They've always existed and they're everywhere. From Mr.Spock and Captain Kirk, to Jay and Silent Bob. From Batman and Robin, to Corey and Shawn. We're talking Bromances.
Since Brody Jenner coined the term in 2008 with his reality show, the word "Bromance" has served to justify the semi-homoerotic relationships that it seems all men have with at least one other man. These friendships have bonds stronger than marriage vows, and are usually life-long. If you're a woman dating men, there's a chance that you've had to deal with one.
For the most part, these Bromances mostly cute to watch, and serve as good entertainment. Frankly, I wish I had more friendships of that nature with women. However, they can begin to interrupt a relationship, particularly when you and your boyfriend's bromantic partner don't exactly get along. Here are some tips for keeping the balance.
1.
Make sure that your alone time with your boyfriend STAYS your alone time: My ex's phone used to go off constantly during our private time and it was always his BFF, and there were times where I was expecting a solo date and we had a third wheel. I tried to stay patient with the situation, but there came a point where I had to draw the line. Boundaries are very important.
2.
Do your best not to fight with your boyfriend's BFF: Yes, it's great to think you come first, but you have to be realistic. You are dealing with a friendship that is lifelong, and it is incredibly presumptuous and vain to believe a guy would risk that for you, and he shouldn't have to. If you can't exactly be bosom buddies with his best friend, at least try to keep the peace and stay cordial.
3.
Respect THEIR time together: As much as your boyfriend loves time with you, he probably loves time with his best friend just as much, and if you want to be fair, you have to allow them their alone time for guy stuff.
4.
If you're really starting to go insane with the situation, be grateful that he's itching to spend more time with another guy, and not with another girl: This is pretty self-explanatory and it kept me from losing it in my last relationship (he and his BFF were beyond the Turk and J.D.-level closeness). It's much more comforting to think that at least your boyfriend is going off to hang out with another guy and do guy stuff, than to cheat on you. So just sit back and let him do his own thing. At best, he'll really miss you when he comes back, and appreciate the freedom you allow him.
I'm curious: how do you deal with your boyfriend's bromances?
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Comments (22)
Basically just give them their alone time, and make sure your boyfriend knows that you two need your alone time as well. Sounds like a good idea to me. :)
my boyfriend has one of these, but i know i matter more. i know they've been friends forever but when it comes down to it, he knows i'd be more likely to bail him out of jail, or lend him money, than his friend (not that his friend isn't a good friend, but i know i'd do it quicker)
I just deal with it. They are like little kids when they're together and I kind of vanish from the room, but its fine because i know i have his heart, and his penis :)
As long as I know I'm the one he turns too and relies on, i don't mind.
Hm good thing I don't deal with this. My boyfriend has two best friends, but they aren't inseperable. They have their times where they wanna chill so I got lucky. I'd definitely say something if he had a "boyfriend" and he crossed the line.. MY man,bitch.
My soon-to-be-ex-husband has a "bromance" but I'm not sure it doesn't cross the line into "romance". It's part of why we're getting divorced: his friend has always been jealous of our relationship, and has never liked me. He chose his friend over his wife. These bonds should NOT be stronger than the marriage bond. That is not normal. If he were a boyfriend, I'd deal with it, but he's my HUSBAND. That's supposed to be a lifelong commitment, and no matter how much you like your friend, when they treat your spouse the way his friend treated me, you stop being friends with them, you don't divorce your wife. Unless you're secretly gay, which is the only reason a guy would love his friend more than his wife, and be more committed to the friendship than the marriage.
my guy friends all have someone like this, and i dated 2 of my friends and had to deal with this type of thing both times
i don't mind, since i love them too haha
but it did get to a point where i was like alright, now, really? and he made more of an effort after i mentioned it. sometimes you just need to say hey! i would like to see you alone once in a while y'know!
My boyfriend doesn't have any bromances, but if he did it wouldn't matter since we live in different states and when he does get a chance to see me he wouldn't bring along someone else. Also, he does have his close guy friends, but we both like to keep our friends separate from our relationship so they aren't really around anyway for either of us.
@Covergirl_For_Sanity_Fair@xanga -
Ha, if you say so. It doesn't sound like the bro is making him brake up
with you, just that you are making him brake up with the bro. It's kind
of spiteful on your part. I'd pick the bro in that situation.
Then again I don't know the entire situation. You and the bro don't have to get along.
My boyfriend has a lot of bromances (dirty whore, innit he?).
His main BFF has been his best friend since the 6th grade. He also lives near Harvard currently getting his master's in Theatre Arts. That's incredibly easy to deal with, and is even cooler when he's home. I let my boyfriend talk to him on the phone because I don't have a say in what he does. If I'm not on the most important date of my life, talk to the guy. He's in MA, so they have to catch up. No big deal. I even talk to him when my boyfriend is driving.
My boyfriend's second best friend is in the Coast Guard and lives in San Diego, which is about 2 hours away from us. He'll come up when he can, and I love it. It's a lot of fun, because this guy (let's call him CG) is a good friend of mine as well. My boyfriend is crazy when CG comes up, because that's what they are. It's a great time, and I join in half the time.
The other two are good friends, not neccessarily best friend forever, but they are still pretty much in the circle of groomsmen. Which is high on the list, because my boyfriend has a lot of friends. These guys are the ones I see the most because they live close and work close (except one, he works in El Segundo). They are fun as well, and our dates very rarely include the two of them, but I don't care if they come along or not, because we keep it even. We don't fawn over each other like some people do, which makes it super uncomfortable for the friends. We play video games and card games together, and I'm working my way into RPGs with them (hopefully).
When I just want the day to me and my boyfriend, I let him know, and he'll let the masses know, and we'll enjoy a day to ourselves with no interruptions. They are very respectful to our relationship, which is great. =) I am respectful of my boyfriend's relationships with his friends, and when he has a day planned out with them, i stay home and do homework, thankful to have a day to myself (because sometimes that's all I need).
@Bushy_Tailed@xanga - You're right, you know nothing of the situation. You don't know, for example, that the first time I met the "bro", he told me how great my husband's ex-gf is, and how much he liked her. You don't know that he's been telling my husband to get a divorce, and the he told him not to marry me to begin with. I never once said "You can't be friends with him" however, I did say, a number of times, "I wish you wouldn't let him talk to me that way". If you ever think you'd pick a friend over your wife, don't marry her. Save her the heartache of marrying someone who doesn't really love her.
@Bushy_Tailed@xanga - Also, we're not dating, so we can't "brake up" (you mean "break" by the way). We're married. There is (or should be) an entirely different level of commitment in a marriage than in a friendship or dating relationship. If there's not, and in my case there apparently is not, the couple shouldn't have gotten married. Had I known he would pull this shit, I wouldn't have married him. I was under the impression that he meant his vows when he said them.
@Covergirl_For_Sanity_Fair@xanga - Vows don't need to be spoken. Friend ship is just as important, I'm sorry if you think that it would be an entirely different level of something. Marriage doesn't really mean much.
@Bushy_Tailed@xanga - If marriage doesn't mean much to you, don't get married. It DOES mean something to me. Friendship is not as important. They're completely different relationships. A spouse is the family you choose, and you should stand up for them, protect them, and love them like you would for no one else.
@Covergirl_For_Sanity_Fair@xanga - Oh
so just saying I do automatically creates some deeper connection
between you and your significant other? It's not that easy. I'll stand
up for people, protect all people, and love all people. To the best of
my ability in all areas.
@Covergirl_For_Sanity_Fair@xanga - What a jerk. Marriage isn't always the largest commitment, but it SHOULD be. I agree with you, they should be your family just as much if not more than your parents or siblings. I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you'll be rid of someone who just lets their "friends" walk all over you. What a coward and a puss of a man.
What's scary is, my boyfriend seems to keep his social life outside of our relationship on the Down Low.
My boyfriend is in the biggest bromance ever. Him and his best bros just moved in together and created their own man cave in their basement. They get together there every Sunday to watch football, drink beer and eat tons and tons of wings. Turns out men haven't evolved much from cavemen. http://www.become.com/resource-center/infographic/caveman-mancave.html
@Bushy_Tailed@xanga - I sincerely hope you never get married. seriously. that is the WORST attitude about marriage I've seen. Marriage is SUPPOSED to be a lifelong commitment. unfortunately people today (including you) only see it as temporary.
i'm trying really hard to respect your opinion but because you said it in reply to that poor girl going through divorce, i'm having a hard timedoing so.
i dont care what you think about what i said and i don't care about your smart reply.
if you wanna troll, don't do it as a reply to what someone said about getting a divorce. seriously. that's enough pain for her in and of itself.
It's really hard for me right now because he and his guy friends have been working on a boat for the past few months. I was fine with it at the beginning, but then it got to the point where he pretty much spends all of his time with his friends. And I know that they want to get the boat done, but I'm feeling kind of neglected.
But, I mean I'm usually fine with it. I really love spending time with him, and I can't wait until we're married, so our time apart is tough for me. We used to be long distance, and I absolutely hated it. I transfered schools so I could move back home. I was miserable at the previous school, even though I had great friends/roommates, a tone of events to get my mind off missing him, and plenty of homework (I was a vocal major which required me to warm up and practice my pieces 6 hours a day, and be part of a choir that practiced 2 hours every other day, not to mention the homework from my other hardcore classes). But, whenever we said good-bye after he visited or I went home to visit I cried for hours. I think it scared me for life. I kept a job up there and commuted back and forth before the next semester started and I dreaded the drive up, even though I knew I was coming home that night. When I visit my friend's and roommates from school I still shudder at the process of getting there. I know, pretty messed up right?
@Covergirl_For_Sanity_Fair@xanga - I completely agree with you. The commitment and vows in a marriage are meant to be a "till death" promise. I'm really sorry for the situation your in. I hope your soon-to-be-ex husband sees the light (that is if you are both willing to salvage this). And I also think you were completely in the right. I would not be okay if my boyfriend's best friend didn't like me. I would actually feel hurt, but I know that he would chose me over them. Unless they had a really good reason not to like me. But in your case it doesn't sound like his "bro" had a good reason, unless he was just to scared to share it.
give them alone time even though "the friend" acts more womanly than you do? are u serious?
My so-called bro friend just broke up with his wife. He moved in with us because he had no where to go. Once he moved in, he acted more gay than a little bit. My husband and him shared more quality time than me. When i asked him to find his own place (he was sleeping in our livingroom), i became enemy number 1. Now every other day he's sneaking by our apartment. So be careful when u start accepting a BROMANCE, look at what's really going on. Eventually, bro broke up my marriage of 11 years. He's so happy, he moved into my old place and took my spot.
Yeah so my Boyfriend has a "Bromance" also and at times it gets annoying. It's like I'm not even there when i hang out with them both because they go off into there own inside joke world. I do like his friend and at times i get frustrated with him. What makes me mad the most is that my boyfriend doesn't call or anything for a period of time because he's with his bro, or when he says he cant hang out with he just runs right over to his friends house. I really like ] my boyfriend but sometimes he needs to know there's a line and I'm just as important.