Wednesday, 01 December 2010
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Losing My Virginity
I always told myself that I would wait until I was married to have sex and I thought I was one of the ones that was actually going to go through with that promise to myself.
Then the inevitable comes along in the form of handsome blue eyes and a nice smile then all of those promises you made to yourself seem to dissipate into non existence.
That's what exactly happened to me, but not to worry, this isn't a story about how I miss him and want him back, oh no. He's the last thing I want in my life and let me tell you "Cowboy Casanova" by Carrie Underwood explains this guy perfectly. I just wish I had her advice before I decided to give him my virginity.He was my best friend when everybody else had left me, as a result of that I had fallen very hard for this guy. I don't want to say I fell in love, because I believe love takes two.
It was the basic story of girl falls for guy, guy doesn't want her but (yes, there's always a "but," isn't there?) he'll go to bed with her then throw her out when hes done. Stupidly I had fallen into his trap and now here I sit today, typing to you about how I lost my virginity over a year ago.
It was my worst experience to date and the pain it caused me was more than I've ever had to handle in my twenty years on this planet. I'm sure you've guessed it already, I do regret ever having sex with him. I, now, have problems with being physical with other guys (and with other guys I mean guy's I've been committed to) because I'm afraid of getting used again. I'm afraid of that pain I felt when I was kicked aside and thrown into the dirt to which took everything in me to get over.
So, to the guy who played me: I want my virginity back. I want my innocence back. I want you to get out of my thoughts, never to cross my mind again because you are the biggest regret of my life.Why can't I hit rewind and go back to the time where I was so foolish and slap myself in the face for falling for that guy's stupid games? I wish I could hit erase and forget he ever existed.
I guess the only positive thing thats come out of that mess was that I'm less naive now about dating. So, please, I'm begging all of you young girls out there who may think that you're in love to just wait. Don't get caught up in this kind of drama and loose something thats so important.How do I forget the past? Have you ever been used?
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- From: UnconventionalButterfly@xanga
- About Me: Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. — Marilyn Monroe
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Comments (80)
Yeah, it just takes time to get over. Learn from your mistakes & move on. That's what I've done, anyway.
Yes, I have been used, played, lied to. It sucks but those kind of experiences taught me lessons that have been VERY helpful.
I won't say time heals all wounds, but it is going to take a while before you can forget. If it becomes a (bigger) problem I would recommend talking to someone about it.
I don't mean to address this to you specifically, but to the weird sort of "virginity cult" that is so very powerful in the US (even if you're not from there):
There's a general confusion between virginity, the physical barrier that is broken in intercourse, and uneven emotional commitments. This whole post, aside from the actual "loss" of virginity, is entirely about emotional commitments.
So as I read it, what your actual advice (and wish) is, is not so much GIRLS, KEEP IT LONGER, it's GIRLS, BECOME MORE EMOTIONALLY MATURE AND AWARE.
What you want is not to be a virgin again, it's to be emotionally mature enough to admit your mistakes and to be able to see a user coming the next time one shows up.
Nuff said.
Virginity doesn't even have to appear in this post.
Virginity isn't something you gift or give away. And being a virgin or not doesn't change the person you are now, and not being a virgin doesn't make you dirty or defiled.
The whole obsession with virginity was because of sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancy. Men wanted to marry virgin women because that would ensure that they are not already carrying someone else's child or a sexually transmitted disease.
So now in the age of contraception, virginity should not be a big deal, and the attitude of this young woman is a great example of how slowly the sexual revolution has progressed in America. Sex isn't dirty or defiling, and not being a virgin isn't a loss of innocence or virtue.
Being used is a terrible thing, but you could treat it as more of a teaching point than a irrevocable mistake. The concept of virginity makes these mistakes seem like they can never be corrected or made better, but things will get better!
I almost made the same mistake, but before we could go through with it he gained a concious, felt bad for what was about to happen, and broke up with me. I was so hurt, but now that I've had a while to recover from the blow, I'm SO GLAD I didn't give my virginity to that jerk.
i totally understand how you feel about wanting to forget about everything!!
i didnt go as far as sex but the experience and memory with the guy haunts me still, and i just want to erase EVERYTHING. sometimes i just wish we had the memory span of a goldfish...just because of this worthless asshole.
still, no can do, so im trying to learn from my mistakes. takes time, but i know ill get there once i find a guy who i truly truly love who loves me back the same way.
I always feel very sad for people who use the term "losing virginity" because it's sad that becoming sexually active feels like a loss. It's sad that virginity felt like a burden to be shed, or something valuable that someone stole, or they traded in or dropped along the way and now miss.
I really encourage my own kids and others to only have sex when and with someone who they won't regret having sex with if the other person eventually makes other choices. yes, I've had people disappear, stop talking to me, lose touch and dump me, and sadly I've regretted opening my heart to some of them.
I'm really sorry you are experiencing this. I have just recently gotten through the worst of this sort of pain in my own life. so I hope that offers you some hope, it will get better.
I didn't regret the sex though. So far I've never regretted sex.
@xpialadocious@xanga - Slow respectful standing ovation. Thank you, thank you, thank you
when i was sixteen i was tricked by a 20 year old guy that i actually thought cared about me. when i lost my virginity he got me drunk and i told him i felt sick and asked him to take me home. he did but wouldn't you know it he wanted to come in to. i remember telling him i wasn't ready but somehow an hour or so later i wasn't a virgin any more. when he was done with me he told me to go clean myself up. when i came back from the bathroom my window was open and he was gone. something to laugh at i still dated that guy who later cheated on me then left without a word or reason.
it hurt me bad, i was so naive and i hung on his every word for truth but it was all a lie. i was very off after that. i hated myself, i hated who i was and it was all because of some guy who means nothing to me now.
what i did to get over it is i went back to being with my friends. not just the guy ones because finding a guy doesn't get you over the last one... but my friends who love me and support me. they're my support system and they're what matters. they really helped me see the light and get my life back and who i was.
I'm a virgin-ish. It means nothing besides I can torture. I doubt I'll care when it goes, like everything else.
@ccccourage@xanga - "I always feel very sad for people who use the term "losing virginity" because it's sad that becoming sexually active feels like a loss. It's sad that virginity felt like a burden to be shed, or something valuable that someone stole, or they traded in or dropped along the way and now miss."
Totally agree here.
I lost my virginity to a guy who is charming and hot and smart but doesn't love me and only wants me for sex. But till date I don't regret because whatever that had happened can't be changed. He used to call me in the middle of the night asking me to go over to his house and sadly because I was so crazy over him I did everything he asked for, including giving him my virginity. Yet if you asked me, we wouldn't have had sex if I rejected him and stayed home instead of going over. Being a virgin or not doesn't makes a lot of difference, it's how you feel about yourself that matters.
i've been used, in almost the same way you have. basically the same. it sucks. you can't do anything but accept the past. and want to punch him repeatedly when you do see him.
It does take two to "tango" but unless he gave you a disease you shouldn't regret it, take it as a learning experience. If you are not ready for a committed relationship, due to your fear of being used again, don't go looking for one. Everyone gets used at some point, take it in stride and learn something.
@ccccourage@xanga - Well spoken, much agreed.
It's unfortunate that you have to feel this way about something that can be so special. You shouldn't dwell on it, but I know that sometimes that's easier said than done. Acceptance will come eventually. Good luck.
Yeah. I was planning on saving myself for marriage up until the moment I lost my virginity. I had dated this boy for three years before it happened. The entire time I was against having sex. We stuck to doing things with our hands, and our underwear never came off.
One day, we were starting to do the usual grinding in our underwear when he asked to move aside my underwear so there was less fabric between us, and more sensation. We had done this a couple times before, so I said sure. The next thing I know, his penis is inside me. It felt okay and I let him keep going, but a year and a half later, I still regret that he didn't respect me enough to ask if I even WANTED to lose my virginity then, and HOW I wanted it to happen. I still feel a small pang of sadness when girls talk about when they decided to lose their virginity, and how, because I had spent a good amount of time fantasizing about exactly how my first time would go, and now I feel robbed of it. It also doesn't help that we broke up about 3 months after having sex, and he was emotionally abusive toward me, especially toward the end where he'd threaten to hurt himself if I refused to see him, or he'd tell me I was to blame for his self-mutilation.
I suppose the only good thing from all of this is I do feel liberated from the burden of virginity. I always wanted my first time to be amazing and with the perfect guy, and now that it's done (ruined...but done) I no longer have that burden.
I am one of those people where my virginity was not important to me. I understand that you feel hurt but I dont know if it is really that you lost your virginity but that you were tricked into thinking he cared or you just want to believe he did and you are using losing your virginity to justify why you hate him.
I guess I do not understand why if it was such a big deal to you, that you would give it away so easily.
@xpialadocious@xanga - agreed.
You can take this as a lesson learned, accept it, and move on. Easier said then done, but that's all you can do now. You can't go back in time to change it, but you can carry this valuable lesson with you and be more aware of your situation next time.
I know that you don't want to be hurt and used again (who would?), so take your time to be physical or intimate with whoever you're committed to - you'll only know when the time is right.
It's funny how people talk about virginity like its an object. They gave it, lost it, want it back...
Virginity is a concept, ok ? Not something you can lose.
Not sexually. Probably emotionally and mentally. And all by my ex's hands. Glad it's over though.
Someone once gave me this advice and it is the truest advice I've ever heard: "It's not important who the first person you had sex with is, only the last person." We all have lovers we regret, and in this day and age the idea of virginity as a sacred thing is being more and more dissipated. Your virginity is after all, just a piece of skin that gets ripped open and we decide to give a value to. It is up to you not to give him the power by feeling that he stole your innocence and purity. You are not tainted because you made a mistake, and when you find that right, last person you'll have sex with, then all of those mistakes will be forgiven and forgotten, and the innocence of being in love will be restored to you.
Virginity is overrated. You know who matters? The person that gets to marry you and spend the rest of your life with you. The first person you ever slept with? He's just some asshole that didn't make it to your present or future. My first time? Forgettable. Nothing remarkable about it at all, other than the pain, and I've created a mental block so I don't ever think about it. If virginity is that important to you, renew your vow with God that you will abstain from sex until marriage and be a "Born-Again Virgin". Save yourself for the right guy if you wish.
You know what? Other girls that aren't virgins get used for sex too, so don't feel like you're the only one that's been there. It happens. As long as there are inexperienced girls, and hopeful girls and girls in love, there will be girls who get taken advantage of for sex. Trust me, I wasn't a virgin and I got taken advantage of because I was hopeful that he cared and because I was inexperienced in the ways of men. You live and you learn. If you let this one single experience stop you from getting close to people, then you're an idiot. Sorry to put it so harshly, but it's the truth. Shit happens, we learn to get over it.@sugarxspeaks@xanga - AGREED! :)