Sunday, 05 December 2010
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Promise Rings are Immature
It has come to my attention that promise rings are a real thing. I thought they were just a high school thing where the guy gave his woman his class ring.Seems immature to me. If you're going to promise yourself, just get engaged. "But I don't want a long engagement."
Another explanation I've received has been, "Well you knew I was in a relationship, whether or not I'm engaged or married, you could tell."So is it a way to say, "Stay the hell away from me, I'm not interested in you."
It seems like you're putting a middleman in something that doesn't need a middleman. But if its for appearances sake, would an engagement be at least a little more serious? If you've given one, why didn't you give an engagement ring instead? If you received one, what were your thoughts -- or did you just want his letterman jacket?!
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- From: Thumper49047@xanga
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Comments (181)
Personally, I've never known anyone who gave/ received a promise ring, but it's my understanding that they're for couples too young to really get engaged. They're just dumb regardless. You're right, we don't need a "middleman stage."
I've always had my doubts about promise rings. The way I see it, if you want to make a commitment, just get freaking engaged. If you're not ready for that, then I don't see the need for anything more than a "boyfriend / girlfriend" title.
I almost recieved one, but it ended too soon before that happened. I honestly don't know how I feel towards it now. Like, why did I want it? Why wouldn't a guy just give his class ring like normal? That's how it should go. We don't need all these rings, they're unnecessary. I guess it's a promise of, someday, but I say hey you might as well get engaged for awhile and leave that as the promise. I mean an engagement says you will get married... it doesn't say when, but it shows that you are taken also and soon to be wed. It doesn't make sense for a promise ring now, a promise ring should be an engagement ring and that is that.
I've never gotten or wanted a promise ring. They seem like a giant waste to me, especially since I NEVER wear any kind of jewlery.
My boyfriend gave me a promise ring before he moved. For the record, I've told him numerous times that I thought promise rings were stupid and unnecessary for much of the same reasons you listed. I accepted the ring because of how important the ring is to him and what it stood for to him. The ring was his great grandma's wedding ring or engagement ring, I can't really remember. He gave it to me as a promise that we would stay together despite the distance. So, in that regard I like it. I also don't wear it because of how expensive it is and how much meaning it has towards him. I wouldn't want to accidentally lose it. Him and I are the only ones who know I have it, but I kind of like it that way. I like secrets :)
I have a right that I got for my anniversary 4 years ago, and I wear it out of habit. It's just a ring. Eventually all jewelry (other than a wedding band) becomes just that, jewelry. Sure at some point it was symbolic of something, but as people grow up and change, so do the things we once thought so highly of.
My soon-to-be-ex-husband's friend is living with his girlfriend, and he gave her a promise ring for Christmas last year. I thought it was crap. They've been dating for at least 5 years, and living together most of that time. She went through a "marry me or I'm gone" phase, and he placated her with a promise ring. Wouldn't work on me, but it apparently worked on her, because she stayed with him. I doubt they'll ever get married though because, while he seems like a good guy, as one of my ex's friends he pretty much automatically earns the label of "jerk". Also, a number of my ex's other friends use women and aren't the commitment-type (and apparently neither is my ex, as demonstrated by the fact that he's an ex) and they all hang out together. I've learned that you can tell a lot about guy by the company he keeps, so odds are since this guy hangs out with the same crowd as my ex, he's that type of person to give up on the relationship when things get hard/the sex is no longer as exciting. Whichever comes first.
I wanted a promise ring and my boyfriend wanted to get me one. We were too young for an engagement but still wanted a symbol of our commitment to each other. No one I know even has class rings so he wouldn't have given me his class ring or anything. We were mature enough to know that we wanted to be together but to everyone else we were too young to be engaged. Also, I don't want to get married till after college so I can have the wedding I deserve. I need the money and an early engagement and wedding would have meant something that was less special. I love my promise ring. I don't see the problem with them. Its just something special.
For people who are seriously interested in each other, I think they could be charming, however, everyone I know who has had one has broken it off, or vice versa, with the other person. I think maybe it's dumb because people suck at relationships. I think it would be cute to be able to say, oh look at this ring, it was my great great grandma's promise ring, but only if the marriage lasted.
@Covergirl_For_Sanity_Fair@xanga - rolling my eyes at the guy you're talking about! I agree, that is crap. If he's still afraid to commit after 5 years, he's not going to commit.
I have a friend who's been cheated on several times, and when her current boyfriend gave her a promise ring, it was early on in their relationship, but it was his way of saying, "I don't want this to be casual and I want to pursue a relationship with you." It was a way of reassuring her he wouldn't cheat because of lack of seriousness. (Which had happened before--the guy wasn't serious and found sleeping with other girls okay.)
I think, especially in my friend's case, it was definitely a good thing. It's also a cute sign of dedication in high school kids, when they are too young to get engaged.Where I went to highschool (in the Bible belt) promise rings were like "I promise not to boink anyone until we're married and I can legally boink you under God."
As people who wore them always felt the need to announce their meaning loudly, I always found them to be rather pretentious.
well id be down with someone amazing getting me a ring, i just wouldnt call it a 'promise ring' so much as a nice piece of jewerly. promises really dont exist, although i do think the thought is cute. i really like anything he gives me, because he has good taste, and thats just whats up.
Promise rings are like cheap engagement rings, aren't they? I always thought they were just a symbol of "we're going to be together and I am planning to propose to you but for now here is a cheap replacement until I can save up for a proper engagement ring."
My friends have been dating for 2 years now, and they have promise rings (I guess). The guy is in grad school and the girl is still an undergrad so he can't afford a real engagement ring, but they're going to get married. o_o
I have one, and honestly, it is a charming gesture but a little difficult to interpret. My boyfriend wanted to give me one to symbolize his commitment to me.. and figuring out which finger to wear it on has been a confusing process. I don't want it to scream "BACK OFF" to potential new friends.
@sassypenguin@xanga - This.
My SO suggested getting me one as a compromise after our last living-together fiasco; I told him no way in hell was I moving back in with him without a serious commitment, and that was his idea of "serious"...needless to say, I have no such ring and we've been living separately for a year and a half now lol. You're right, it's putting a middleman where one just isn't necessary.
I think promise rings are cute.
I'm 15, and my boyfriend just gave me a promise ring. He's 18. We're in love, and don't tell me we're too young to have such strong feelings for each other because we do. I think they're cute, and it's like a pre-engagement ring since I'm only 15. I don't find them immature.
If you don't like promise rings, don't get one. Simple as that.
I think they're cute... for younger kids. Whenever I see young couples wear promise rings, it reminds me of when love was pure, simple, and wonderful - BEFORE it developed into its complex and sometimes ugly counterpart.
However, if I was 30-years-old and was with a guy for 10+ years, the only ring he better be giving me is for engagement! If he can't seriously commit to me at that age and after that amount of time, dude would be GONE.
Just sayin'.
I had a couple ring with my recent ex. Both him and I still kept the ring after the break-up.. it still means a lot to us.
i thought this had to do with like waiting to sex with that person
Seems to me like it would make the actual engagement way less special. Like the guy would go down on one knee when he's actually ready to propose, and the girl would say, "well duh, you already gave me a promise ring!" Ruins the big moment.
@xrachhlove@xanga - ...yeah in your case because wouldn't it be illegal to get married...without parents consent? But that's a whole different post on its own.