Monday, 06 December 2010

• To Be Me: A Military Wife

  

  As we know, each and every one of us has a unique experience with dating. We all have a story to tell, and something to learn from one another.

  Each week I'm going to bring you an interview I've done with a real individual with a powerful story to share. These men and women will bravely step into the spotlight and share the intimate details of some of their most trying moments in love in order to help all of us to learn and grow as they have.

  What It's Like to be Me: A Military Wife
  

  Today, you're going to meet Michele, a 29 year old mother of two living on a United States military base in Germany while her husband, Sebastian, serves in the United States Army. Currently, Sebastian is serving his third tour with the military in Kuwait, after serving two in Iraq.
  

  Of the 9 years they've been married, Michele and Sebastian have spent 50 months apart due to his military duties, the equivalent of about 4 years.
  

  Q: When did you and your husband meet, and was he in the military at the time?

  We met back in High School. I was 16 and he was 14. Obviously he wasn’t in the military at the time but the first day I met him he told me he wanted to join the Army.
  
  Q: Did you ever imagine yourself as a military wife?

  I guess I did. I was involved in the American Legion organization since I was a kid because of my Grandpa, who was a WWII vet. I have always had a great admiration for service members. I think people who serve in the military have a special selflessness to them that is admirable. So I have always been attracted to service men - and the uniforms help (laughs).
  
  Q: What did you anticipate your time apart from your husband would be like?

  I thought I would fall apart. Our first deployment we had only been married a year and we had a six month old. It was a lot for both of us. A lot of support from family and friends helped me through.
  
  Q: Is the separation anything at all like what you thought it would be?

  Yes and no. We are on our third deployment in just 6 years of service. And even though this is the third it isn’t any easier. A lot of the time it feels harder. I love to watch “Army Wives,” and when they talked about deployment, they said “You never get used to it. You just keep getting through it.” That sums it up pretty well. You learn tricks through the years that help here and there, but it's always hard to be apart.
  
  Q: Do you think your time apart from your husband is harder on you or your children?

  It is hard on everyone, but I would say it's hardest on Sebastian. We stay in our lives. I work, the kids go to school, we keep all our daily activities going. He is the one who is taken out of his life here. The hardest part for me is not having him as my “tag in”. When we are together and I get stressed with the kids, he jumps in to help. When he is away I don’t have that. It takes a lot more patience.
  
  Q: Do you find your roles as wife and mom more difficult considering the situation you're in?

  Not all the time but often. Most of the time, it's like any other family. But then training and deployment times make it hard. Sometimes you have to be Mom and Dad. Make birthdays special when duty calls and document everything to keep him in the loop. As a wife, you have to be strong (which is impossible to do all the time). You have to realize that plans get changed and you make the best out of it. Holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries are missed and you have to understand. We celebrate holidays at off times if they are missed. it’s the time we share and not a date that makes it special.
  
  Q: What are the perks of living on a foreign military base?

  Definitely seeing Europe. I love it here. We get to travel around and expose the kids to so much. 4 hours and we are in Paris. Germany is a great place to live. It has so much culture and great beer. As for the kids, one great thing about living on a base is having them in a Department of Defense School... they have weekly Deployment Groups where they meet with other kids going through the exact same thing.
   
  Q: How has your husband's time overseas affected your relationship with him?

  It takes work. We always try to take a step back and review our relationship. See what we can work on and set goals.
  
  Q: Do you think people have misconceptions about the things that military families go through, especially during wartime?

  I think nowadays it is more public. A lot of non-military friends ask me if our life is like “Army Wives,” and a lot of it is pretty accurate. You have wives that you may never had been friends with had your common bond not thrust you into each other, but you are thankful to have one another. I guess the only misconception would be people who think we support wars. We are the first to not want wars. Who wants a loved one in danger? However, the difference is we see why war is sometime the only option. And our loved ones willingly make sacrifices so the rest of our country is safe.
  
  Q: Do you ever wish that your husband was not in the military? When do these thoughts come to mind the most?

  We have been there and done that. In a period of 17 months Sebastian entered the Army, we were married, had a baby, moved to Oklahoma, and he was deployed. After that year I was done. I wanted out and we got out. It didn’t work so well for us. We missed the life we had and he reenlisted. So now I don’t question it. I know our life is better this way.
  
  Q: How has your experience as a military wife changed you, for better or worse?

  It has definitely made me stronger. Early in our marriage, I think I was worried about being alone. I didn’t think I could handle it. Then our two girls and I moved to Germany and were there by ourselves for 11 months with out Sebastian. I learned to give myself more credit for what I can handle.

  Q: Any closing thoughts you'd like to share?

  (On Thanksgiving) I was talking with some friends about how they celebrated growing up. A friend said how it was a strictly family day, and friends were not allowed over. “Family” changes in the military, because your group of friends become your family. When you are away from your biological family during holidays you come together with friends and make new traditions.
  
  Q: What advice do you have for women or men who are preparing to enter into a military marriage?

  Communication! Talk to each other always. We went on a military marriage retreat before this deployment and it gave us a reminder (that) we need to keep our marriage in working order. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. I am so proud of my husband.
   

  Keep checking in for more from my "To Be Me" series each week on Datingish and let me know who you'd like to hear from.

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