Friday, 03 December 2010
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Is It Weird That I'm Not Sexually Attracted to My Boyfriend?
My boyfriend is basically perfect and we click really well together. We have a lot on common and we just love to spend time together, whether it's dinner out or just watching a movie. Once he picked me up from a friend's house and drove me home just so he could spend ten minutes with me.
However...I don't fantasize about having sex with him.
I mean, we have sex. But the trouble is I'm only five feet tall and he's well over six foot. He's way to "big" for me if you get what I'm saying. I kind of can't handle it, which makes the idea of having sex with him a total turn off.
Am I weird? I know we can have a relationship without sex. I'm not worried about our survival as a couple. But is it normal for someone to NOT want to have sex with their boyfriend?
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- From: kyrie1220@xanga
- Name: Chelsea
- About Me: I write
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Comments (127)
You know you can have a relationship without sex? Can you really? I mean, for a while, sure. But I mean...you can't have a celibate relationship forever. Unless you're a couple of a-sexuals. I think being sexually attracted to your SO is a very important part of the relationship.
Rather than telling us, you should tell him. He is the one who has to come to terms with you not wanting sex with him.
I agree with @quasarglow@xanga - on this, at least the statement that being sexually attracted to your SO is an important thing..because it is. It almost seems like you're both not compatible despite what you say. It might even be a issue later down the road. An issue that can break your relationship. I'd suggest talking to your bf and telling him you aren't. Be honest about it. And see if you are both on the same page together if not..there are going to be problems. Very bad problems. If you aren't, I might even suggest perhaps that you should break up with him to save you the heartbreak later on. But it's up to you really.
it's normal. my first 3 boyfriends i couldn't even DREAM of doing anythign sexual with (i still can't) but my current bf is another story haha. you ARE going to break up sooner or later... or else you will have a very unhappy marriage. just consider that. good luck!
They find the perfect picture every time.
i don't see anything wrong with NOT having sex with him. i'm sure, if you're as stable a couple as you say, he'll be fine with it.
@quasarglow@xanga - i don't think sex is such an important thing if they're compatible in all the other important ways. this is kind of like saying you can't be a virgin in a relationship.
you CAN have a relationship without sex. but those are usually called friendships.
@dude_this_world_sux@xanga - true, but ideally the virgin should at least WANT to have sex with their partner some day (it's abstinence until marriage, not abstinence until death). this isn't her asking, "i think it's a bad idea to have sex, will the relationship fail?" the desire has to be there.
don't get me wrong... for some, sexless relationships totally work. i'm sure most marriages throughout history, being arranged and all that, functioned that way. but it'll only work if HE wants it that way, too. the vibe i'm getting here is that that's not the case.
@too_pretty_to_die@xanga - well, she has sex with him, and i think it seems like she enjoys sex in the moment but doesn't anticipate it, and i think it's a problem of finding a position that isn't painful for her and she enjoys also.
i swear i meant to point that out before too haha
Short stature works very well in any situation.. sexual, that is. Maybe that's just me, I'm not quite 5' tall, though.
I've had that problem before...the difference in size. It can be uncomfortable and sometimes painful. When I talked to him about it, we were able to work something out sexually that worked for the both of us where we wanted to have sex and it helped us become closer emotionally working on that together.
To answer your question: it's not weird, but I do think y'all should talk about it.
It's not "weird" it just probably means that you're not going to work out. Some people just aren't sexually compatible with other people. That would be completely fine if both you and your partner aren't interested in sex and don't plan on being sexual together. I would keep this in mind: Just because you're really compatible with someone and you love them and your relationship works doesn't mean you should be together in a romantic relationship. You could have all of those same things in a loving friendship. If sex is something that is important to you, find someone you can have it with. If you want the sex to work with him, find a way to make it work.
Honestly what you will end up having with him is a friendship not a relationship. Part of a relationship is being attracted to each other and you no longer are or never were so I can imagine you two will break up soon
First off, I apologize because this will be TMI. If sex is painful & that's the only turn off, lubrication can be an issue. It's quite common too & can happen for a variety of reasons. I was reading about that in a magazine a couple of years ago. Talk to him about how you feel & see if that works. If it was that, it's a minor problem with an easy fix. If not, you cant say you didnt try.
@callist0@xanga - I agree.
@liquor90@xanga - You are totally right. They must either google up the pictures or take them themselves. There is no way they can find the right picture every time.
i think it's a little weird. i mean obviously, you can have a relationship without sex, but not a long term one, especially not marriage. the size thing seems strange to me. because i'm 4'11 and 102 lbs. my husband is 6'1. he's not a huuuge guy but obviously twice the size of me. sometimes sex hurts if we haven't done it in a long time, but if you keep having sex, it won't hurt. my advice, HAVE LOTS OF SEX. it'll bring you closer in the long run, but if you still don't fantasize about him, maybe he's not the one for you.
my point is that if he is asexual or you are okay with an open relationship then it might be fine, but if he likes you and wants to be with you every way possible, and you don't; there will be friction (no pun intended).
Is it awkward because his torso touches your face? Or is "It" really big? I think most women have the same size vagina, maybe you're not use to experimenting with it being large? Maybe you need more practice? Maybe it's a mental thing, you had unpleasant sex and now when you do it, it hurts because you dread it so much....?
If you can force out a baby, you can fit "it" in. I promise.
Your title is misleading.
I hate people who say sex is a must for any relationship. I guess none of these people waited very long with any of their partners before jumping in the sack. I heard the average number of sex partners people in this country have is 26, and I'm starting to believe it.
Trust me when I say I DOUBT he's "too big". You can push out a baby and vaginas can stretch, on average, to fit a 2 liter coke.
But besides that, its just my personal opinion and sooner or later ONE of you will want to have sex. And I doubt you'll be able to last very long without it. But I'm sure there are SOME people that can do it.not weird at all... i was never sexually attracted to my last ex bf...
he was just not.... my... type.................. appearance-wise...
You should tell him how you feel. I don't see how your relationship can grow if you are not comfortable having sex with him. Sexual attraction should be one of the reasons that you are attracted to him, along with him also being physically attractive to you.
Hmmm...maybe you should talk to him about this. It is possible to have a relationship without sex, but it will be a bit hard. Also, you may or may not want to consider if you just like your boyfriend as a friend or as a boyfriend. Because if you two act more like friends than a couple, then it is better for you two to be friends...