Tuesday, 30 November 2010
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What Is She Thinking?
I feel so stupid for analyzing this small stuff but I can't help it.
I can't figure out how she feels about me. She hangs out with me a lot (not every time I want to, almost though).
When we watch TV or a movie she sits super close to me. She shares a blanket with me. Sometimes she puts her legs on top of mine. She even started a tickle fight with me last night (probably not the smartest of activities to engage in). But at the same time she will call me "a friend" now and again in conversation (but then again what else would she call me?) and she never seems to mention me when she's on the phone with someone and they're asking about what she is doing.
The other night as we sat next to each other watching Boy Meets World she was texting some other guy the whole time. She's never done that before. I snuck a few peeks and saw his name and I don't know any guy she knows by that name. I know she "got tricked into a double date" (her words) a couple weeks back. I wonder if it's him.
It infuriated me. It also kind of intimidated me. If another dude is involved I tend to retreat. It's not good. I need to fight that instinct.
Anyway, she came with me to my grandpa's funeral service today. I officiated it. It was really good having her there. All week she's had the perfect words for me. We've had fun. It's been only positive interaction the last several days.But I can't tell where she stands. I want to tell her how I feel but it'd be a lot easier if I knew how she felt. I assume she is conflicted. At the least she is lonely and using me slightly (which is wrong but very understandable). I don't know what to think.
Any wisdom out there?
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About the Author
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- From: ToastersNMilkshakes@xanga
- Name: Travis
- About Me: I'm honest.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 3 Views: 0 8101 Comments: 0 104 View all posts by ToastersNMilkshakes@xanga
Comments (61)
Talk to her. That's really the only way you can get this all out in the open and know exactly what's going on. She seems to care about you, but some girls can get flirty and close to a guy without having any feelings for him, and without thinking about how he feels about her. Its also possible that she has feelings and is not sure what to do...Tell her how you feel, ask how she feels, and clear this up.
Ask her.
Communicateeee. Girls don't want to share feelings if they don't know if the guy likes them or not too. And giving it a shot and talking is better than being confused.
Talk to her.
Tell her. You won't stop wondering until you do. And furthermore, if you never do and she slips away, you'll always wish you had.
If she only wants to be friends, you need to already be decided on whether or not you'd be interested in that (AND if you think you'd be able to get over her & handle it.)
Life is short and unpredictable. Take a chance.
Talk to her!
Sounds like you're in the friend-zone.
And to clarify why, I never ever ever use the word "friend" if I am interested in the guy as something more. I only use that term if I want to make sure the guy is clear that we are ONLY friends.
Texting another guy when with you? Again. Females don't do that. Unless it's like a bff guy friend, which is what you sound like. And if she had one, you'd know about it. If she were to be texting a FEMALE, then that wouldn't mean anything, but a guy? You're a friend.
Finally, if she doesn't mention you when she is talking to someone on the phone it's because she is trying to make sure that whomever (male or female) would feel free to invite her along if they are calling to make plans. Let me ask you, has she ever left to hang out with someone else after hanging out with you because she received a phone call?
Like everyone is saying, just ask her if you want to be sure...but I think the way she is acting is clear enough.
Well, for people who are allowed to date and have feelings, I don't know what that would be like. I'm forced to be in horrible relationships for various reasons that I stray away from them altogether. I'd say back off and let her have what she wants. Don't let her be yours though, if she isn't treated you properly. Let her know that you are into serious dating at the moment.
In all honesty i think you should disregard the topic of "where she stands" because in reality you don't have any control over it. You should focus more on how you feel about her and be true to your own feelings rather than worrying about it. If you like her and want to tell her then by all means you should go for it. Life is too short to play guessing games, dude. If you want to know how she feels about you, ask her!
I am a little worried that she is using you to feel admired. A LOT of girls will hang out with guys who like them just for the emotional boost of knowing they are the center of someone else's thoughts and feelings. But, you haven't mentioned ever making how you feel clear to her, so it could be what I said above, or it could be that she is waiting for you to tell her what you are thinking so that she can feel safe enough to tell you what she feels back.
Either way, the only way to be sure is to have the conversation. Awkward, nerve-racking, vulnerable as it is...you will be glad you did. If she is into you WONDERFUL! If she is just using you to inflate her own ego, please do everyone a favor and don't hold out hope and wait around in admiration, cut your losses and find someone who does have a big old crush on you just like you have on them.
Confess!
Coming from experience, I believe she likes you (more than friends) and is afraid you don't feel the same so she mentions that you're only a friend when you're around and doesn't mention you to her friends when you're around because they know how she feels and she doesn't want them giving it away. I'd say make a move next time you're watching tv/movie together and see what happens.
@makerm7@xanga - I second your words.
@Jane - I don't agree with you that a girl will hang out with guys who like them because they need an emotional boost. Men tend to be wonderful friends towards women they are interested in.. unfortunately most women don't realize some of these guys are interested in them (the author as an example.. his "friend" probably has no idea) and Its not anyone's priority to determine whether a new friend likes them "like that" before they befriend him or her. So if a girl can be friends with another girl, she can do the same with a guy without others thinking she's just in it for an emotional boost. FYI, the girl (or guy) probably has a ton of other ppl who like her, so emotional boost would be least of his/her concerns.
To the author, I can't speak for all women, but from my own experience. If I like a guy, I will eventually tell him so by bringing up the question of "where are we headed" if he hasn't brought it up to me first. Another clue before that conversation strikes, would be that I will be very interested in his interests and remember little details about him that may surprise him... its not because I'm trying to brown nose, its because I truly like him, therefore I want to learn everything about him.
I probably wouldn't be going to a funeral with just some guy friend that I don't have feeling for. But hey maybe that's just me. So I would say something.
talk to her. tell her how you feel.
Talk to her and find out where the hell you two stand. Advice isn't going to get simpler than that, I'm afraid.
Best of luck!
@makerm7@xanga - She's never left if she didn't have plans already organized days before. I guess I somehow neglected to mention in this post that we dated before. We've been broken up for quite a while now (I'm talking like 9 months). And we've been growing closer in recent months. So now I'm getting confused.
@lovezpassion@xanga - She remembers those details and all that kind of jazz. I mean, she knows me better than anyone. Like I told makerm7, we use to be together until I walked away at the beginning of the year.
Advice? Ask her, openly and honestly. Don't ask us, ask HER.
This happened with me and my guy before we started dating. We were friends for, literally, years, until both of us were single and we were always ending up talking and hanging out a LOT. I was getting so frustrated because I didn't know what was going on, and I wanted him to take the initiative. Save yourselves both frustration and just be up front.
Good luck.
How about asking her?
@ToastersNMilkshakes@xanga - ah, so YOU walked away from a relationship you both shared... well that changes a lot. She may be interested but hesitant as she doesn't want a repeat of what happened in the past. Good luck to you, it sounds like you really need to ask her what she's feeling.
@ToastersNMilkshakes@xanga - Hmm, yeah the fact that you dated definitely adds a different spin to all of this. Now I am as confused as you are. ^_^ Good luck!
im in the same situation but she has a bf... :/
Just ask her.
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