Monday, 29 November 2010

  • My Last Letter To You


    Now I know what its like to be stabbed repeatedly and left for dead on the side of the road because of you.

    You were malicious in how you took my heart, my trust, everything I had while pretending to be everything I would ever need. You betrayed to me. You lied to me. You played me. 

    I've been a prisoner within my own mind because closure is something you never allowed me to have. I do believe I deserve closure, are you so inhumane you'll deprive me of such? Do I really mean that little to you? Did I ever mean anything to you? I've been asking myself why I'm not worth an hour of your time, just to ease my mind, would it be so hard for you?

    Are your demons really that intense that they cloud your heart or are you really that heartless. The whole time you unraveled me strand by strand did it ever cross your mind I might be fragile? I didn't think you'd ever break me but you shattered me. A strong girl I've always been but you made me weak, you broke me, you destroyed me.

    I cried myself to sleep for weeks. What did I do wrong? What didn't I do right? Why am I not enough? Why was I so stupid?

    I placed the title of 'rebound' on myself and still I was dumb enough to fall for it, and fall for you. I'm so much smarter than this. I'm so much stronger than that.

    I feel like you won and you know I hate losing, you know I hate not being in control. Why would you strip me so bare and just walk away and not once look back. You never seen me cry, you never heard my pain. I can't take having all this fogging up my brain. I need to release you from my thoughts, I need to drain you from my mind. 

    Someday I hope to be healed from this pain you've dealt me. I wish I could shake it. I wish I could forget you but I don't regret you.

    I'm sure there are demons within you that are causing you to be so cold. I looked into those brown eyes, I know you're a good soul, so why such a heartless act? Did you get off on hurting me? Was hurting me your goal all along? If so, job well done.

    I've had my heart broken before and I've been able to piece it back together, but you, you shattered it. I don't know if I will ever be able to make sense of this because you refuse to give me the tools to do it with.

    Every day I wonder if you'll come to your senses and give me the closure I need and deserve, then I think I'm better off not knowing the 'whys' of it all.

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Comments (9)

  • eckspel@xanga

    all I can say is touche. If I could go back in time to when this happened to me, I would have tried to get over it anyways instead of wasting a month on ignored text messages and no-where phone calls.
  • daniphantomz@xanga

    My solution to a jerk that broke your heart? Junk-punch. Then ice cream.
  • superGchik@xanga

    i know first hand that sometimes closures don't help either.  the pain will never really goes away.  for me, i just try not to think about it and try to go on with my day even though i'm dying inside.  
  • kilikijay@xanga

    wow. in many ways, this is how I feel about my current situation except mine is with a friend and not a boyfriend...although he is/was/idk a boy friend.  I know closure doesn't always help but in my case, I honestly feel like closure will help me to be able to forgive.
  • anonymous

    I'm going through the exact same thing right now. It's been three months and it still hurts to this day. I'm able to go on with my daily life but I wake up in the middle of the night still sad/confused/angry because I was never allowed closure. It hurts even more that he's now over-seas in Afghanistan. I hope we're both able to find peace with our situations. I don't know you and I know this wont mean much right now, but just remember that you're worth so much more than what he's made of you. 
  • myheart_takeitdontbreakit@xanga

     I love this, it speaks to me very clearly. Ugh.. thoughts. Thank you for writing out what I feel. It helps.
  • blufrogz37@xanga

    I felt this way too...it took a few years to get thru my broken heart...but my ex-girlfriend made her decision to break up w/ me...and 12 years later I found a woman worth my heart, and haven't looked back. 
  • akarui_mitsukai@xanga

    ...I have been here before. *hugs* It's rough. Mine took years to recover, and I still feel like parts of my heart are missing sometimes, you know? Or have been boarded up for safe-keeping. :/ *HUGS*

    Thanks for sharing,
    ~*Akarui Mitsukai*~
  • phuck_diz_shiz@xanga

    this reminds me of me.....Turning the clock 4 years back...I wrote so
    many of those posts on my Xanga asking myself what I have done wrong to
    make him leave me

    I was the perfect gf, we didnt fight or anything....
    I saw him once a month for 2hrs and I was okay with it
    I never got my closure as to why he wanted to break up with me
    Went to his all guy school and waited outside for him so he can tell me the truth
    & he never showed up
    I went a week without eating cause i was too depressed
    I still never got my closure...but his friends told me the truth

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