Nope, this isn't a post of how to make LDR work. This is a post about LDR itself and the role that fate plays in it.
To those that were in or are in a LDR relationship, have you ever wondered WHY fate, God, whoever, or whatever put you in such a great distance between you and your loved one?
What is the reason for that? If it is fate that made you two meet and fall in love, why are they placed so far? Is this just a torture game of a higher being for amusement?
Here's my story:
Today, I drove a total of 8 hours. Four hours to the city that my SO lives in, and four hours back to my city. It is very tiring indeed. Why don't I just stay the weekend there some of you might wonder. Well, it's not exactly an option right now due to circumstances (but that's another story). Anyways, on my drive back, I was wondering why did God put this 260 miles between us.
We met when I was 16 and he was 20 at a wedding. I'm 20 right now so that's 4 years ago. And it was interest at first sight. We talked every day for a couple of months after that while being in different cities. Then drifted apart for a couple of months because HE was skeptical on the long distance thing and decided that it probably wasn't a good idea to try it out. During this time, I went out with my first boyfriend despite the feelings I had for him.
When we started talking again, I decided it was unfair to my current boyfriend so I broke up with him (it was just a month) and began talking to the first guy again. Again with a couple more months of talk and one or two very short visits, he finally asked me to be his girlfriend (it's been a year since we've met).
Aside from the great times, there were so many fights (mostly cause I was childish and he was stubborn), and we ended breaking up. We loved each other dearly, but it was really hard. We blamed it on the distance. We only saw each other twice for the 6 months that we were together.
After the break up, he did not speak to me at all. My first love was gone, and I was heartbroken, my first heartbreak. I thought it was really over. But about half a year, I bounced back and dated someone else for around 6 months. I always had my reserves for this new guy (which is why it only lasted 6 months) cause my heart tells me that I still miss my first love. He also dated someone else for 6 months but they also broke up.
And somehow we started talking to each other again after a whole year of silence and find out that we still really miss each other after all this time, even when we were with someone else. Our feelings for each other never lessened, it just continues to grow. I don't think we will ever be done with each other.
This second time around is better since we can drive to visit each other now, but it is still very tiring, and we do still get into fights sometimes. Which makes me question the 260 miles between us. We've talked about plans of the future and how we will handle the distance. Nothing seems to work out though, which makes me very insecure and pessimistic about the future.
Why is that? Why let two people meet and fall in love and then separate them? Isn't that just a little bit cruel? Does anyone have an explanation for this? Or think they do? I would love to hear it so I can get some peace of mind about life.
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I am 1,000 miles from my boyfriend to go to school that will further my chances of getting the career I want. We ended up becoming separated due to other circumstances, but we still talk and want to get back together soon. Some of my friends who don't put much work into relationships say that the distance happening is clearly a sign that he and I aren't met for each other. I disagree. I think that I still had some self-development to figure out, and fate determined that I got into a school in a town that I LOVE and I think that this distance will either work itself out in terms of our relationship, or not, but either way I will be more sure of myself.
Seeing him every three months or so is absolutely awful and I'll admit there are some very tough times. But all I know is that I love him, he loves me, and whatever happens, I'll be OK.
God luck, and I am interested to read other comments.
My boyfriend and I made it one year while I was away at school half way across the country. He came to visit me twice and I came home during breaks, so I saw him 5 times during the school year, including christmas break which was a month so that was lovely. I decided to transfer closer to home for my sophomore year, not only because of him but I can't pretend that wasn't at least one of the many reasons.
Honestly, what got me through the days when I missed him the most was actually having a set date that I could look forward to of when I would see him next. I'm not sure I could really handle not knowing that or not even knowing that we'd ever live closer. I love him a lot and I know we would have tried, I just don't really know if we would have stayed together constantly growing further apart over the years of being so far away from each other.
Ours was our choice; I wouldn't have been happy at his school, and he wouldn't have been happy at mine. I think there were probably lessons to get out of it, and I'm glad we did. Four years later, we're in the same city for grad school. Our relationship is so much stronger because of the distance.
My story is pretty much the exact same as yours. He lives in Texas and I live in California, I'm not sure how many miles it is, but it's definitely too far haha. When we started dating the second time it was only 6 months of long distance until I gave him an ultimatum of moving down here or we would have to break up. We were going through a really rough patch and I don't think our relationship would have survived, besides I was working and going to school and he was doing neither so it made more sense for him to move out here. He moved back a few months ago after being here for a year to go back to school. It's been pretty rough, but not too many fights this time around. I think distance makes most relationships stronger and when you do finally live close to each other it'll be fun and exciting. One of my favorite things about long distance, they are few and far between, is how much of an emotional connection we have towards each other. We know each other inside and out because of how much time we spend talking. It happened when we lived near each other, too, but he's the first guy I've made such a connection with and have known so well and I give the distance a little credit.
Good luck with your relationship :)
patience my dear .. i've been on and off with my ex for the longest as well .. only time will tell the truth .. thn one day (if u two decide to get married, it'll be worth it)
it's very, very cruel :\
I have asked those very same questions myself! Sometimes I get so angry that we have to be apart. We have been dating for almost 2 years now. (Wow! Time flies!) He moved 200 miles away about 5 days after we started dating for work. Then he got transferred 2,000 miles away from me after we had been dating about 10 months. He's been back at his home which is 130 miles away for a couple months now & we try to see each other as much as possible while he's close until going back next month.
It is hard, but I think that all of the work we put into our relationship makes it that much stronger. Those separated for military reasons have even stronger relationships, and I admire them so much. I am expecting an engagement within the next few months. No one will know why some people are separated, but we just have to deal with the cards we are given. Best of luck to you!
it's a true test of love. if you can be boyfriend & girlfriend while apart, then your relationship can last through anything. if you're not sure if you can handle being in an LDR with this guy, or vice versa. Then the love is not true. It's just love.
I was in an LDR that was a 16 hour drive round trip. My ex and I tried to make it work for 4 years, but after a while, we both changed and just kinda ran out of steam. Besides, a good part of the reason we were so far apart is because of my college choice. I didn't want to go to the same college as him, just because he was there. I went to the college that was best for me.
LDRs can be cruel, but if both of you are up to the task, it can work.
I had the worst experiences with LDR's. I did three in total, the first two ended disastrously. I actually began talking to my current boyfriend while he lived in California and I lived in Florida. The only reason we worked out was because I set a timeline for when I would move to be with him. LDR's usually work the best when there is a clear timeline of when a couple will reunite. If this timeline is missing or lacking, you're both just fooling yourselves, in my opinion. The best way to make someone a priority is to make them a part of your life. I understand your circumstances are different, but make plans and goals together, and once you achieve these goals, you'll have a renewed sense of purpose for your relationship. It will help bring you two closer as well. I'm not a long distance relationship kind of girl. My first LDR lasted 4 years and that's about as much as I could take. I thrive on spending quality time with a person and since an LDR's main component is the absence of the significant other, then it just didn't work for me. Good luck!
You could get pregnant and make him move, lol. Sorry, it sucks, all you can do is have a little bit of irreverent humor about the situation.
I ask myself this to God every. single. night.
=(
I think it takes a personality to stay committed to a LDR. It was not difficult for me and the break up was hard and when we talked again a year later, it seemed like old feelings were coming back again. Break ups in LDRs are difficult because you don't break up because you don't not like/care/love each other anymore, it's almost always situational. No matter what, the people in the relationship will always have a fondness for the other. Something important would be to figure out what you would compromise and what you won't, i.e. long distance, religion, children, etc.. The distance may be a harsh, but effective tool for you to understand that and pursue or let go.
Maybe I'm being too optimistic, but when I think of my ex-love (he was in Holland and I in California) I'm grateful to have had someone witness a part of my life and vice versa. It makes me hopeful for the world to experience love. :)
I had a similar experience, though a) the distance is less, b) we're both older, and c) we never actually made it to relationship status.
He always said it wouldn't work out; we'd go months without talking and then start up again...in spurts, and things never seemed to change feelings-wise or circumstance-wise. We talked about it a while back and now we're back to not talking all...I'm finally entirely okay with that. The important thing is prioritizing.
Sometimes things are inconvenient just because. I don't believe there's any explanation, any guarantee things will or will not work out for an LDR or...well, anything really. I believe there are just people we click with all around the world, and that we meet them by chance. What we choose to do with that chance is up to us. Two people can and will be together for as long as they both want to be...that's what I honestly believe.
Good luck.
I've been dating my boyfriend for 8 months. For 4 of those months, I've been 400 miles away finishing my last semester of law school. Honestly, our relationship has grown stronger during that time. Not only have we both made a major effort to see each other, but we've gotten more creative about how we communicate. When there's less of a physical element involved, conversation deepens and you get to know each other on a much better level. When you can't be intimate, all you can do is talk--for hours and hours. Just talking to him, even if it's hours away via cell phone, has made me love him more.
Sigh, I wish my situation would end up like that. I still love my LDR ex...and there was no reason other than being busy and the distance making it hard to maintain the relationship. I hate that those are usually the reasons, I can get over someone if they don't love me or found someone else, etc but the fact that it's not anyone's feelings that break the relationship up erks me. I can only hope that in the future that my ex will be in a place to have time to think about me and maybe we'll eventually have a chance to talk things through again. I think God is just giving us what we deserve. These are great people we meet and then love...obviously that person wasn't around us and just happened to be long distance. I mean, I think it would be worse to not ever had known the person, especially if they were so great. Maybe it's also so that you think about moving too...you know for either party, when you find someone that worth it, you may end up moving, making changes and new paths for your life. Who knows maybe you were supposed to end up in that new place? I guess that's how I think of it, because I was planning to move for my LDR.
Hmm...I think fate exists (in my case I believe in God's plan) and that it has everything to do with LDRs. It's a trial. Just think about how happy you'll be when you get married and know that you've worked through distance already. Being able to work through hardship is an important skill for married couples.
@rabbitsarecool14@xanga - so true. My ex left me for other reasons also (although it wasn't distance).
Your question stems from your belief that God MADE you two get together. I believe that God knows everything that is happening and will happen, but He doesn't stick His hand into everything and make it happen if you will, otherwise we are just puppets.
He might have brought you two together, but maybe it was from your own decision. I think that we get too caught up into, "Is this God's will?" sometimes. It is very important to consider whether or not what we do is something God would be pleased with, and I believe that a lot of times He does have a will in our life, but not everything is dictated by His will. I believe He gives us freedom on a lot of decisions. We may ask, "Should I date this girl?" If she is pleasing to God then why not? I think God gives us the freedom to pursue many different paths.
I think LDR's are right for some people...and a lot of things in life are only worthwhile if they've been fought for.
-I'm going on month 6 of my LDR, who is 1400 mile away...and what helps us is planning for our next visit to see each other, texting throughout the day, and looong phone convos.
-I look at "fate" as I look at the idea of "soul mates"...I believe that God has a plan for us, yes..but to say that there is ONE specific person out there for us...not necessarily--based on the paths we take in life, we take one fork in a road where we could have chosen the other...there may have been someone else just as compatible down that other road. A LDR just might happen to be one of those roads that many of us find ourselves on...and we wonder if it's worth it...if you and your Other are willing to both sacrifice a little, I think it can work.
I have no explaination, but I do know how it is. I dated someone/am best friends with someone who lives in NY and when we met, I was living in TX. We met when I was 10 and he was 12 on an online chatroom. Talked a little here and there over the next couple years, and then when I was in 7th grade started talkin on the phone. We started dating when I was in 9th grade, it lasted a year and then I cheated and we broke up. We never dated again, but he is definately my bff and I go up there to see him every summer. I have been up to NY 3 times. Now I'm 19 and he is 21, I am married and he will be married in Feb of 2011. However, I am currently in another LDR because my husband is in the army & is deployed to Afghanistan. He has been gone since March and will be coming home in the next few days, thank god. Even though it was a temporary distance, it was still hard as hell. They are never easy, it takes a lot of trust, a lot of love, and a lot of communication between the 2 of you.
I used to drive about 3 to 4 hours myself before she went of to college. Now she's half way across the country and 3 to 4 hours seems a pittance. It's a test, to see how strong you really are. As individuals and as a couple. Although the distance is a major factor, its not the only factor. Everything adds up and sometimes you can feel overwhelmed. But have faith. I believe that if you want to keep your relationship together, you will. You'll fight against any factors that'll affect you together. As long as you both know that you love each other, then distance is but a twinkling of an eye and by the time you know it, your in his arms and everything seems right.
I think if you're that far away from each other and you're willing to fight for the relationship, then you know he's the one for you.
My fiance lives in Japan, and I live in Arizona. For a long time I was bitter and angry over the situation and had a huge pity party for myself. But then I realized that I was so incredibly in love with him, I was willing to do anything to make it work. Now we're engaged, even though a few months ago I was depressed and convinced there was no way we could be together.
If you're willing to work hard to keep the relationship, he's definitely right for you.
My boyfriend and I go to the same college (that's how we met), but when we're not on campus we're 1800 miles apart. Our winter break is about to begin and it's a month long, so we'll see how this goes. We're both planning on working through it. Hopefully it all works out. :)
you should watch 'going the distance'. eventually, everything that's supposed to happen will. so just go with it.