Tuesday, 07 December 2010
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Just a Quickie: How Long Should You Wait to Pop the Question?
After seeing the responses from "Promise Rings are Immature" it got me thinking: what is considered the average amount of time a people are in a relationship when marriage should be expected?
Some people I know they expect to be proposed to within 1 year. Others, they've been together for 6+ years and don't feel marriage is necessary.I guess it could all be up to people's feelings on marriage. But there has to be a stereotype, an average, an expectation when it comes to those that DO believe in marriage and how long it should take to be proposed to.
Any thoughts/feelings?
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- From: Thumper49047@xanga
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Comments (81)
I don't think that there is a right or wrong time period to be engaged/married. It depends on the people in the relationship and what they need, want, think on marriage, and where the relationship is. For me and my hubby, we knew that we wanted to get married after just a few months of being together. He gave me a promise ring after 5 months, and we got engaged after 16 months. We had an engagement of 3 years, but would've been married sooner if it wasn't for unfortunate circumstances.
At least a year, however, I suppose it could be less if you have known each other forever or something....
I got engaged at around 2 years, which I considered the perfect time because I was comfortable with my relationship, my guy, and everything in between. Personally, I don't know if I could get engaged after a few months, it just seems like something is being rushed and that the two involved may not know each other all that well. But to each their own, all relationships work differently!
A lot of it is contingent on age and whether or not the people are ready for marriage. I am not going to pretend that the right person exists, because most people have a tendency to think whoever we are dating is "the one."
That is why I would want to date a person for at least four years before getting married, because I figure by that, as couple, we have been through it all.
I think getting married before 10 months is foolish, but it works in rare circumstances.
I don't think there's a set time period to be engaged. It's whenever you feel ready. I know people who got engaged before the 1 year mark and others who have been together for 10+ years and still don't feel ready.
i think it depends on the people
obviously it depends on the people and the relationship... personally dating over 5 years without a proposal sounds like too long for me. but really it could depend on the relationship and what each person's 'goals' relationship-wise are... some people aren't looking to get married and have a family, and being 'in a relationship' but not married works better for what they're trying to do.
Also depends on the age of the people. Most people who are younger end up dating longer if they're still in college etc before getting married, whereas people older feel they are more ready to get married sooner if the right person comes along so they may not wait as long.
It depends on the age and maturity of the couple. I'm a little bit biased having been in a relationship for 5.5 years, but we're also only twenty. I am not expecting a proposal until we're at least both 21...but even then, realistically, he'll probably wait until we both graduate with our bachelor's. I know we won't get married until after we both graduate anyway. I would, ideally, like to get married between 22-24.
i think it depends.
that being said, my SO and i did some research and found out that (in terms of biochemistry) the honeymoon stage ends typically after a few years. that's why divorces tend to happen so early in a relationship. so we will not be getting married until we're sure we can handle the rough parts of marriage as easily as the smooth ones.
My older brother and my sister-in-law dated for four months and my brother popped the question. They have been married for nine years now. My brother-in-law and twin sister dated over less than a year and he popped the question. They have been married for four years now. My husband and I dated for two months and he popped the question. We've been married for nine months now. My dad and mom never had gone out on an actual date, but they have talked on the phone a few times before my mom got hitched. They've been married for 30+ years now.
When you know it's right, it's right. It really does depend on each individual.
Depends on the age/maturity level of the people in question.
If we're talking about people in a high school relationship, I feel that they should wait until they're at least out of high school and dating 6 months to a year in "the real world" or college before getting engaged. People college aged and older, well it's really at their discretion, although I feel that dating for at least a year is generally a good rule of thumb to follow.
However, you also have to take into account that engagements aren't always brief periods of time either. So, even if someone popped the question 6 months into a relationship, their engagement could last for another year or more while they pony up funds, venues, entertainment, garments, food, etc.
Personally, I'd probably feel a bit unsettled if I was more than 3 years into a relationship and there was still no talk of a more permanent future. Likewise, I'd also be a bit disturbed if I was only 6 months into a relationship and he was already talking about settling down.
Im pretty much engaged, jst waiting on the ring because of financial reasons,and we've been together for 2+ years.
I say staying in a relationship 3+ yrs without knowing if you guys want a future together or not isn't a good idea. Why stay in a 5 year relationship if you don't know what your plans are?(Unless you both plan on not marrying,but from both sides)
Not less than 1 year in any relationship.
1-2 years. Depending on the connection, circumstances, etc. The question does not equal immediate marriage, so just being engaged should happen within 1-2 years. I personally wouldn't want to be engaged to someone I didn't know at all after a year, but if I knew him previously or he was my friend or something then a year is plenty.
yes, i think at least a year is right for most people. in my case, he's a marine, and he gave me the promise ring after 6 months, but he didn't know when he'd be able to come home again. and he was gone such a long time that the promise ring turned into the engagement ring. but we didn't get married til a year after that. i would have waited a few years if he had wanted to. but he wanted to get married right away and i knew i'd marry him eventually, so why wait? although EVERYONE thought i was pregnant. fooled them, huh?
I was engaged and married in about 4 months. My sister, on the other hand, was dating for 8 years, before she got engaged. And, 3 months after the engagement, they were married.
Here's the thing, I'm so sick and tired of "this is the appropriate amount of time you need to date before you get married" set by a "majority". No, there is no appropriate amount of time. Just do what you want. It's your life, you make the decisions. People can think I got married too soon. Get over it. People can think my sister should have been married sooner (and believe me, they did). Get over it. Who freaking cares what other people do? Geez. The only expectation set, should be by the people in the relationship, not what everyone around them feels is "appropriate".
It depends on the type of people you and your boyfriend/girlfriend are. Some people pop the question insanely fast (less than a year), while others wait for an extended amount of time (over a year and up to 10 years in some cases). Some don't feel the need to get married and live in eternal comfortableness of not wearing bulky rings, but deal with the critics of society (but who really cares about the critics anyway?)
I've always wished to get proposed to after a long relationship, after two years, and have a quick engagement, less than 1.5 years. I would love to arrange a 6 month engagement, just to hear what others have to say about it (pregnancy rumors anyone?). My boyfriend and I have also been going back and forth between eloping and getting married when we're financially stable.
My best friend from high school got proposed to in 8 months, but her mother wouldn't let her say yes. They just broke up after 2 and a half years of dating.
It's really the type of person you are and what type of person your SO is. =) There's no set time, except the one day when you do get proposed to, or the one day where you register as married without the large drunk party.
There really is no right or wrong time to pop the question. It just depends upon what you're both looking for in the relationship and where you are in your relationship. My fiance popped the question nearly two years after we started dating; my dad popped the question to my mom after only one year, and yes they are still married 27 years later; my pastor popped the question to his wife within a couple of months, and they're still married several years later.
it depends on the person. my husband proposed to me after 3 months :) that was 3 years ago. yeah sure we have rough patches, but we get through them because we work together to get through them. i also met an old couple 2 years ago who were celebrating their like...50th or 60th anniversary. He proposed to this woman 2 weeks after meeting her :) and you could tell they were still in love. it was super sweet.
I think you both of you should habe a good idea of the direction the relationship is going after about a year but that doesnt necessarily mean that a good time to get hitched.
Like the choice of marriage itself, to stay in the marriage is a choice.
The matter at hand is commitment and the will to work through everything, no matter what.
Whether a couple realizes this after 2 months or 20 years, it's right.
My husband and I knew we were getting married 3 months into the relationship. However, he would't officially propose until we had been dating a year because of his family.
I have a couple friends who got married 4 weeks after they started dating.
When you know, you know.
@mrsclark11@xanga - couldn't agree more.