...you need a human being.
Disclaimer:
There is no one simple formula for a successful and permanent relationship. This post is no attempt to provide a universal relationship formula. I am merely attempting to provide an opinion on a brief scale within the wide spectrum of relationships. I would beg those who disagree or have had different experiences to keep this in mind.It has always been my opinion that many relationships fail because of a lack of realistic expectations. I myself have often used men for my emotional needs; taking and taking all they could offer, and never thinking about the long term consequences of the relationship. As a result, they became increasingly committed, whereas I basked in the attention and love, not even thinking about tomorrow.
On the other hand, I have been in relationships in which I gave everything I had to offer emotionally, physically, materialistically... I did everything possible to ensure myself of their affection and time.
Suddenly finding myself twenty and single for a somewhat longer period of time, I realized that I had never loved anyone for who they were, or how special they were. I easily transferred emotions to the next man who came along, because he could offer exactly that which I had valued in every other man before him. I had never cared about the friendship aspect. All I desired was their affection and attention.
I had been craving nothing but a lover.But you don't need a lover. You need a human being. You need a friend. You need someone with flaws, and unique characteristics, quirks, peeks, peeves, and habits. Someone who is special to you; different from everyone else. A relationship is more than just the affection and the caresses. It's more than just the sex. It's more than the gifts and compliments.
I think what everyone should strive for, is a relationship with someone whom you would not forsake even if they were left quadreplegic and disfigured after a horrible injury. Someone who would not forsake you if you were diagnosed with multiple sclerosis; who would stay with you even as you deteriorated to nothing.
But that is not a lover. That is a human being. That is a friend, a partner, a mate.
Naturally,
being lovers is a crucial element of a relationship. Intimacy is
important. But it is
not the
sole factor, and it should
not be the defining factor.
At the end of the day, you want someone who is a lover, a friend, a partner, and a mate.
You want a human being.
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Comments (22)
Agreed.
Beautifully put and so, so true.
Very well put. A lot of people aren't consciously looking just for sex, but they don't realize that all they have is a lover, that they're settling and lacking in deep compatibility and emotional intimacy. I think this is especially a young person's mistake.
love this!
True dat.
this is the lamest corniest hunk of shit!! whatever ... u need a human being.....pffftt to say the very least...way to point out the obvious!! sure anyone would say that they would stay with the other if they were in a disfiguring accident but thats only a nice thing to say because unless that happens one would never kno the truth. LAME!
I think it's usually more fulfilling for both partners if we make a space in our lives for the awesome someones we meet, based on who they are and what they offer, than if we find people to plug holes in our lives.
I do have wants and needs, but I find I can get most of them filled, most of the time by the rich assortment of people in my life. Sometimes my lover is my best friend too, and that's awesome, but sometimes it's ok for someone to just be a lover and let others fill the other roles.
Luckily I have a very realistic view of relationships and of my bfs (long and gone, here and now) and that I already understand that and accept that about my bf now. Nice post. It's good to have a reminder for some people that don't understand or don't remember.
This is wonderful. Bravo!
This is one of the best datingish posts ever!! <3
Amazing. I totally agree. <3
"You need a friend. You need someone with flaws, and unique characteristics, quirks, peeks, peeves, and habits. Someone who is special to you; different from everyone else. A relationship is more than just the affection and the caresses. It's more than just the sex. It's more than the gifts and compliments."
That's it! My boyfriend just considers me his lover. He doesn't want to share things with me, he just wants to have sex and be affectionate. RELATIONSHIPS FUCKING SUCK.
I always said that about someone on love. I used it as a Burn Theory of who would stay with another lover if their partner was burned from head to toe and looked completely different. I used to say when I was about your age about how I thought love was. I based people on their interior as opposed to their appearance. By interior I mean loyalty, actions, integrity, honesty, truth, and kindness.. The description of beauty for modern USA is askew.
*hug*
You are a good writer. On certain levels I can relate to you.
Peace and Love, Azu
Love. =]
Yes.
Lovely.
:)
a lover is a human being. (well, generally speaking). i do agree with finding that friendship aspect of a relationship. it's very important.
Makes sense and I agree.
Kudos!
We traced each ther's bodies in sidewalk chalk after pretending to shoot each other with our fingertips. Then we drew the blood with the pink chalk.
Bahah. That picture is of my friend Rob and his ex-girlfriend Emily. True story. :) They had literally the WORST breakup in the history of breakups about three years ago.
They were madly in love, though, so I guess that would be why.