Friday, 03 December 2010
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Is Marriage So Last Millennium?
Ever date someone who said, "It's not that I don't love you, I just don't believe in the institution of marriage"?
You probably thought they were BS-ing you because they just weren't that into you. And sure, that might have been true. But the new findings in a national survey by the Pew Research Center could prove that your non-committal fling wasn't fooling around.
According to the new study, 39% of Americans believe that marriage is obsolete. Even more staggeringly, it found that only 52% of all American adults over the age of 18 are married, an all time low.
Will marriage someday become a thing of the past?
My gut tells me that the answer to this question is no, simply because of religion. As long as there are religious people in America, there will be American citizens who are not only pro-marriage, but (at least ideally) take marriage seriously. This is not to say that simply because a person is strong in his marriage convictions that his marriage will not end, but simply that he should, if he practices what he preaches, do whatever he can to make his marriage last, as the saying goes, "Til Death."
But what about the rest of us, who aren't getting married to fulfill a religious obligation for purity? Why are we actually still doing it?
For us girls, we have to admit it-- sometimes it's about having a wedding more than having a marriage. I'm not a proponent of this personally, as I could care less if I have a froofy wedding gown, but to many, many girls, this is still a lifelong dream. As long as there is a Wedding Channel on cable TV (which, don't even get me started on how much pressure that puts on couples to tie the knot in a lavish and self-centered way), there will be marriage, successful or not.
And then of course there's the financial aspect-- having two linked incomes, two opportunities for benefits, and the other financial benefits of marriage are not outside the realm of explaining why the institution prevails. I'm not talking about gold digging here, just the practical reasons why a couple would want to be legally bound to one another (reasons y'all can look up on your own, but you'll see what I mean.) These reasons stand at the forefront of why same sex couples WANT the benefit of having a marriage over a civil union. It just makes sense in most cases.
Yes, like Bob Dylan said, the times they are a-changin', And when it comes to the future of marriage in America, cliche or not, only time will tell.
If you're interested in learning more about the study, you can check out MSNBC's coverage of it here.
Do you guys think marriage will ever be obsolete? If you are or plan to get married someday, what are the real reasons you want to do so?
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About the Author
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- From: KerrSull
- About Me: I'm a 24 year old serial monogamist who oddly thinks she knows everything while continuing to have tons of questions about that crazy little thing called love.
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Comments (31)
As long as there is religion, there will be marriage.
Younger people definitely are getting married early. I am engaged, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
@Aaliyaan@xanga - "like" =)
I definitely believe in the institution of marriage. I think our culture has reached an outrageous level of selfish commitment phobia. But I think the idea of promising your very life to someone who is doing the same for you is truly beautiful. And while I am a Christian my reason for marriage is the very definition of marriage. A covenant. A promise. The ultimate commitment. An unbreakable bond you make during the good times that keeps you bound during the bad times. The point is sharing your life with someone you love, respect, and trust and taking on the world together. It isn't about just you anymore, but I think the institution of marriage will continue to die out bit by bit, because our culture wants it to be just about ourselves so much. We all want to look out for number on eand want to feel justified in doing so.
@Jane - i agree with all of this
except i'm not christian haha
@Jane - agreed
I believe in the institution of marriage, I just think people are going about it wrong. We are losing sight of our deep personal connections in this world of constant electronic interaction and busy busy lives. We focus much more on what really doesn't matter - making money, buying stuff, keeping up with the Jones' (we all do it), and success - we also TRY too hard to be happy. We have always heard that 'money can't buy happiness' but it seems that as a culture we have not learned this lesson. If we simplified and thought about what the other person/people wanted instead of what WE want, this whole thing could work out a lot different.
I don't think marriage will be obsolete, but I do think people aren't getting married for the right reasons which is why I believe more people are getting divorced. Plus, I think people are taking a relaxed approach to marriage nowadays. People forget to agree to disagree on certain things. They think if they can't agree 100% that they weren't meant for each other. I definitely believe in marriage. I understand people generally don't like hard work, but many people don't work hard enough in their relationships. Don't give up, people!
@clandestin_e@xanga - I agree that many people break up over relatively trivial things and concern ourselves less with the bigger picture of life. We definitely need to simplify our lives a bit and live for the things worth having: love, happiness and health.
Marriage is never going to go away. Ever. Religion or not.
I think if I did get married, it would be because I honestly want to stay with the person forever and somehow make it official. I don't want a big wedding. In fact, I'd rather just go to the courthouse and then later, go out to the beach and do a private spiritual ceremony with just the two of us. But I guess for some reason I can't explain, I like the idea of making the relationship officially permanent.
I don't plan on getting married. It's not because I 'fear commitment', it's because the only reason I see to get married is for religious reasons and since I am not religious then..
I also don't require a signed piece of paper to know someone loves me/wants to spend their life with me.Nope, don't think marriage is obsolete. Getting married in 1 month and a 1/2! Marriage is beautiful. Its great to love and have someone love you SO much they promise to love you for the rest of your life. Its like their love for you floods over past the present day onto the rest of your life. Plus, I think marriage is beautiful cause it teaches you how to really love. Like, really love. The type of love that isn't easy and selfish, but is sacrificial. And that God-given ability is very rewarding.
Consummate love! rock on!
I don't think marriage will ever (nor should ever) be obsolete. That being said, there are different things that the word 'marriage' refers to. If it's the legally recognized marriage with the signed papers that's being referred to, than it does appear to be less and less favoured. But if it's the life-long commitment we're talking about, it seems many people do still want it, but as Jane said, the want for self is greater than the want for preserving that sort of commitment.
I guess marriage is like an official promise that I will be there with you no matter what. And treat your love seriously. because I feel like if you two are just boyfriend and girlfriend, you're still trying to see if you two are puzzle pieces really fit together.
i hope it doesnt. marriage is such a beautiful thing, it'd be a shame to see it abused and eventually fade.
I feel like marriage is kind of obsolete.
Maybe divorce rates/ unmarried couple rates are up so high because people live longer and get bored of eachother. Back in medieval times, people were lucky to live until 40, which is why they got married at such a young age and there generally wasn't much divorce. Current day, people are expected to live until 80 or 90 and they get married anywhere from ages 18-35 (on average, I'm sure there's older couples). That's a lot of time to spend with one person, vs back a few centuries ago when we'd probably only spend maybe 15-20 years together with our spouse before we kicked the bucket. I'm pretty sure I don't really want to get married. There's no reason for me to get married, aside from the tax benefits.
@anotherdreamwasted_onyou@xanga - That's pretty much how I feel about it. lol
I'm not religious but I still think that marriage is a great way to show a deep and caring commitment. I think that people get married too quickly, and that modern society is to blame and not marriage itself. People are getting busier, more selfish, and electornically obsessed. We are not used to working things out, we just want things our way, right away.
@Jane - AGREED.
As long as single men can be legally obligated to provide for their offspring, and single women can care for their offspring without a partner, marriage will be obsolete in the sense that it is a social institution that evolved from a woman's need to get some help with her children from someone who doesn't necessarily need to sacrifice as much time and personal resources to ensure the continuation of his genetic line. That's my naturalistic view.
On the other hand, I think the obsolescence of marriage is now determined on an individual basis. People have different reasons for getting married; many have been mentioned already. I am completely unreligious, but I'm not against getting married (again) in the future. My ex-wife is pretty religious, but I think her reasons for marrying me were part wanting to have a wedding and part wanting to be married, rather than wanting to have a marriage or to fulfill dogmatic obligations.
I don't want to get married. At all.
I'm agnostic, but I definitely want to get married. And yes, I know you don't need the paper. I live with my boyfriend so I am essentially already married, in a way. Though I'm not religious, I am a HUGE romantic. I just love weddings and the idea of what they stand for. While, yes, it's good that you yourself know that someone is going to spend the rest of their life with you, there's just something I find in the ceremony that makes it so much more binding. Like saying the vowes to each other, promising what you'll do and what you hope to accomplish in the future with each other and so on. And I don't think weddings have anything really to do with purity at all. The majority of us (including me) as Americans all participate in premarital sex, so it's not like we're really wearing the white dress to symbolize our purity; it's just tradition to have a pretty white dress for your wedding.
@zetta_sexy_surveys@xanga - A little tidbit:
The white dress tradition did NOT start for the purpose of symbolising virginity. A lot of people make this mistake (I use to be one of them).
It started in 1840 where Queen Victoria wore a white dress. Due to that the western world copied Queen Victoria to the point where all of western weddings are in a white dress; in fact, the ENTIRE wedding ceremony is modeled after Queen Victoria's Wedding.
I honestly don't get the point of marriage.
I think this is a really interesting topic! Many people my age have been questioning if they want to ever get married, and if there is any point.
I am secretly a traditionalist and would like marriage to stay around, but I think it may change in our lifetimes, as it is obviously not working with America's sky-high divorce rates. But some other reasons I can think of for why marriage exists:
- Originally, it seems like it was for women to keep men around to care for their children, and in exchange for men to be able to secure their female's virginity.
- The children issue is still important. It still seems best for children to have a stable bond with a male and female role model, and divorce can be a fairly traumatic event
- While it's fun to date around while you're young, it's also nice to know you have a partner with you while you're old. Without marriage comes instability, which also means a higher chance of dying alone.
- A wedding ring is a status symbol. People want to show off that they are married and who they are married to.
- A wedding ring is also an extra check on a person. While people can be in loving, long-term relationships, being married gives a couple a certain level of accountability, and the ring serves as a public stamp to show one isn't single.
I'd like to see society take marriage more seriously. With the growing definition of romantic love has also come a growing selfishness in relationships. It makes sense - you only live for yourself - but people make drastic impacts on other's lives as they push families around just so that they can always feel this fleeting feeling of "love" for someone. I feel like it would be nice if society instilled a stronger sense of responsibility in people for their significant other and their children, and if there was as strong an emphasis on familial love as there is on romantic love and sex.