Monday, 29 November 2010
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Just a Quickie: Should I Feel Guilty That My Boyfriend Always Pays?
My boyfriend has a job and I don't. He always pays for everything whenever I can't squeeze money out of my parents.
I actually just got hired somewhere, but I don't start until next week. So when I get my first paycheck, I was going to take him out somewhere and pay to make up for all the times he has.
What do you think? When we both receive income, do we split the check or take turns? Or should I pay for a while to make up to him?
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- From: kyrie1220@xanga
- Name: Chelsea
- About Me: I write
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Comments (55)
Nah. It's he who wants to pay, just don't let him use that against you in an argument D:
You shouldn't feel guilty..you got a job and you can both just start taking turns together. I did that with my bf when I had a job and I'm currently looking now =/
I had a boyfriend who liked to pay, but I know he always didn't have money so I would FORCE him to let me pay. I'd have to rip the check from his hands sometimes. Then we ended up taking turns. I pay, he'd pay. We'd pay for ourselves. Depends what's going on and who invites who out to do stuff.
Let him pay since he has a job. But, it'd be nice if you could help once you start making money.
If he wants to pay and he never tells you that he wants the money back then I wouldn't pay. My boyfriend wants to pay for me whenever we're out or at a store or something.
It doesn't really matter. It's really between the two of you. If he likes paying, let him pay, but if you feel guilty about it, start picking up the check. It's pretty simple.
You should feel more guilty about "squeezing money" out of your parents.
My boyfriend never lets me pay for dinner. He thinks it's embarrassing to have a woman pay the restaurant bills. He's pretty traditional about gender roles, but not like... against women working lol. He certainly doesn't buy anything else for me unless its a gift.
well it shows us that you have backbone, but I would still prefer to be the one paying all the time.
Maybe next time when you do have money and you guys go out, offer to pay and see what happens. One thing is for certain...I would NEVER split the check at a restaurant with my bf. If he were to do that to me, I would feel like something was wrong and it would bother me a lot.
im a guy and i pay for my dates.
when its a special event and he covers it, just dont question it.
but when ever you 2 are just going out to some where like friendly's for the heck of it,
then yea, pay for your stuff. or at least pay tip. we'll cover if you get tip XD
Splitting checks in an established relationship seems... impersonal. However, it is wrong because in a way you ARE using him for free meals. PLEASE don't tell me you don't feel even the slightest amount of guilt.
Dating is prostitution; guys have to pay for sex one way or another.
@xXDC_luyouXx - I don't think shes using him at all!!! What a horrible thing to say =\ She even offered to start paying for things and make it up to him so I don't see your logic at all Mr.Cheepo!
I think its great if you want to take him out on a date and pay.You can switch turns when you go out or something. Sounds like you have a great boyfriend! ^_^
if he pays dont feel guilty, he would say something if he was fed up or didnt want to. but if you want to make it up to him then so be it
I think you've got the situation handled. In my opinion, it makes sense that the one who has a job should help throw in a little more, but you're taking him out and paying, which I think is a really nice appreciative gesture.
After that I would take turns or split the check.When I'm in a relationship I try to be as fair as possible. If I ask him to see a movie or go out to eat, I pay. Sometimes the guy still wants to pay but if I ask, I feel like I should pay. I would feel bad asking him out to eat and then not paying. If I'm broke I don't mention going out to eat or anything. If the guy has money he'll say let's go eat here or there and I'll mention that I'm broke and it's not a problem.
If you feel guilty, don't let him do it, especially if you can afford to pay yourself. Do whatever is comfortable.
@xXDC_luyouXx - we have to listen to ya'lls crappy jokes and your stories a million times over, we deserve a free lunch here and there mister!
@Gorrific@xanga - Exactly what I was thinking. Why are they paying so you can go on dates?
I wouldn't date a guy who wouldn't pay. I'm only ok with paying sometimes, like for his birthday or something. If a guy doesn't like it, he's not man enough for me, because he must be cheap. And if any girls want to accuse me of being anti-feminist, I'm not dating you, am I? So it's really not your concern. You don't want a guy who would pay for you anyway.
@starcrossedloversdivine@xanga - @chakram54@xanga - I have only dated guys hwo are like a hybrid of what these two described. they never let me pay, and they never wanted to split the check.
I split the check if i'm eating with a friend.
(note: i don't pick them BECAUSE of this, they've all just happened to be that way. they pay even if theyr'e not eating)
It's not that I asked once t pay, I would try to sneak it in, but they just didn't want me to pay.
SO I say if he wants to , let him, but if there's ever a chance, pay or him as a treat like you said =]
i wouldn't feel guilty at all because i would pay the next time.
My husband has always paid for the meals since day 1. That is just the kind of man he is. It used to make me feel guilty because I didn't have a job back then, but it no longer does since I have my own income now. Occasionally though, I pay every now and then when he lets me ( which is rare!). But whenever I do not pay, I still like to buy him small things on the side like his favorite foods so I can cook him up something special. But I do tend to leave the tip though. I tend to split the check when I'm going out to eat with girlfriends. I find it a turn off whenever a man wants a woman to pay. I'll probably get a lot of shit about that but whatever.
That depends: is he paying because he wants to? If so, you have nothing to feel guilty about.
I wouldn't let a guy always pay, but that's me. I have a friend right now who has been paying for coffee recently and it's weird for me. When my ex visited me he paid for almost everything, save lunch once, and I felt bad.
this is a tangent from your question, but it does somewhat bother me that if the tables were turned this whole time, people would say you're dating a scrub. why are girls allowed to get away with this? (referring to pre-job, not post-job.)