Monday, 06 December 2010
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I Don't Want to Fall Another Moment Into Your Gravity
Growing up I never thought I would be one of "those girls." You know the type. Hair in a knotted mess, mascara stains running down her cheeks. Boo-hooing everytime she hears a love song on the radio. (See Exhibit "A.")But alas, I find myself moping and sighing — often simultaneously — because of a guy.
A GUY! I know that I am not alone in romantic heartache but something about my current circumstance strikes me as painfully pathetic. I always thought that all of those sad songs about unrequited love were written by superficial and/or unintelligent girls and women who didn't protect themselves from stupid and careless boys and men, respectively.But now I realize that these women are in fact not stupid. Just human. Humans who took a chance, put themselves "out there" (whatever that's supposed to mean), and ended up hurt. These are brave women who had the audacity to believe in romantic love and who refused to stay quiet about that love. Much to my dismay and despite a long history of denial, I am a womsn. I am a brave, intelligent woman who has been wounded in the line of heartfelt duty.
I am undoubtedly injured as a result of my voyage into the previously unexplored territory of dating and relationships. Now what? Before you leave a comment, please take the following tidbits about into consideration:
- I don't have a car.
- I don't have a job.
- I don't have many friends nearby.
What do I do? What are the ways some of you get over a guy? And please don't say "Get under another guy." That is so not my style.
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About the Author
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- From: Losers_Advocate@xanga
- Name: Aisha
- Location:
- About Me: I have been called to advocate on behalf of those who are lonely, afraid and hurting. The people who are often overlooked and under loved. It is my goal to bring the best of myself to the people in the worst of conditions. Simply put... I try to love the unlovable. I aim to hold the untouchable. I will be myself, only better. I will share God's love. I will change the world. Care to join me?
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Comments (74)
Ice cream and shopping :D
start of with a job you could walk to, go out and make more friends, and stay busy..... harder than it sounds, but i been there....
Work out. You vent and the endorphins you get from exercising help you feel better.
I've never been "THAT GIRL" either. I've always been like a guy amongst my girlfriends. Physically, I am very girly, because I love shopping, fashion, and I'm really into like "looks" and whatever.. but when it came to boys and like feelings, I was as cold as ice. I didnt fall for guys, have crushes, or even liked a guy for more than 60seconds.
Everything changed and I became "that girl" this summer. It sucks.. because I dont like the way I am. I'm over it NOW, but what I did was just work out and get in shape. I cannot possibly be more satisfied than when I'm in perfect shape!
I'm like you. I have a guard up. I don't fall very often, but when I do, I fall hard. Guys tend to fall for me pretty quick, but I don't get those serious emotions very often. And I WANT to fall, but when I do I worry about it the whole time, waiting for it to end. You're exactly right when you say it takes a brave person to fall in love, because love equates pain, like every time.
All you can do is be as careful as possible but stay open to love, and TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCT! It's not easy. You have to learn how to read the red flags without analyzing the situation to death. And when it hurts, you just have to dust yourself off and move on. Love=pain, pain=wisdom.
Arts and crafts. Hobbies. Go outside and take a walk, take in nature.
Ok seriously guys, it's called spell check! "womsn" is not a word, woman is!
Find/Buy an old bike. Find/Buy a newspaper. Ride the bike to the park. Read the classifies (or if all else fails, bring along a Harry Potter book). Think about real things. Take up a new, inexpensive hobby. My music library is, sadly, full of lovey-dovey music... so find new music! That's always a fun adventure. Create a Bucket List of crazy, thrilling things to do and do it! Life is full of unexpected turns. Mourn over him, but don't spend forever. Take your time to heal, but you should know that the human body is capable of healing wonders.... Get out of your comfortable/normal/everyday lifestyle. When I find myself outside of my comfort zone- where I don't know where I am or what's going to happen next- I'm truly the happiest. Volunteer (you might even find yourself a good guy at the soup kitchen).
Basically- and speaking from personal experience- when you're fed up with relying on other people to define you, you gotta go and find yourself. Although that's a terrible, long and winding road, it's still very important in a single woman's life. Discover what kind of guy is right for you, who you want to become, etc. This guy wasn't meant to be. But you're meant to be happy! So smile! And just live! Best of luck!!
get off his facebook! hit the gym!
Honestly, the easiest way to get over someone is to stop giving them importance in your life. The more importance you give them, the more priority and control they have, therefore the more you think about them, hence all the crying, moping, sighing, bingeing/starving, and other self-destructive behaviors.
So, when trying get over someone, the more you put restrictions on yourself (such as the don't haves you listed), the harder it's going to be to move past that stage of self-destructive behavior. Don't have a car and a job? Well then, go comb craigslist or the newspaper ads for a bike and a job. Don't have a whole bunch of friends? Go find some by getting involved in your community, or if you're in school, in a new organization or club. Just want something different but low key to keep you occupied? Find a new hobby, like cooking a bunch of recipes from a different culture's cook book, pick up crocheting, or buy an inexpensive digital camera and go exploring a place you usually just drive by without a second thought.
There are an endless amount of possibilities, so if you really were the "brave, intelligent woman" you say you are, this shouldn't be as difficult as you're making it out to be.
I'd work out in the gym, cook new food, find a job (can you apply for FAFSA and get work study grants? assuming you're in college), TRY befriending people in the long run- maybe join a club, volunteer, etc. They're things I'm working on at the moment too, actually. (Don't really have a life besides school/boyfriend atm)
@mesokimy - Oh, get over yourself. One fucking letter and you flip out. If you don't fucking like it, close your damn eyes. Don't be a cunt.
"it's called spellcheck!" Gosh. It's called a penis. And you need to hop on it soon.@needtobreathe22@xanga - this is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!! you are beautiful.
I've got it, we'll completely fuck off men, i dibs this cutie rite here ;)
i'm going through i think the EXACT same thing ): except i became the obsessed gf after a year of caring for my 20 year old bf after he almost went and killed himself breaking his neck in the process. now im pretty much dumped and homeless, jobless, carless, friendless, moneless, you name it, theres less of it :P hahah. my mum and dad are still here to pick me up and take me home later this week, so i'm going to add ONE very important thing, remember the people who WERE there for you, and DID love you! Go and love them back :)
i feel the same way when i sigh and mope over a boy.
sadly, "getting under another boy" usually helps.
girl! I am so sorry. It has got to be so much harder not having friend around too. When you get a chance.. go get the book "its called a break up" cause its broken. It is my break up bible. I got it 6 years ago when I broke up/moved away to college from my high school sweet heart. Since then it has been pass around all my friends and help out them out tremendously.
I agree with the suggestions above and get out and do stuff. Don't sulk. and for the LOVE OF GOD DO NOT GO ON DATING WEBSITES. All they are either losers living in their moms basement or insatiable man whore. lastly, burn his shit and get drunk with some friends girl.Pray. For real. It helps.
I never considered myself one of "those" girls, either. Yet, I've spent a good amount of time moping, crying, and examining what it is I'm doing wrong. I work and go to grad school; my friends are mostly coupled up, and their S.O's male friends are coupled up; the only males I encounter on a regular basis are either too young or too old. Basically, I don't meet many guys. I don't fall often (three times in my life, though looking back, the first two were entirely delusional) but boy, do I fall hard....so hard, in fact, that it takes a long time to get back up.
The biggest thing that helps is simply time...and the intangible desire to not feel like crap anymore. It's like coming off an addiction. One day at a time...some days are good, some are bad, but every time you feel lousy, it's less painful and less frequent. I just wiped my slate clean--I figure, now's the time to figure out myself so that when the right one comes along, I won't have any more doubts or insurmountable fears. Engage yourself in something else, anything else. It isn't 100% fool-proof, but it helps. I find that life eventually takes its course and bigger and more important things come up.
For the love of all that is holy, delete him from your Facebook and all other social networking sites, if applicable. (Advice I need to take myself....oy)
Good luck! :)
p.s. "wounded in the line of heartfelt duty" is awesome, from a writer's perspective.
@needtobreathe22@xanga - Good advice =)
time to start improving yourself. You're your own worst critic until you fully feel satisfied.
Totally second the person who said work out!! You know, the best thing about a time like this is the freedom you have. You don't have that "baggage" so to speak, so just start doing stuff for yourself. Enjoy the fact that you can explore your interests, try some new stuff, figure out what you like pouring your emotions into (besides a male). It could actually be the most enlightening and uplifting time of your life, even if it feels the opposite right now. And who's to say you won't meet someone new in the process? ;)
Hang in there!
@Hinase@xanga - thanks!
@alone_but_beautiful@xanga - hahahaha
for real! Good luck!!
Be with your close friends...all the time. Doing happy things. Get super busy. Don't even give yourself enough time to think about him anymore. It's working for me! :) Good luck.
I feel like I can relate, a lot. Although, my first relationship isn't over, just kinda sinking right now. Long distance is hard........Anyway....
You have to find activities. It's difficult when you don't have any good friends close by. Maybe you have some family that you can spend time with?
And of course, try to make some new friends if you can!
Do things that make you feel more accomplished. Is there a goal you made but you haven't taken any steps in that direction? Maybe try accomplishing it now. ^^
I focused on biking and walking daily... and eating healthier. Personally, i get so lost in arts and crafts (drawing, making things by sewing, etc,) and reading. Take up your time with activities.
Maybe look in your community for some clubs to join (i want to do this one, but am trying to find a job right now.) Maybe something environmental or another volunteering group... or maybe a group with interest similar to yours.
Good luck and I hope you start feeling better and more positive!
I know you said you don't have a job, but my advice is to get one. Seriously.
I work at the college I am attending in the cafeteria, and it gives me a chance to meet not only other people working there, but also the cute customers ;)It will keep your mind busy, keep YOU busy, and hey, you might just end up meeting someone great.self actuallization and acceptance
if you keep repelling thoughts of him and the situation you'll be stuck in denial mode