A few days ago I wrote
"How I Distinguish the Gentlemen from the Jerks." Well, I guess I spoke too soon considering
I haven't heard from the boy at all this week. I hung out with him last Friday night and things were great. He drove me home the next morning, gave me a kiss and said he would see me later that night (I had a fashion show for a group I'm in and he said he would come to it). My phone died while I was setting up for the fashion show so I wasn't able to ask him if he was still coming but I assumed he would just show up. He didn't.
I texted him the following day asking how he was and saying he should have came to the show. No response. I jumped to grab my phone every time it beeped hoping it would be him. It wasn't. He usually texts back right away so I knew something was up. That's when I saw on his facebook status that his phone was broken...the joys of facebook stalking! So I waited a few days, thinking he would get in touch with me when his phone was fixed. No such luck.
I texted him Thursday night to ask him how he has been. Once again, no answer. That's when I got really upset. There's no way he hadn't gotten at least some type of replacement phone in the four days that had passed. My friends told me to try calling him but I didn't want to have the whole awkward "why are you ignoring me" talk so I sent one more text Friday afternoon asking if something was up. Still nothing. My best friend dialed his number to see if maybe it was still broken. It rang and then went to his voicemail. Pretty sure that means it's not broken...but I guess I could be wrong.
I just don't understand what happened. If he suddenly decided he doesn't want to hang out, hook up, or simply talk to me anymore, he should tell me. Because not knowing what happened is killing me inside. I guess what this all means is that "gentlemen" may not really be gentlemen. And if he was one, he would at least have the decency and respect to get in touch with me. It's not the fact that he probably doesn't like me anymore that is most upsetting, it's the fact that he basically just fell off the face of the earth. I need closure or something so I can stop over-analyzing the entire situation and being a man-hater.
I'm a pretty pessimistic person so I doubt anything good will come out of the situation, but maybe there is a slight chance that he still does like me and just never got any of my texts. But why would he not want to talk to me at all the whole week? Oh and we were supposed to reschedule a date. I guess that won't be happening...
What do you think I should do? Any hope that he really is a gentleman?
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Comments (59)
Awe I'm sorrry to hear that. It is unfair how people can't live up to their promises.
Some guys are just charmers, & it's all a facade. Just move in, he's not giving you the time of day.
He wasn't a gentleman at all, love. They just act like it to get what they want then they move on. You want a real guy? Don't give it out so easily and see what happens. Trust me it will be a huge differance and a true eye-opener. You keep setting yourself up to get heartbroken, ever think of trying something new.....like, not hooking up with a guy who you aren't in a relationship with? I'm not trying to be rude here, its just a suggestion. Just loose his number. Happy Thanksgiving <3
Hate to suggest the possibility, but you just might be doing something wrong that we can't deduct for you. None of us are there in person when you guys are hanging out and there might be details missing from your story that you're not thinking to mention. If you have this rotten luck all the time, you might be the common denominator.
Well, that sucks. The positive news is that you're absolutely beautiful and clearly intelligent. There is no way you'll have trouble finding a guy who truly cares about you. I say just forget about it. There are way too many nice guys out there to waste your time on the jerks!
I can understand why you need closure but maybe try adopting a more positive perspective on things and then the need for closure won't be as severe, i.e think to yourself, "If it's worth it, he'll be in touch, if not, then I'm better off without" Try and view it as more of a win-win situation no matter how pissed off you might be at the moment - it'll make you that little bit more relaxed
I had the same thing a while ago, a guy i was like casually seeing just stopped talking to me full stop. I got drunk and texted him something stupid and he called me and said he was sorry he just stopped talking to me like that, he just thought we were getting too serious as he just got out of a long term relationship. It was all fine by then of course, I wasn't looking for serious-ness either but sometimes they just don't know what to say so they just stop talking to you. I guess its logical in their mind lol
You just have to forget him. Sometimes people just lose interest or find someone else and they just don't have the balls to say it to your face. They just act like a jerk until you stop calling.
His phone could still be broken. Why don't you try talking to him in other ways, email, facebook, etc. If he ignores everything then either something serious in his life is going on, or he's just trying to ditch you.
He wasn't a gentleman. I hate to be blunt, but he would've sent letters by carrier pigeon if he had to to tell you that his phone was broken, if he was that interested. But trust me, they gentlemen are out there. Sometimes the jerks are just clever and can fool you. Sorry that happened to you. ):
seems like he didn't want to go to the fashion show but he said that he would go to appease you at the moment. he didn't want to directly reject your fashion show invitation because he didn't want to rain on your parade, so he made up an excuse later that his phone is broken to avoid you inviting him to another fashion show that he doesn't want to go to. I think he just wants to hookup and not attend events as if you're a couple, because he sees this as something casual, no strings attached and no obligations to hang out or text you back type of thing because you aren't his actual gf. I think you might get too attached and care too much to be involved in these casual relations and expect the jerks to act like gentlemen, but they don't really care since it isn't a serious relationship.
@JusticeCho@xanga - Agreed
Really? You can't see how someone could go over a week without a phone? Some people can, and do. I wouldn't be surprised if he gets his phone back, sees the texts, and decides to stay far away from someone so clingy.
I had a similar experience a while ago. And after ignoring me for a while, we got together for a few months - he made up some exuse, but I was inclined to believe him because I liked him so much. In the end, nothing good came out of this. He never genuinely liked me..I'm still struggling to forget him.
I feel that this guy of yours doesn't really care much about you. And honestly, it's much better that it happened now than, say, a few months down the line when you'd be much more attached to him. In your previous post, you said you like meeting new guys every weekend..so I guess it won't be that hard to find someone new for you anyway.
But hey, I don't know him, I don't know you, and all of this comes from reading your post. So I could be wrong.
@Mangonese@xanga - He could find some other ways to contact her..through facebook, whatever..In this day and age, I think that means of communication aren't lacking.
maybe he got a serious accident?
how many texts did you send? 2 in a week? if so, i don't think it would be unreasonable for you to ask if he's not interested anymore, and if so, then why (if you're interested in knowing). if you had sent 3 i'd say it's a bad move.
the only thing you're risking by doing so is that if he IS interested, but just unavailable for whatever reason, he'll think you're clingy. at least, i would. but i also wouldn't have set the precedent he did, with the quick text responses and frequent hanging out.
finally, i'd like to add taht he's not necessarily a jerk just because he lost interest. it's difficult to have that conversation with someone. not everyone's assertive enough to do it.
@bladegurl@xanga - Still, she's talking like it's been a week TOPS. If she can't go a week without talking to this guy, she needs to reconsider how she defines herself. Insecure much?
i think you shouldn't text him so often. if anything, just text him like once a week. if he feels like you're pestering him or being too clingy, he'll run away. just give him space. maybe something happened when your phone died and he doesn't feel comfortable talking about it yet.
You know how I distinguish the gentlemen from the jerks?
I don't.
Because there are none.
I need a punching bag.
Let Go of the thoughts of him. The attachments will flee sooner than later.. You are a strong person and you do not need someone who doesn't want any form of communication with you.
Why don't you try dropping by his place or sending him a Facebook message? Nothing pushy, just is he OK etc. There might be a legitimate reason he hasn't got back to you. If he then acts like a jerk or like you are invading his space then drop him, but give him a chance to explain himself if he can.
Forget him. He's not interested.
Honestly, after reading your first post and now this one, it sounds like your actions aren't consistent with what you say you want. Guys you meet in bars and clubs and then go home with the same night are usually not gentlemen, and are usually more interested in getting laid than in a relationship with you. IMO, if you try meeting guys somewhere else, and not hooking up with guys you're not dating, you'll have better luck finding a good one, after a while if not right away.
You just got pwned. @Coffee_Kaioken@xanga - Dude, you're such a jerk. She's heartbroken can't you see?!
Sometimes it takes a while getting replacement phones.
Anyway, gentlemen or jerk, guys will be guys. There's never a true gentlemen. There are true jerks in the world, but they're a whole other story. His "ignoring you" (although it could still really just mean he hasn't had the time to get a replacement phone yet) is, maybe, a sign that he doesn't want to talk to you anymore. Guys usually don't like to tell a girl straight out unless it's really something for THEIR OWN GOOD. They're just as sketchy when it comes to saying things.