Tuesday, 07 December 2010
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How Much Is Too Much For A Wedding Ring?
My fiancee and I have been dating for about 3 years now, since college. We're planning on getting married sometime next year, as soon as I'm done with grad school.
Now, our financial situation is not luckily uptight, but it is not extremely flexible either.
I am currently in grad school, but do have a full-time job in a lab, which I earned approximately $55k a year. He has two jobs as a IT technician and a bartender in the weekend, so he earns about $50k a year.
As we were talking about marriage, I told him that, I do want a nice ring around 2.0-4.0 carat and I'm willing to help him with financing it. And we're aiming spend around $5k-$7k on that wedding ring.
However, my girlfriends told me that I should not have asked my fiancee for a bigger ring and worse than that, asked to help him paying it. They think it's demeaning and insulting for any man's ego.Is what I have done right or wrong? How much did you spend on your wedding/engagement ring? How much is too much?
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- From: SexAndMilk
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Comments (133)
The guideline is 3 months salary, which sounds reasonable even if it was set by the diamond industry.
I would feel bad if someone gave me an engagement ring, because I wouldn't wear it. I'd be afraid of damaging it, and I can't wear rings at work. I would constantly be taking it off and putting it back on.
Just make sure it's not a blood diamond.
Well it's up to you and your relationship. If you guys are the type that can feel comfortable saying "I want more" to each other then it's fine.
Me personally though? I'd feel a little rude if I rejected an engagement ring that my boyfriend spent forever looking for and hours working to afford and saying "It's not right. I wish it was bigger."My husband is super traditional and he would have been really upset at the thought of me helping him finance a ring let alone telling him the size of the ring I want. The engagement ring I got cost less than $1000 and I fell head over heels in love with it at first sight! An engagement isn't about the ring, but about what the ring symbolizes :) Personally, I think you shouldn't have said what you said. For being together for 3 years, I'm sure your fiance knows you well enough to know what type of ring you'd like. Just be happy with what you get :)
I had a friend who got half a carat from her fiance and promptly upgraded to a full carat since she had the money to do so. He wasn't happy, but I'm sure he eventually got over it.
My husband asked what kind of ring/diamond I was interested in before he bought my engagment ring. He spent about 7k on my engagement and wedding rings...and my 1.3 carat diamond is still smaller than my mom's, sister's, and cousins'.
I don't think there's a set point that's "too expensive," but I would never feel comfortable telling anyone who wanted to give me a gift (and that's what an engagement ring is... a gift with a promise attached) that I would only want one that was a certain size and/or cost a certain amount of money. It seems materialistic and shallow to me. I have a white gold 1/2 carat solitaire and a white gold plain wedding band to go with it. It's not what I would have chosen myself, but I certainly wouldn't ever tell him that. The promise that it symbolizes, to stay together through everything our lives might throw at us, is the important thing to me.
There is a set point at too expensive. I mean if the guy can't afford a 10,000$ ring don't expect a 10k$ ring. Tradition is 3 months and sometimes 4 months salary on the ring. Helping him pay for it is a nice thing but I'm a very traditional person and I wouldn't like to pay for something that he's getting me to express that he wants to be with ME for the rest of his life and that i'm his everything. But if you're the type of couple that doesn't see that as a huge deal then helping him pay for it is okay. Again, don't go asking for a 10k ring if you two can't afford it. My cousins husband proposed to her 5 years ago and they've been married for 3 almost 4 years. He used the money he was saving for his motorcycle to buy her ring which was 10k. He then proposed and said "don't lose it because this money was for my motorcycle originally and it would take me a long time to save up again." As you can see, he couldn't afford it in the first place and he ended up buying it and was rude about it. And the ring was ugly so yeah he did a nice job.
I would have to agree with your friends when they sad it's demeaning and insulting to your man's ego telling him what you want. If your SO is fine with you helping to pay for part of the cost, that is fine. Hey, you're just being considerate (: If I was my boyfriend I wouldn't be too happy if I were told exactly what I want. Only because I trust their best judgement and they pick out things for me that they think will suit me.
@twenty_twenty_surgery - agreed. I'm guessing the 3 month/4 month salary is paying off the ring correct? I know nothing about these things..but hope to get married later in life. It's nice to know a thing or two..
i picked out the ring i liked for my guy, it's $900. it's half a carat. plenty big enough. i feel like people put far too much emphasis on the ring and not enough on the meaning
i think if you and him are both comfortable with that arrangement, then it's fine, and you should be able to tell him what you want.
Personally, I think that's outrageous! I have a beautiful 1.5 carat diamond engagement ring that I LOVE! Hubby spent a touch over $2K on it. He went to one of those design-it-yourself store and (obviously) designed it himself. He did a great job! I would not have wanted him to spend more than that on it.
But, if your arrangement works for the two of you, then good.
I don't know where you're from, but in Canada, there's no way you'll get a 2-4 carat diamond for $5-7 thousand, unless you're looking at seriously flawed diamonds, very discoloured and poorly cut... and even so, you're still looking at way more than $5-7. If you can get high quality diamonds for that price in other countries though, someone let me know...
@SeeBeeWrite@xanga - exactly how i feel verbatim!!!! :)
Selfish much? He goes and tries finding you the perfect ring and you ask for another one thats bigger and more expensive? >:( Poor guy.... I mean, its just a ring...I would rather spend that money on a house...car..or something useful.
doesn't matter as long as its pretty
@Hinase@xanga - yeah usually the money the guy saves from those 3 or 4 months should pay off the ring when he goes to buy it. no one taught me anything so i had to look everything up when i was a little younger cause i was super interested haha
My ring is nothing grand, but I love my ring and I would actually smack my fiance upside the head if he were to go and try and replace it with a bigger, better ring and would refuse to wear it. However, that's just me, I suppose.
@twenty_twenty_surgery - Thank you =) I really appreciate you telling me this..haha It's good to know these things to be better prepared =)
I'd feel like a real bitch if I told my boyfriend what I "expected" in an engagement ring. He's asked me what I think is an appropriate carat size, and I honestly told him anything over a carat looks ridiculous on my fingers (which are long & thin). I don't expect a full carat, and I would certainly NEVER offer to help him pay for it. He parks so my car door is closest to the house/where ever door so I don't have to be out in the rain/snow/cold any longer than necessary. He won't let me carry things (despite the fact he knows I can), and has actually become upset when I try to lift heavy bags. He does lots of gentlemanly (chivalrous) things, and I'm sure he'd be utterly offended if I asked for a bigger ring and also offered to help him pay for it. I am 100% confident whatever he picks out will be absolutely perfect in my eyes. To hell with what others think!! (Which is really where the whole "OMG, her ring is bigger than mine!" BS comes from, right?)
That's just how WE work, though. Not saying other couples wouldn't be able to operate differently and have it work out really well.
As for as how much is too much - it's all relative, really. I would really feel awful if he took out a huge loan or something to buy me some monster of a ring because he felt pressured to do.
Depends on the girl I guess, and financial stability. Myself I would not want one more than $500.
My fiance straight up asked me "do you want the diamond reset in something different? something more, larger, anything?" I told him no. I love my engagement ring, it's simple and it's me. But for my wedding band? that's a different story. I want it sparkly and awesome.
Honestly, make sure, make certain, that he is okay with you getting something different, bigger, whatever you want. If he has reservations, it's important that you think about it first! Would it hurt his feelings if you did get a bigger/better/different one, even if you helped pay for it? Does it come in a set with the wedding band with it? Can you get him something that matches the set/ring you buy?
i'm old school.
i want the guy to pick it out & make any major decisions about cost or appearance.
i want to be completelyyy surprised, bc itll mean more to me if he makes those decisions on his own.
That being said... if a guy spent more then $1000 on a ring for me I might feel inclined to tell him to take it back and get something less expensive. Basically because i'm rather poor and would recognize that that money would be greatly needed by a couple of broke newlyweds.
I don't have a standard price but I'd like something limited edition, a ring that is rare and something that only like 10 people in the entire world owns or I mean that he goes out of his way to get it for me, not necessarily expensive, but a ring that makes me feel special. or a traditional vintage ring that was passed down from past generations would be great. it is up to him to choose.
how are you girls getting 1.5 or 2+ carat rings for under 10k? I would love to know as well...
My fiance worked with a designer in Australia for months for my ring (and over 6 months before he gave it to me), it was nothing like what I expected or talked about what I wanted but I absolutely love it - he somehow managed to make it classic yet utterly unique (+ pink!)
Wedding rings are nice but the size doesn't matter. As long as it had a good cut and all that jazz.. any who, I say spend some of that money on a honeymoon. Memories go a further than a wedding ring.