitely have to lose contact with the bad ex before you can move on. During the weeks we still spoke, it was immensely harder to feel normal and move on.
Well, I have only had one breakup which happened back in October. It was a 10 month relationship which got way too serious way too fast, but it wasn't hard for me to move on because it knew that the breakup was for the best, and that I deserved so so so much better than an emotionally/mentally abusive boyfriend.
I can't believe how happy I have been since he's been out of my life. I am so hopeful for new, greater things. :)
THis is like, my life. I was with a guy for 2 years, my first love, and he broke up with me lke 4 times in that period. He didn't appreciate me I don't think. He'd coem back after he realized he was lonely. I was naive and toook him back every time. Then one day we were fighting and I thought he was going to break up with me, so I asked if he was, and he said he "didn't care". So I broke up with him that time. I knew in my heart it was over and that it had been for a while now. The on again off again wasn't working and he treated me horribly, like a punching bag. He also slightly verbally abused me, calling me a snob all the time. I know I'm better off without him. It's a learning experience.
I was young and silly and 17. We were together for three months, very naive and in love, and then she suddenly broke it off over AIM. Inexperienced as we both were with things like that, it was difficult to know what to do. I felt a bit hollow for the next couple of months; it would not have been so bad had she not strung me along and had I not allowed myself to be strung along. In the end, I found myself extremely emotionally drained, but I came out of it alright. I realized that although teenagers often get themselves wrapped up in intense emotional situations, neither of us was ready to take on something like that. On top of that, she had some pretty serious personal issues that she couldn't help. It was definitely my worst breakup. My recent breakup with my ex-wife, however, was one of the most surprisingly pleasant experiences of my life :)
Thank you all so much for your honest, empathetic stories. It's good to know that I'm not alone, and I hope you all can take from each other the very real, sound advice you're all giving one another here. A toast to us all finding true happiness again, with whomever that may be.
@sugarxspeaks@xanga - i agree ^^ it takes much resilient courage to open up about a devastating past. i truly feel for all of you, and commend those of you keeping your chin up.
i'm also still excruciatingly hurting from my previous 5 year relationship, and there is no trick to "getting over" everything. it just takes time... and possibly a new interest. (new person, new hobby, etc... get creative)
My hardest break up was my last one, considering it was like the 4th official one with the same guy of 3 years. He put me through so much.... I mean I wasn't perfect either, but he did a lot of crappy things to me first and childishly I reciprocated later on... but in general, I tried to forgive him for stuff and the second longest break up with him, I had accepted that he was gone and was wishing him well and getting on with my life... when he came back.
And now it's been two years since then. We got back together and stayed together for almost a year, had a ton of plans... yeah obviously that didn't work out. It's just harder now because I feel betrayed. I guess I feel similarly to you too though... I kept feeling less and less interested after a while because it was always the same, he'd hurt me, I'd hurt him back, we'd both try to make up for our mistakes(but whoever was still mad wouldn't care)... and it'd keep cycling
justI wanted the cycle to stop, but at the same time I wanted him and wanted all of my efforts to mean something, like you seem to have mentioned..? I put so much in and I thought we'd be able to stop the hurt without breaking up, but in the end, I just ended up alone again, ten times more disappointed and confused... I still feel a little hurt about everything, faintly still hurt by the past and by the most recent cut, but it doesn't interfere with my life or happiness anymore.
You feel relief? I'd say that's quick progress compared to me... I'm
feeling relief about it all, and happy to be single. Just treasure the good moments, but remember why the bad moments caused it to finally just end. It'll hopefully keep your mind from going into overdrive.
I'm moved on in the sense that I know that he was always going to be the first love...& i will never completely move on, ive come to accept that this is the farthest of content that i will be with the OUTCOME of the relationship. i tried so hard as well, for what seemed like nothing. keep your chin up. you are going to be fine.
thanks for sharing, though, it must be difficult to open up and own the fact you broke up. i guess almost everyone goes through it and experience different levels of pain and hardship. doing whatever that you feel is right for your body and mind is what i learned to be most important for yourself by learning from people around me. i guess it is always difficult to have a closure because it never really meant i closed the door to helping him out when he really, really, needed it, but it is closure to a relationship that makes me feel whatever life i had with him can be spent on things or people i care about.
Wow, I totally know how you feel.
This last year I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years... same story, plus or minus a few issues. That was my hardest breakup, by far. We're both dating other people now. There's hope. Don't worry. -hug-
god, story of my life.
my ex and i for almost two years broke up about a month ago.
we were a really on and off couple - for good reasons, though.
he had a drug problem that he was on and off about and i pretty much had strong ethics concerning those kind of issues.
either way, we didn't work out and i continuously question if there were other ways or if i did things differently it might have worked out.
either way, we both understand it was an extremely unhealthy relationship with a ton of trust issues cause of his constantly lying and behavioral changes whenever he got back into drugs.
eep. i hope you're coping well!
Saying goodbye is never easy, especially when you have so much history with someone. But if you feel like they're not right for you, then it's time to move on. This goes for friends too. Sometimes people were only meant to stay in your life for a certain amount of time, but you try to hang on to them because it's hard to let go.
Your 2 year relationship with him was a "sunk cost." Whether you decide to stay with him or break up with him, you will still have spent those 2 years with him. Don't ever regret it, because at one point in time it was exactly what you wanted. Appreciate them for being in your life and carry those memories and lessons with you wherever life takes you.
Wow, thank you for sharing this, I too have just ended and recent 2 year realtionship.. Stay strong I know its hard and I am going through the same thing.