My ex and I have been separated for 3 years. Our divorce is not finalized yet and now we've decided to come to an agreement in order to stop the attornys fees.
He cheated on me twice during our marriage and I decided to end it.
The funny thing is that he moved out and rented a place right on my street, literally two minutes walking distance. So we bump into each other quite often, and it's been so frustrating for me specially that I get to see him with his girl friends. He keeps changing girl friends and I guess does mind me seeing him. He used to call me a lot in the beginning when I would see them, until I got into a fight with him and his calls stopped.
Last week I had to call him regarding our divorce, he started crying and talking about memories we shared togethers, things we did, all the fun things, and that nobody can replace me, these girls are all temporary, and that he's not happy. I really want to know what's going on in his mind because for the past six months he's been with this one girl.
Now that we're getting closer to finalizing the divorce, he's being so nice to me. He sends me pix of us together, pictures of his childhood.
Can someone tell me what he might be up to?
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Comments (23)
Don't mind his actions at all, hes just being an idiot just get the divorce and move on....
Everyone goes through this with at least one ex. They mess up something they knew was great, date other people to make you jealous then when you stop paying attention to them they break down and beg for you to see their good side. But cheating more than once, can you truly trust him again after that? I think overall it's not being with you he's upset about, it's you not being with him.
He's selfish. He wants one woman to commit to, and a few other temporary ones. Uncool.
It's all in the past and you should continue with the divorce. There's nothing that can be done to fix(as it has gone to this point..)
He sounds manipulative. You should probably move further away after the divorce is final.
He's testing the waters and hasn't found a girl yet who can replace you. Therefore his cries are out of fear, not genuine devotion. I can't stand men of this nature. if I were you, I'd finalize the divorce as quickly as possible and get on with life... the man is from what I can tell, manipulative. Take caution wisely. Hang out with your guy friends and girl friends to keep your mind and emotions from wandering back.
Get the divorce. I firmly believe in once a cheater, always a cheater.
Divorce. He's only trying to wield you back in and chances are the cheating might happen again. Let it be a sign to him that he screwed up twice big time and that he needs to pay for it.
If cheating was all my ex did, I'd simply leave him without further word.
That's breaking your trust, and he will do it again.
I had a similar experience with an ex boyfriend, and the conclusion I came to was that any time he was lonely and wanted attention, he wanted to try and get it from me. I agree with the prior comment that your ex is selfish because it seems like he's not thinking about anything in your best interests. I would recommend setting up some clear boundaries so you don't get hurt by his inability to keep his stuff together.
move.
He sounds manipulative. He's stringing you along. He cheated on you twice. Finalize the divorce and move on. Don't let him walk all over you and your feelings.
a man worth your love will not require you to decipher his feelings and actions towards you.
find someone that you can truly love
he's a playboy afraid of being alone
he wants someone to be committed to him, but he doesn't really want to fully commit to the person in return as evidenced by his cheating. he's only trying to be especially nice to you once he realizes that he's going to lose you, how insincere
I met a guy like this last year, wasn't married to him though, but I told him off harshly about all the things he did to hurt me that he casually dismissed and never want to talk to him again. my advice is good riddance to him.
He's being selfish, inconsiderate, and probably starting to regret whatever he did to you since the end is coming near that you two won't be tied in any way any longer. My advice to you is to get the divorce finalized and move on.
If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn't had cheated on you and you two wouldn't had been separated for three long years (adding to the fact that he has been going to girls from girls).
My question to you is what do you want? Maybe you should answer that for yourself.
My ex-husband did the same exact thing as yours, but I left it alone. What is done is done and what I want and need in my life wasn't him. We both just wasn't on the same page and I'm glad I left him.
@PseudoEuphoric@xanga - Perfectly said!
I know the memories seem pleasant, but he's only being manipulative. You're so much better off without him. Hang in there!
It sounds, from the reading, that he moved in so close to you so that he could have his home meal waiting while he snacks wherever his hat may land, if you understand the frame of reference.
He wants his cake, and to eat it, too.
Guess what? It never changes. Been there, done that.
Question: do you two have kids? If not, was he the primary breadwinner anyway?
Either way, it could be alimony or child support he is spooked by. It could be that he is spooked that after he's already eaten through the open girls, he'll have no one to "come home" to. It could be that he fancies a menage au trois someday. I don't know - I don't know his story.
I know that you have already stated that he has wandered off on several occasions. Shared memories? Fine. Tell him, "Thanks for the memories - like the memories of you wandering while we were still together, as well as the memories of our first date and such - are now over. As are we."
Sit down. Write your memories - the good, the bad, and the ugly. Upon the final signature of the divorce agreement, burn the sheets of paper - don't hold his screw-ups against the next guy, and don't hold expectations he placed against the next guy, either.
Once finalized, move. He'll likely ask for, "One last time, for old time's sake".Nuh-uh. He's opting for you as a pocket playmate - someone to keep handy once his tap runs dry.
He wants one to keep, and several to rent. In this day of difficulties with medical insurance, what say you to the possibilities of contracting herpegonorrsyphillaids? Is he still so charming?
As Dan Savage [Savage Love] would say, DTMFA. I'll let you Google that one.
I've been in a situation that is similiar to this. My ex and I have been broken up for two years but he would text me and say that he missed me even though he has a girlfriend, they've been dating 6 months and she LIVES with him and his mom. Talk about loser. He knows I have a bf too but he asked me for naked pics. He said he missed my body and still loved me. He told me that he didn't even care about her feelings at all. For a minute, he made me think about my feelings (with my ex and current bf). He deleted all his texts asking for such things so that his gf wouldn't see it. One day we were texting and his gf saw our texts. We had scheduled to meet up and discuss his feelings, in general. Well then his gf got ahold of his phone and he lied about everything! I would take responsibility for talking to him and questioning myself but he didn't take responsibility for anything. He lied about everything!
My advice to you: Don't do it. He wants his cake and eat it too. He is manipulative. He's had his chance and cheated TWICE. You can't trust this guy no matter how much he apologizes. He doesn't miss you, really. He just wants to keep you on a tread when one of his flings don't go through. If you two got back together, he'd treat you the same way. A guy realizes what they have but he took advange of you and still does. He knows you are always there and he takes you for granted. He knows you are a quality girl and he goes to you over the other flings because he knows you are vulnerable. You need to put your foot down and listen but not let it effect you. If he's cheated twice, he'll do it again and can't be faithful. Let him go.
Ask yourself why you are getting a divorce in the first place. If it is something that absolutely can't be fixed, you might just want to cut whatever ties you have with him. It's extremely hard for you to move on when he is constantly around and making you feel insecure and confused.
He's just trying to be a jerk and show that he still has an effect on you and your emotions. Continue with that divorce, GIRL!(:
Maybe its because I am a guy, or maybe its because I am naive, take your pick...
Maybe he realizes what he did before; I think he want feels resentment for himself inside. I think you shouldn't look too deep. We guys generally aren't too deep with our emotions.
Clearly something is hurting him. I think it is himself and his past. He moved close-by because he doesn't really want to go. He fucked up, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you (it just means he's a loser who can't keep his junk in his jeans and is insecure about himself). Men = bad self-control. It takes a lot to say no to a hot chick who is swaying her breasts in front of you.
He tried to move on. All this "jealousy" crap... no, he wanted to forget you. Now he has realized he can't. So he is trying everything to get you to notice him again. Not only notice, but start over (by that, I mean forget that he fucked up and forgive him). Not that you should, but its what he wants.
So what is he up to? Feeling sorry for himself, feeling sorry for what he put you through, and realizing that there may be no way he can get you back into his life, though he wants you back immensely.
We aren't that deep ladies.....
It is in the nature of man to be unfaithful. i do not know the cause that forces him to be like that, but, i am sure he really feels a strong appreciation for you. Crying is not enough. he must testify with convincing actions that he wants to correct the errors to accept him back. Otherwise, you will have to make a decision. http://bit.ly/h7HMxN
dont fall for it. hes still dating and if he was really serious he would do something about it. just forget him. =T